You seem to be suffering from Borderline Personality or Emotionally unstable personality. The cause is unknown but research suggests there is an interaction between adverse life events and genetic factors. Neurobiological research suggests that abnormalities in the frontolimbic networks are associated with many of the symptoms
There is a pattern of sometimes rapid fluctuation from periods of confidence to despair, with fear
of abandonment and rejection. There is a particularly strong tendency towards suicidal thinking and self-harm. They have love-hate relationship with close ones. Episodes of depression
Transient psychotic symptoms, including brief delusions and hallucinations, may also be present. It is also associated with substantial impairment of social, psychological and occupational functioning and quality of life.
People with emotionally unstable personality disorder
are particularly at risk of suicide.
Its course is variable and, although many people recover over time. Kindly consult a psychiatrist