Some things you say is not clear. I am presuming that your dad married again and you have lost your biological mother for some reason. You want to do good and that is really an excellent wish and thought to have. But you also sound very disturbed that just
giving you advice on text messages is not going to work for you. You need help and soon too. To have a death wish at any time, is itself not normal. Your situation must be extraordinary for such desperation. Kindly seek a psychiatrist’s help without any delay, and take some responsible family member with you. Life is extremely precious, and everyone is turning the world upside down to survive and stretch life to the maximum. Please visit a geriatric ward and you will understand what I am saying. I feel something that is bothering you that may appear impossible but that is the fallacy. Every problem has a solution and only by speaking with someone else will you come to know the different alternatives to your situation. People who are severely depressed tend to think suicidal thoughts, generally. Depression
is treatable although it may not seem so to the depressed mind. Also, if you are religiously/spiritually-oriented, you will never entertain thoughts of destroying life. Suicide does not solve problems, facing life square-on does. You may be feeling hopeless under the circumstances but that will be so, if you are withdrawn and do not share your problem with others. Please seek help from a professional immediately. Alternatively, reach out to a religious person for some spiritual intervention.