I want 2 know hw 2 keep my anger n depression in control as I can't change my present circumstances. My husband served me a notice of divorce after 12 years of marriage when I was staying with him. I ws forced 2 leave d house wth my son n since then I am living in a rented accommodation. I become angry n get headache which lasts for a. Couple of days, insomnia when I see him in court as we r litigating. I am unable 2 forgive him for hw he has got rid of me n my son. He doesn't want 2 pay a penny n is harassing me n my son. I want 2 keep my cool n fight d cases with him. My problem. Is that I keep ruminating about hw he Conspired against me. Tell me how can I manage 2 keep my my cool without giving too much thought 2 his misdeeds n behaviour in court. I hv understood that this marriage ws a fraud 2 extort money frm me n now he is not interested in his family. I try 2 meditate but feel my head heavy n am unable 2 focus well.

Dr. Dolly AnadkatPsychologist10yrs exp

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You are going through a lot of emotioanl stress. You are right that you may not be able to change your circumstances, but you could certainly work on changing the way you are responding with it. Right now, it might feel that you have no other choice but to just react in the same old and familiar way you have always responded to your life situation. No matter where we are there is always a way up. There is always possibilities to do better. We all have immense potential within us. When we are stress and overwhelmed it seems that situations are over powering us and we feel hopeless. In this situation we are unable to tap into our own potentials and strengths. What I suggest you that along with a good lawyer you also need to start seeing a counselor or psychologist who will help you cope with your emotional stress. If you are able to work with someone on a weekly basis that will help for sure. As you try to look for someone, try following things in the meanwhile for your sress management, also, always stay focused on where you want to go and what you want to achieve instead of what can go wrong. When our mind is hooked into past it is normal to have lot of negative thoughts and in turn feeling low. The good news is that our mind could be wired to switch back to positive things and resilience building. We have immense potential within us and we could tap into those one step at a time, one day at a time. When things does not happen as we wish or people do not behave as we expect that is when out of disappointment, frustration, loneliness, anger, sadness. Etc we react and our mind starts thinking negative thoughts. Changing this pattern of responding to stressful situation requires both persistence and patience. Also you will only be able to work on this out of love and kindness towards you. Strong motivation will go a long way. Writing a statement about how would you want to respond in a similar situation and how will your life and your happiness will change if you do learn to manage your stress and how to respond to it. Once that is clear. Try following things to learn relaxation response which leads to better coping mechanism on a daily basis. To begin with doing guided progressive muscular relaxation before sleeping will help you relax. You could google and download an audio file. I would also suggest you to take a multiple small break to take 3 nice and deep breath while keeping your eyes closed. You could do this while sitting or standing or while even walking or climbing stairs (keep your eyes open in that case). When you take a nice and deep break there is actual physiological change in your body. This will help you to activate parasympathetic nervous system which promotes relaxation and helps you calm down and think more clearly. This will also actually improve your performance in your work. Along with this exercise is one of the best way to relive stress and stay fit. Engage in any kind of physical activity at least 4 times a week. This also helps in stress reduction. Along with this some relaxation exercises as well as engaging in joyful activities such as music, singing, dancing, reading, being in nature, gardening, talking with friends or anything which you enjoy will help reducing stress and rejuvenation of your mind and body. Have good routine for sleep and eating. Lot of research has now proven that sugar is very harmful for our health. Reduce sugar and refined white floor in your diet as much as you could. Along with this also increase consumption of raw vegetables in the form of salad in both the meals of your day. Let me. Know if you need any further help. Hope this helps wishing you very best. 

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