I had a break up last year she cheated on me with her best friend and had physical intimacy with him. Now it affects my mental health it goes on repeating in my head. I am 23 and this year cleared neat and joining mbbs this year. But I am scared am I good for nothing do I deserve love and fun and sexual pleasure that they get even after cheating. I am scared as it took 4 attempts to clear neet I am 23 will I get love it do I deserve it. It's not that I don't look good I do look good and I have no bad habits I respect girls I talk to them politely it's just that for this girl I stopped talking any other girl so for years I haven't been with anyone else now I hate myself for being that way on the other hand I get cheated at last. So will I be ok in mbbs with studies and with other students. And I do want to experience love and sexual pleasure. Please reply soon.

Dr. Sartaj DeepakPsychiatrist12yrs exp

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Hi lybrate-user, first hearty congratulations on getting admitted to mbbs. Casual or romantic relationships' dynamics are quite complex and become unintelligible if we have tendency to overthink. There are innumerable factors from both sides which mediates viability of a relationship and when most of these factors don't work in syncretism or synchrony, a relationship starts losing its charm. So basically, there is very little which is controlled unilaterally by a person, so we shouldn't feel disheartened considering there isn't much under our sole control. In such context, it is pertinent to think that why to drain our mental energy in an event where the outcome is out of our control rather we should start thinking of ways to channelizing it more productively. It is nowhere mentioned that a person should get in to a relationship and should continue same for life, so perceiving a relationship as a commitment for life is our mistake. The evidence says that usually a person has been in to 4-5 relationships before finally getting committed or married. So you are still far from that. A relationship should not be judged as success or failure, it's just a learning which you are gonna wear and use the lessons in prospective life. There is no right or wrong time to get in to a relationship and the field you are embarking on will provide you enormous opportunities for new relationships, one after another. So basically what you need to do here is change the way you think about relationships that it is a dynamic concept and not static, so set yourself free and declare yourself open to mingle up with new friends and if you find it difficult to get control over your thoughts' distortion, it would be wise to stay in touch with a clinical psychologist at your medical college or somewhere else. Best wishes. 

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Dr. Simran SharmaPsychologist6yrs exp

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You deserve love, happiness, and sexual pleasure just like anyone else. Your past does not determine your worth. As you embark on your mbbs journey, focus on self-care and healing. Forgiving your ex-partner, while challenging your beliefs can free you from resentment. Be open to building new relationships and friendships. Stay committed to your studies for personal growth. Seek support from friends and family or professional counselling to navigate these emotions. Remember, you're young with ample time for love and happiness in the future. Your worth is not defined by your past.  

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