Dr. Vikas Khanna

If someone in your family or your partner is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, your mental health is at stake too. You will have to take care of yourself and your emotional needs first. Life can be frustrating for you all the time. But, you need to identify your ‘feel good’ activities and take some time out of your daily life to relax and calm down. Remember, you can succeed in the critical task of appeasing or pleasing your dear one with BPD, only when you are at peace with yourself first. Destress yourself to fight back the depression or emotional drainage caused by handling a BPD patient.

Here are few things that can help you have a better life while being in a relationship with a person suffering from BPD:

1. Don’t isolate yourself: You must be in touch with people you like to be with. You need emotional support from friends and family to deal with life. Spending some quality time with friends and family members can add little happiness to your life. It will boost up your energy level to fight back the dark side of life. You must remember that you have a life as well.

2. Take care of your health: Sometimes, relatives of BPD patients forget to take care of their physical health. They forget basic stuffs like having proper meals, exercising, etc just because they are caught-up in a stressful relationship. But, remember you can help your loved one better only when you are physically fit.

3. Manage stress: Don’t get anxious or depressed with the ongoing stress in your life. It will only add to your existing problems. Keep your nerves cool to have a better life for yourself as well as your sweetheart with BPD.

4. Believe in the 3c’s formula: Well, it is a formula recommended by most of the mental health practitioners. Don’t blame yourself for the irrational behaviour of your friend or dear one. The patient with BPD is solely responsible for his or her destructive behaviour or abnormal outburst. You will have to remember these 3c’s: I didn't cause it; I can't cure it; and I can't control it.

5. Careful communication: You have to be very careful while communicating with BPD patients. Don’t argue or try to convince them, when they are already in a disturbed frame of mind or agitated. They might end up getting destructive. Listen to their words carefully and patiently. Occasional nodding in between a conversation is advisable to let them feel assured about the fact that they are being heard and understood.

Don’t forget to acknowledge their feelings. It is also important that you stay calm when the patient is angry and has turned destructive.

In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!

Hello!

I'm Dr. Vikas Khanna. I’m working as a counselor cum corporate trainer.

Today I will be talking about a topic called conflict resolution. We all have lot of psychological conflicts. And the basic and the fundamental route of all the conflicts is that you are in between neither right nor to left. First of all you have to identify that what is really you want. Your lot of desires. But we also have contrary opposing desires like I will love to move to a different city, but if I move to a different city there are such challenges, the challenges there. I want to have relationship but that may not work. So that tackiness is in between. Whenever you are in between in any resolution of any conflict is by either going to left or right. So the effort, the effort has to be made to be one-sided to get rid of opposing desires and opposing thoughts. To act physically on your desires and let the mental actions be as less as possible. The more mental action the less is physical action. All the analysis, all the planning, hampers and is the biggest hurdle in your physical action. So why not go to left or right. I wish you wonder action so that all your conflicts remain resolved.

Thank you! And this was Dr. Vikas, you can always contact me through lybrate or you can call me personally. Thank you!

Procrastination is a way of sabotaging oneself by putting off activities and delaying success. This is an emotional and mental obstacle that many people face in varying degrees. So here is everything you need to know about procrastination.

1. It becomes a lifestyle: As per medical research, about 20% of the people who procrastinate, have been doing it on a chronic basis and can now safely say that this is a lifestyle and not just a habit that one has fallen prey to.
2. It is cultivated: Contrary to popular belief, procrastination is not something that anyone is born with. It is cultivated with constant inaction over a period of years, which also includes the act of making excuses to put off a task.
3. Excessive alcohol consumption: In many cases, procrastinators will end up enjoying higher consumption of alcohol than their contemporaries. This may be done to alleviate boredom before the excessive consumption becomes a habit, which further dulls the senses.
4. Hiding from the truth: It has been seen that procrastinators often lie to themselves or hide the truth about their problem by making mindless excuses, which do not actually exist. They are chronic liars who come to believe their lies, which can give rise to even more severe behavioural issues.
5. Distractions: Most people who procrastinate will look for distractions that will keep them from doing their work properly. This may include watching television or eating, or even doing mindless chores that are not important.
6. Focus: Many of these procrastinators have problems when it comes to focusing and finding solutions for various tasks. They cannot prioritise and put their mind to a certain task, which also prevents them from understanding the requirements for completing that task.
7. Avoiders: These types of procrastinators usually avoid doing the tasks that will lead them to success. They do not make the effort to carry out the necessary tasks in a proper manner.
8. Decisional procrastinators: These kind of procrastinators simply cannot find the motivation to take a decision that will change the direction of their lives by putting one step in front of the other on a daily basis.
9. Cost of procrastination: There is a huge cost that is borne by these kinds of people in the long run. While missing deadlines, losing jobs and not graduating from college are just some of the consequences, many of them also come down with a plethora of health conditions including gastrointestinal diseases.
10. Therapy for procrastination: The best way to transform a procrastinator is with the help of cognitive behavioural therapy, which can help in reprogramming the brain with fruitful, guided discussions and internal dialogues. This kind of therapy works well in the long run.

In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!

Do you believe that the world is a hostile place and you are a victim? Are you the one who often doubts his or her abilities? If so, you might be showing signs of low self-esteem. Interestingly, self-esteem has nothing do with your actual ability or talent. Your looks, weight or skills are not responsible for your low self esteem. It largely depends upon the fact that how you value yourself.

It has been observed in most cases that self-esteem is often affected by a number of reasons, including ill-health, unpleasant memories from the past, and termination of relationships. Low self-esteem is generally marked in survivors of physical or sexual abuse, victims of racial discrimination or people who have had a traumatic past life.

If you don’t pay attention towards this issue, you might end up developing certain serious mental disorders. Low self-esteem is also the root cause behind the occurrence of mental disorders like borderline personality disorder, depression, etc. However, there is nothing to worry about it. There are certain simple things that are useful in building up your self-esteem.

Here’s all that you need to do to start believing in yourself and be confident about your capabilities:

1. Remember your strong points: Make three separate lists of your strengths; achievements and your qualities that you admire. Take help from your friends, parents and other well-wishers for preparing these lists. These lists will help you in understanding your abilities and goodness. You will be able to believe in your strengths. You must read through these lists at least once daily.

2. Be positive: Optimism and a positive approach towards life are the key to success. Your self-esteem is influenced by the fact that how you look at life. Life is not a bed of roses. It is unavoidable that you will have to face critical situations or problems in life. But, what is important is to face them with courage and a faith in your own abilities. Be positive and stop developing negative thoughts about yourself. Get rid of thoughts like ‘I am a loser’; ‘I can’t get rid of this problem’; etc.

3. Take care of your body: Your outward appearance sometimes works wonders in lifting up your inner-self and spirits. Keep yourself clean, trim your beard or hairs; cut your nails; don’t forget to floss your teeth and maintain overall personal hygiene to develop a feeling of goodness.

4. Sleep well: A good night’s sleep is essential for boosting up your self - esteem.

5. Eat right: A balanced diet is a key to good health. Eating the right food in the right way keeps your mental and physical health all right. Include minerals and vitamins in your regular meals. Avoid distractions like television or radio while taking meals.

6. Exercise: Regular workouts keep you away from mental-ill health.

7. Be cool and comfortable first: When it comes to your dressing, try to put on attires that you can carry well. Wear stuffs that you love the most.

We as individuals are unique and blessed with independent thoughts and intellect, which help us in making decisions in life. One of the biggest decisions in life that we have to make is choosing a life partner. We may have to go through several proposals and meet lots of people before we are able to make this crucial choice and select an ideal partner to spend the rest of your life with. Many times, such decisions are made sooner and at sometimes we may have to seek the opinion of our friends, relatives and well-wishers to be able to find the perfect match.

In all cases, what really matters is that the relationship that we have build has to be strong enough to last a lifetime and that if there is any problem between the couple, they should be able to resolve it amicably, with understanding and maturity. In order to forge relationships that can last, the beginning of the association has to be crucial. There are a number of ways in which you can ensure that the beginning is smooth and that the rest of your lives are also spent in happiness.

The importance of counselling
In the modern times, when couples expect a lot more than couples of the olden times, it becomes extremely important to make sure that the couplevisits a marriage counsellor in time and is given an opportunity to get to know each other in a better manner. Here are a few ways in which counselling may be a boon for newly acquainted couples who are to get married.

1. The counselling may help them realise their similarities and also understand what their strong points as a couple
2. The session of understanding each other may also aid in knowing what they expect from each other in the long term rather than finding out the difficult way.
3. It may also help in understanding the importance of amicable family relationships and how close and extended families help in the making of long and strong relationships.
4. The pre-marriage counselling provided to couples also ensures that they are able to get a healthy and transparent forum to be able to know each other and understand what they can expect from life if they are together.

Getting the right kind of help
Although parents and elders usually advise the couple before they get married, it is important to make sure that formal counselling is also received from an expert in the field of psychology. When you choose to go to a worthy and trusted expert, you are able to ensure that the best methods of opening up to each other are used and that the session remains fruitful for the couple as well as their families in the long term. In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!