Welcome to the site.
I am sorry to learn about your break and your struggle to come to terms with it. But you see you never allowed yourself and him to move on in life since you never stopped contact with him. You should have stopped all sort of connections with him on phone or social media so as to allow either of you to heal from the break up and permit self to move on in life. That is why you have not been able to overcome the fall out and till today you harbor a feeling of reconciliation with him. I feel you got to be more perceptive about this situation and take a tough decision to stop all sort of contact with him.
As far as your mood is concerned which is depressed since quite a while now and being the main reason behind you not being able to cope up with your break up, for it you need to seek therapy such as CBT from a clinical psychologist
and also if the psychologist
proposes you shall take an anti depressant drug for some time which will help you to come out if your depression
and give you strength and courage to call it quits once and for all.
I hope this helps to bring some perspective and objectivity to your thinking.
Wish you all the best.