How should I get out of my past memories with my ex-boyfriend I am not able to think I want to forget but dont know how?

Dr. Swarajit GhoshPsychiatrist21yrs exp

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Hi, My sympathies for you loss, however, I do not write to just offer placating words of comfort that will make you feel good for a short time and then leave you feeling incomplete again. What you probably might not be aware of is that there is considerable evidence that some trauma is good for long term growth. The predicament you find yourself in is no doubt distressing and likely makes you feel that you are lacking in something and are not' whole' or complete. Any life event that causes distress because of a perceived loss or separation from a loved one causes primarily two things - it makes you want to recover or somehow regain what you have lost and it disrupts your sense of identity. All of us rely on others to make our lives meaningful, happy and complete. We want to feel desired and loved and cherished. But that doesn' t always happen. Remember, that right at this moment you ARE complete. You have everything that you need to lead a purposeful and meaningful life. This doesn' t mean that you will not have obstacles or disappointments in your way. What it means is that you can choose to proactively cope with and look beyond your loss or predicament. You could begin by taking the following steps: - When memories, sorrow and distressing thoughts arise, don' t judge yourself or others. Try not to analyze or get too drawn into your thoughts. Observe them without participating in them. - If necessary, find a close friend or family member to talk to. Someone you can open yourself to without fear of being judged. - Cope by asking yourself" what can I do to make the situation better" Try and come up with ways to structure your day with activities that you enjoy, stay engaged with some routine or work or study. See if you can spend some time exercising or reading. - Don' t be too harsh on yourself. If you find yourself musing and anguishing over what you have lost, gently remind yourself that you cannot undo the past, and that some distress is a normal part of life. Remember to affirm that you have the capability to overcome difficult circumstances. - Spend some time considering that there are so many millions in this world who have had devastating losses and heartbreak. Even though you are in pain, you still probably have much to be grateful for like a family perhaps, or good music to listen to, or something as basic as food and shelter! A sense of gratitude helps overcome the feeling of being a victim and pushes you to look for solutions. - Take small steps. Be proud of yourself if you accomplish something, even if it is just reading what is written here. -If you like to read, read inspirational material. Spend time taking walks if possible, and do remember to get a good nights sleep, and eat well. I wish you well and hope that in time, you will come to terms with your loss and find a sense of balance! 

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