Hi my name is Saikat and my age is 32yrs. Presently I am suffering from depression and negativity. I never had faced like this ever before. I found that I am running out of confidence and feel like I will fail in everything that I will do. I am a banker and is into this profession for last 8 yrs. I had passed through all my assignments and got all my promotions throughout my carrier. But for the last one year I am going down and also missed my promotion once. I know presently the team and the branch I am handling, is a branch with negativity indisciplined non-professionals people and there demotivating and negativity effected me a lot. But another reason is that I feel that I started thinking about my x-gf a lot and sometimes wen I am too much depressed about my work and personal life and also with my married life or arguments with my wife or nagging of my wife, I feel like I might be more happy, if I had married my Ex. I am confused with her and my wife. My wife is 8 months pregnant and taking full care of her and maintaining all her requirements, I come with a regular complain from her that I cannot forget my Ex and still I am in love with her. And this allegation sometimes make me confused that whether I still love my Ex-GF or that I can not forget her and also feel like if I had stand against my family and might had married her, would I be more happier. She was my first GF and I had good quality time with her as I was young and had ample time to spent with her. But presently I am so much bough down with my work that I have hardly quality time to spent with my wife. I am confused with she and my wife. Sometimes I feel that I still miss her a lot. Sometimes I forget about her totally and only think about my wife. And also people around me in my office now a days are so much negative that I also started feel like them that nothing will happen good in my life. I failed to crack many interviews in last few months due to lack of confidence. I was never like this before. Please guide me in this matter and help me to come out from this situation.
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Hi lybrate-user, take it one day at a time, you are feeling bogged down by all the weight that you are carrying making your thoughts negative and your behavior is suffering due to that. Your wife is pregnant and you should be there for her taking care, about your gf its perfectly fine to feel what you are feeling but I suggest you to consult or talk to a psychologist and get into the roots of this thought as to why is it arising and how to overcome it. Failing in few interviews is fine you only will get to learn. You need to build your confidence, think about your past achievements write it down. Focus on your positives/abilities/strengths and less on negative side. Make a routine schedule and stick to it. Include exercise./yoga/ deep breathing in your schedule. You need to develop skills to deal effectively with your wife during arguments and also develop confidence. Consult me for same.
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Dear lybrate user, you are 32 and your professional life is expected to be very busy at this stage in your life. You have achieved most of your goals till now, and hence missing this promotion is a big set back for you. But please understand that there will be set backs in life, and they are temporary. It is possible that you missed this promotion not because of lack of performance, but because of somehting else. You can try harder next time. Regarding your personal life, it appears that you are getting pulled towards both - your ex girl friend and your wife. It is advisable for you to concentrate on your present than your past. If you are unable to spare time for your wife, she might be feeling lonely and not loved. Try to spend quality time with her. Girl friend and wife have different roles in life. Wife will demand certain things which you might think as" nagging" listen" to her, understand her needs. She herself must be under stress, as she is in the advance stage of pregnancy. I think you need" closure" of your relationship with your exgirl friend. Unless you do this closure you will not be able to give 100% to your wife. This uncertainty of feelings is disturbing your professional life. Consult a counsellor so that you are aware of your actual thoughts and feelings. More of self awareness would help you to take rational decisions. Once you are clear about your own feelings and what you want from life, things will become easier for you. Take care.
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