Feelings Tablet

Many of us tend to comply with every single request that is put forward to us by our peers, family, or at the workplace by our superiors. We choose to take up more jobs than we can efficiently handle and put unnecessary stress on ourselves even at the cost of our time and well-being. Must we always do that? Why do we say yes?

People have the notion that saying no can come across as rude or uncaring. You may feel that you are letting someone down by turning down their request or risking a relationship when in reality, it has mostly to do with your self-confidence than your relationships with people. People who have low self-confidence tend to value their own needs less than the needs of others.

It may branch from overbearing parents, high expectations set by your peers and mentors or experiencing parenthood yourself and setting unreasonable standards for yourself. Childhood influences are usually the biggest cause of people always saying ‘yes’ all the time.

How to start saying say no?
If you want to take a step back and start saying no to make sure your own needs are valued, here’s what you need to do.

1. Refuse politely, when it seems not possible: Do not overcomplicate responses and try to be as simple in your responses as you can be. If you are asked to do something, and you want to say no, try to be polite in your body language and state that it is not convenient for you at the moment and that you would rather get back to it later.
2. Seek time before committing: The transition from saying ‘yes’ all the time to saying no does take time! Start to give yourself more time and ask people to get back to you later. This way you can begin to build more self-confidence and learn to say no over time. This also allows you to evaluate your response instead of immediately saying yes or no to the person asking the favor or task.
3. Do not feel guilty: Deep down if you want to do a favor, you can go ahead with it, but you should also understand that it is okay to say no, and there is no need to associate guilt with it. You should set boundaries and allow people around you to understand how much favors they can ask you for instead of presenting you with an endless amount of favors from you.
4. Set your boundaries: Refusal does not amount to rejection as you have just as much right to say ‘no’ as the person who is asking the favor from you. You are simply turning down a request, and in most situations, there is a middle ground for compromises where both you and the requester can be satisfied. If you have limited time to fulfill a request, let the person know and help out only as much as you can without overstepping your boundaries.

Bringing in these changes can help you be more self-confident, and at the same time enable you to say no when you need to without weighing yourself down with expectations and fear or rejection.

Man is different from the other species in that we are social beings. One of the main differentiators is our constant need to 'connect' with our fellow beings. Be it family or friends or society at large, we constantly need to be connected to our near and dear ones and want attention, affection, and assurance.

We need to respect this basic desire and appreciate that there is nothing wrong in feeling needed. Problems arise when this feeling to be needed gets excessive. There is a significant constant demand from the needy person, especially from those who are close to them.

Some cases where neediness is demonstrated are in new relationships. In the beginning, there is a great urge to please and therefore a greater focus on interacting with them. There is a fear of losing attention, there is insatiable excessive demand for attention - be it pleas, accusations, or demands - so as to not feel abandoned and deserted. Neediness is also quite evident in people with depression. Again, an attempt to not be abandoned by their near and dear ones.

By making a conscious effort, the neediness can be reduced, thereby making the relationships smoother and less painful to both the parties involved. As the saying goes - 'acknowledging the problem is half the problem solved'.

Needy people should realize or accept if told that there is an issue and make a conscious effort to work on reducing neediness.

1. Divert attention - As simple as it might sound, it is equally effective. Indulge in whatever interests you - exercise, meditation, dance, sing, etc. The idea is to divert attention so that the urge to feel needy and act on that instinct is reduced. This reduces the fear of being lonely and works magic. The busier you get, the less bored you are. As they say, be alone but not lonely.

In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!

Depression is an illness which has a direct impact on the brain. People feel that it’s just feeling down but it is more than that. It is a serious illness caused by changes in brain chemistry. There are other factors also that contribute to the onset of depression, including

1. Genetics,

2. Changes in hormone levels,

3. Stress,

4. Difficult life circumstances.

Any of the above mentioned factors or combination can precipitate changes in brain chemistry and may lead to depression. Depression is a serious and a very common condition these days which may lead to suicide in extreme cases.

Signs of Depression:

1. Loss of pleasure in virtually all activities,

2. Feeling of fatigue or lack of energy,

3. Difficulty with concentration or memory,

4. An increase or decrease in appetite, with a corresponding change in weight.

5. Thoughts of suicide Depression & Suicide.

A major cause of suicide is mental illness, very commonly depression. People feeling suicidal are overwhelmed by painful emotions and see death as the only way out, losing sight of the fact that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary state. Most people who succeed with living feel glad that they resist and are alive today. Suicidal thoughts may be fleeting or more frequent, passive or active. People who are in depress state often start preparing for death, such as giving away possessions or acquiring a gun and these are cause of great concern and should be taken very seriously.

How to judge if suicide is a possibility?

There may be some warning signs, though hard to predict but can be an area of concern:

1. Being depressed or signs of some mental disorders.

2. Talking about the loss of interest in living or not to be around.

3. Increased social isolation.

4. Mood swings very often.

5. Buying suicide materials.

6. Preoccupation with death.

While anyone can become suicidal, there are certain risk factors that make suicide more likely:

1. Previous suicide attempts.

2. Recent losses like loss of a relationship or job.

3. Cultural and religious beliefs supporting suicide.

4. Access to means of suicide.

How to help a depressed person?

• Let the person know if you've noticed a change in their behaviour.

• Spend time talking with the person about their experiences and let them know that you're there to listen without being judgmental.

• Suggest the person see a doctor or health professional and/or help them to make an appointment.

• Offer to go with the person to the doctor or health professional.

• Help the person to find information about depression and anxiety from a website or library.

• Encourage the person to try to get enough sleep, exercise and eat healthy food.

• Discourage the person from using alcohol or other drugs to feel better.

• Encourage friends and family members to invite the person out and keep in touch, but don't pressure the person to participate in activities.

• Encourage the person to face their fears with support from their doctor/psychologist.

Remember that your loved one's depression isn't anyone's fault. You can't fix the person's depression — but your support and understanding can help.

In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!