I have been married now for 23 years now my marriage has broken for nearly a year and my wife now lives separately. After the break up I am suffering from depression I do not sleep well every night and from 2 a. M in the morning I am restless and just cannot get sleep my mind is continuously thinking about our home. Can you help me out of this depression?

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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Divorce is very difficult for both the adults and worse for the kids. So it is quite understandable that you are depressed. If the divorce was granted on valid grounds you need to accept the verdict as final and move on. I am sure there will be lessons to learn and that is really important when moving on. You should meet with a counselor and talk about all your feelings and mistakes you have made that had contributed to this failure in your marriage. There is nothing wrong about being honest and open, now that your divorce is through, but it really helps to frankly look at the errors or willful behaviors that were the cause. Do not talk ill of your ex, even if it is very tempting but neither should you hesitate to speak the truth. The companionship, the good times, and good memories will tend to bother you, but if you are mature, you will let them be positive, especially if you talk about it in your sessions with the counselor. You will need a good listener more than anything else. Quickly get back into circulation, mix around, and get into occupying activities: you are a free man after all. Avoid getting into another relationship right now until much of the baggage is sorted out. Life is precious and any time lost in brooding will disturb your personality irreparably and cause unnecessary heartburn and permanent disturbances to your equilibrium. It is a lot easier for a man to get over divorce for various reasons and so you must act rather than wallow in self-pity. I recommend that you resettle down with another woman if you are so inclined, subject to having learnt your lessons! 

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