I was married last year and I had a courtship period of two years with my husband. He is the cause of my tension and anger nowadays. He does things which make me feel sad and you important. There are times I request him something which is equally satisfying and preferable for us; though at the end of the day he does whatever he thinks is right. I feel betrayed as maybe I had spend a good amount of time in convincing him to help me out that time. This makes me angry, stressed and sometimes depressed too. The problem is aggravated when I relate this to my parents and they blame me for not able to adjust and arguing and fighting with my better half. This makes me sadder and I end up crying and there takes place utter chaos in mt daily schedule. I know I am harming myself in such a way. Please suggest me ways to keep my cool and handle such times.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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I think perhaps that you are not aware that where there are two or more people there will always be a power struggle i.e. to identify who is the boss or who wears the pants in the house or who calls the shots eventually. Spouses then play the power struggle game of making the final decision, especially if it does not please the other. Another thing to consider is that people change after marriage: sometimes that very night, a week later, a year later or even ten years later. Before marriage, we all exhibit our best side from the fear of losing the other. After marriage and after guaranteeing your partner, everyone including will let down your hair and reveal your real nature. If you don't like what you see, you can still change your mind. The permanency of marriage is an old concept. With regard to the power struggle, a wise person will let him feel as though he is in charge but remember the giver of power is more powerful than the receiver!!! So you essentially pander to his ego and let him feel inflated but the truth is, you are actually in charge. As you establish this equation and control you can run a lot of beneficial numbers around him! Try it and let me know your success. 

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