I feel exhausted all day long I see bad dreams almost every night of witches ghosts and murdering someone I forget alot but when I got to gym at 4 pm I have so much energy as I cannot even imagine just this time I come alive and I feel like nothing no emotions I have I feel I am not sad neither I am happy I am just normal no fear no desire nothing just a hollow space I feel to feel I do take alcohol sometimes just there are only times when I feel anxiety when I feel I have been left behind in life and I just want to get out of that feel then I run to trace which my dad takes which was prescribed to him by his doc I feel like I can go insane and harm others and I feel like my body or someone in head asks me to do wrong things like my own subconscious says to do weired things to people and I try to stop it to the utmost overall I feel nothing but not normal for sure I would not even regret If I would die it's like for me it does not matter because I don't feel it I don't feel what death is to me or any emotion how can I retain my emotions doc.