Hello Lybrate User
I appreciate your effort that you could understand and put it in words what you are going through. It is very important or rather a first step that we require some help. After reading what you have mentioned, I would suggest you to visit a Psychiatrist
or if the psychiatrist is not available in your area then visit a physician for the same. Side by side if you can seek help from a clinical psychologist
, it would be great as it will you to understand your symptoms more and more and also an understanding would be developed about your personality traits, your coping mechanisms and what is actually leading to such thinking. A lot of people undergo certain life events, if not events but 'something' keeps on bothering them, due to which one develops negative thinking towards the self and the others. Moreover, it seems that you have started making associations of lot of things in your life, like if I will do this, that will happen etc. Or just like you mentioned in your concern. Therapy with the psychologist
helps you to develop a skill to deal with this vicious circle you are into most of the time. So, consult a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist, take few therapy sessions with the clinical psychologist and you will experience a shift from your current state of mind. If you have further queries, please write back. All the Best! Regards.