I am suffering from shyness with both girl and boys. I can't talk properly with friends. And love to live alone. I can't enjoy anythings that happy moment. I can't talk loudly please get me rid of this problem sir.

Dr. Richa KhetawatPsychologist14yrs exp

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A lot of us feel hesitant, inhibited while approaching others. It could lead to feelings of embarrassment, anxiety, shame and perhaps guilt of not being able to do it confidently. Sometimes you also have physical symptoms like sweating in palms, palpitations, blushing, dryness in mouth, etc; this is also accompanied by worrisome thoughts like you feel that people will evaluate you, judge you, reject you, talk about you, ignore you etc; it will be worthwhile to note that a lot of these fears, anxieties and insecurities are in our minds and are not really based on true experiences. These thoughts paralyse us and we are not able to take steps in social situations. You can begin with writing down and recording your negative thoughts that go through your mind when you are around people. It could be something like will not be able to make a conversation with them, etc; realise that realise that these thoughts are not proven, true or based on experience. They are untrue and make you feel anxious and shameful. Hence, replace these thoughts with practical ones like Let me try and see if I can make a conversation. You have to understand that all skills are learnt with practise so certainly not overnight but with consistent practise over a few days you will see improvement. Do not be scared of expressing your opinions, or asserting yourself. Making mistakes is a part of skill development. You have to accept yourself as a unique person like everyone is. Ones you accept yourself you will be able to express yourself in front of others. Further look at activities that make you feel confident. We lack confidence as we feel that we do not have it in us that others have. Hence we can develop in us what others have by working hard and pursuing interests. Lastly social skills can also be improved over a period of time with practise. Whenever you are able to start and have conversations with anyone make a note of it. Practise the same with the help of role play when you are alone. Also observe people make mental notes and practise the same when you see others being able to sustain conversations. Take small steps towards putting yourself in situations that you are scared of. Sleep well and get into physical exercises as it helps reduce anxieties. You can book an appointment in order to be able to work together on your issues.  

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