Need suggestion on family related issue. I am 35 year old working women. Five year back, I got married. It was love marriage with acceptance of both families. Now, I have two kids. We have joint family. My husband is having a brother and a sister and he is the eldest among them. All of them are married and have kids. My husband's sister, her husband and of course their kids used to live with us at our home with his husband and kids. They have allotted a government quarter in the same city.� Earlier, sometimes they used to go to their quarter, but for more than one and half year she has not moved towards her quarter for a single day. After my marriage, initially up to about 2 years I was quite happy to live with them, but the problem arises when she always used to control the each and every house hold things, decision etc. Even she always used to give her advice to me also. Though I am elder than her, I am working, more educated than her, more updated with the technologies. Actually I don't need anyone's free advice, if I need I'll ask to them without any hesitation. � Now, the situation is that almost all the decision (related to house) is by her. Even our cook used to ask her that what and how much is going to be prepared for lunch or dinner. She is everywhere. In our any small celebration, picnic, outings, shopping everything. She is very dominating also. She influence my mother-in-law. Because of her existence my mother-in-law and I have built-up a good relation.� She is main reason of dispute between me and my husband. My in-laws and my husband support her to do everything.� Now, I cannot tolerate her at all. Still after five years of marriage I have found my place in the home. I don't feel that it is my home. At this home, I am happy and can manage with everything, except the presence of them. Sometimes, I feel that I should leave the house with my kids and stay at any rented house.� Still we don't have a single argument yet, and it is just because I never say anything to her and my mother-in-law. My husband all the situation and always appreciate me for being quite. Sometimes he also feel that their presence put many nuisance at our home, but overall he is happy with them, after all she is his sister. I just fed up with all those things, and always be in stress. Please give me good suggestion to solve the problem by not hurting anybody.
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This is rather a very unfortunate situation. In fact, when you marry, you need at least two years with your husband to work out a lot of personal adjustment issues before you can accept anyone else. Since this is a love marriage, there may have been some understanding and tolerance in the beginning, though this too is not recommended. You have not had that chance and this m ay impact your relationship much. The problem may be your silence and keeping quiet. This would convey that you are a willing partner to this arrangement. You can still wake up and start a dialogue with your husband first either alone or with a counselor to make him understand. If you do not talk about this, it will take a toll on you alone in the long run. If he does not agree to ask his sister and her family to move out, then you can propose moving out yourself but do not threaten. About the controlling nature of your SIL, find a way to enjoy it and let it be. In fact, you will have less responsibility and you can live laid back. This type of thing will only get you into a competition. Even if they all love her more or listen to her more take pleasure in the gratification that things are done for you too and so let it be. Since this will give you more time, ask your husband to take you for outings and have a grand time outside with your husband. I would recommend that you do not disturb your relationship with him since he seems to be a fairly nice chap. To do all this you need to be a street-smart wife, knowing how to exploit this situation without being discovered. I hope you've got my drift. You can 'make hay whiel the sunb shines'.
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Discuss these sufferings with your husband when he and you are in a good mood privately, and slowly move out of the house. That seems the only solution.
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