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Health Query

I am 20 years old student. Lots of family issues. And a person from last 1 year I am telling her mom. Basically. I am feeling depressed, lost sometimes feeling to suicide. And feeling lost that I have nobody with me. Feeling to show my feelings but unable to do so. Relationship I am scared of looking at my parents. And I sometimes think of have drugs. And smoking. And it puts me high on my mind. Unable to think n feeling to die. I really want to come out of my past n have a better life and education n bring lots of thing to my new mom. please guide me. I m scared. I don't want to end up my life in waste What should I do. I feel like I just want to die and have no reason to live.

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