My father was alcoholic and abusive. Maybe as a result of all the mental abuse by my father, I developed obsessive compulsive disorder, neurosis, anxiety and inferiority complex as a boy. I would also get very nervous in public places. Owing to all the problems I mentioned, I could not socialise at all. I had no friends and I was lonely all the time. The only solution I had to alleviate my overwhelming sense of loneliness was by means of laboriously dragging my mind through all the news items in a newspaper. It was a kind of self inflicted mental torture. I literally screwed up my brain. I had buck teeth. I haven't really smiled/laughed all my life. Whenever I felt like smiling, I used to suppress it. I couldn't fix this problem because my mother could never afford to pay for it. Imagine the agony of not being able to smile properly all your life. It pushed me into a state of insanity. Owing to all the problems I mentioned earlier, I feel nothing these days. Now I don't even feel the problems I mentioned above. Even if I sit in a closed room for months, I won't even have slightest of desire to get out it. My sex drive is nil. Completely nil. I don't even feel sad or even want to cry. I cannot even cry. I could feel my sensitivity to pleasure becoming less day by day. It's never improving. Whether it's morning or evening or night, it all feels same to me. This is not depression. If it were depression my condition would've improved, when I tried to enjoy my life. What condition is this? Help me please. Do I have any hope in life?