My 2 years 4months old girl is becoming aggressive for small things, I really don't understand how to calm down, I tried by coming down to her level n talking smoothly but I dont solve my isue successfully. She zis ruling us and still we are failing in making her happy. I badly need a solution for this Abt her- going to play group frm month, not a foodie,

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist47yrs exp

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It appears more and more from the brief that you have shared that she may be going through her ?terrible twos?. For your information, it is at two years that children discover that they are no longer the center of the world, and it upsets them so that they want to test boundaries to see how much you will tolerate her before she either makes you reject her or she learns to control her urges and learns that you will have needs to be met too sometimes, and only after that her needs will be met: this is a very important learning she must achieve around this age: Sounds like she is not going through that phase happily. In fact she is winning this battle and ruling over you! I suggest that you give her a lot of physical contact and enjoy her company. She needs to understand that whatever happens you will love her. I hope you have taken her for all the necessary medical checks to rule out any other cause. In the meantime there are some questions that I would love answered, or for you to take him to a child psychiatrist, if there are any disturbing events. My questions: Was the conception normal? Was there a miscarriage or abortion before this child was born or after? How was the nine months of pregnancy for the mother i.e. was she under any kind of stress? Was the pregnancy normal? Was there any threat to the pregnancy? Was she on any medication? Was there any need for supplements? What was her emotional condition? Did she like the pregnancy? Was she happy during and about the pregnancy? Did she get good support from her husband? Was the delivery normal and on the due date? How long was she breast fed? Did she have any problems with bedwetting etc.? This information will help even a counselor to bring further insight into this problem. If some of these questions raise any serious concerns, you can help the child resolve it with some professional help from a child counselor. You are only getting into a competition with this child and she is winning happily but at your misery. So back off a bit and just give her boundaries and only then do you need to get into the act, if there is non-compliance. Then too do not use violence but negotiate with her (since she is sounding like a knowing child), and give her consequences, which are different from punishments. Confront the behavior and never, ever, reject the child/personality. Also do not show any loss of control and be composed when dealing with her. Focus on her positives and mildly confront the aggression: it makes no sense to fight fire with fire i.e. her aggression with yours!!! You are provoking her rebelliousness and this may lead to later repercussions that will be pretty unsavory. There is a very old book I remember reading entitled, ?Talk so that kids will listen, and listen so that kids will talk?. Unfortunately I have forgotten the author. If you can find that book, it will help you tremendously. At the play group, please check if there are any unusual behaviors and whether someone is bullying her. 

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