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I need help. I have been suffering from mental illness on and off for the last 10 years. I am male, 26 years old, preparing for civil services exam. The first time depression started when I was in kota in 2009, then I even did not know what I was going through. Someone took me to a doctor after many months. I started taking medicines and depression got better but anxiety was at the peak. I gave my exam of 12th in that anxiety and did poorly as compared to my 10th. I started, yoga,meditation, got admission in engineering college and somehow depression reduced to some extent but anxiety was consistently there. At that time I did not know what is this happening to me. I thought depression and anxiety was the same thing. I did not take any medicine from 2011 to 2016 and I was doing okay. I 2016 I was feeling very much anxious and had to visit aiims, said the whole story to the psychiatrist. He gave escitalopram 10 mg and clonazepam 10 mg. I ate medicines for not many days and I got better also. So I never visited again and neither did I complete the course. I visited again in 2020 and doctor asked me where were you? I said I never realized I had depression or anxiety in these years, I was doing absolutely fine. He again gave me escitalopram and clonazepam (sos) for 3 months but when 3 months was about to complete lockdown happened, I could not go again. I ate medicines for 3 months and then left but withdrawal symptoms come and then I have to start again. I want to quit medicines for forever, kindly help me to manage anxiety without this medicine and also diagnose me properly.


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