Hi, Aged 32 age, staying in bangalore, I was in chennai-my native. Since my childhood I have liked women elder to me. I was in relationship for 13 years with a lady near my neighbourhood, she was 32 back then, she was staying alone. She liked me, I was 17 when my relationship started with her. Initially she use to force me, I could not tell anyone abt it. Then as time passed I kind of accepted her. I had mixed feelings, I sometimes wanted to leave her but sometimes feel close to her. She used to behave like a mother sometime and sometime like a wife or sometime like a girlfriend or lover. She passed away in 2015, since then I am finding it difficult to be normal. I feel lonely all the time, anger and mood swings. Frustration. Feel like committing suicide. I tried to make new relationships. But. Not attracted to young girls. Had a few gf but could not do anything. Afraid of sex. Attracted to women older than me. But not confident and afraid. I do not know what to do. I am staying alone in bangalore and avoiding marriage. Please help me.