I hate myself and my life because my biggest enemy and weakness is me. I am the biggest trouble maker of mine. I am a stupid and fool. I?ve grown up in the environment of too much care, fear and adopted fear in my nature. I have too much of hesitation and assertiveness. My communication is very poor and can't express in polite manner give an impression like arrogant. I feel inside is good but express as it ease because I feel Ego. My biggest problem is fear. I shout loudly in sleep sometimes. I always feel I don't know anything and others feel bad about me and I will be shameless. I used to depend the most on parents and I used to do what they say. My life decisions also I can't take myself and did what they said. I came to Bangalore for pursuing B. Tech, I felt inferior by looking at the environment. I used to stay in a small room and I dint even know any languages properly, not even my mother tongue because that slang was not that good. I tried and could not complete B.E, wasted that fee also. When I got backlogged, for exam fee and attendance shortage, I had to keep my dad's watch in pawn broker's shop. Later my dad came to know and screwed up like anything. I dint like all these by hurting my parents and cheating them. 10 years got wasted. I did fraud things like this. After that long gap, I was in big trouble and mind became blank. Don't know what to do. I feel shame on myself. Started Orkut and fb chatting to overcome my emotions and addicted. I wanted get easy money so I attracted by Lottery but never got anything. I tried online easy money sites also. I got a small job in a hospital for 6500/- per month, that also closed after two years. I searched for some other jobs, I got offered for small pay and my dad suggested doing a business with the help of one of my uncles. Deposited some amount to start the business in our town itself. We completed the project on time and submitted, but he dint pay and said client cheated. Started searching for other projects, but all looked like fake or some other risky things. Depression got doubled. Then I joined RK Math, and did a personality development course and attend some classes on Impact foundation, Hyderabad. As per my brother's suggestion, I learned SAP and did certification, could clear it successfully. I studied B. Sc in correspondence Due to the long gap in education, I dint get a job in any good MNC. So I had to join some small company without pay. After 8 months, they sent me to Jamshedpur for a project on TATA Steel. I struggled a lot to adopt with Hindi, atmosphere and work environment also. It took almost 6 months to get adopted in those circumstances. I worked there for around 2 years. I had to leave this job because of less pay and homesickness. I applied for many companies and placed in a small company in Bangalore. I felt a bit relaxed. I did well in the interview. I proud this moment, because I got it with my own efforts. Good MNC's not accepting me for the gap in education. I feel every time work pressure and insecurity of loosing job. My parents are very much worried about me. I am no more can avoid this worry from them. Whatever I don't want to give them any worries and let them enjoy and live peacefully. I feel like ending my life and let my parents be relaxed and live peacefully since I am no more supporting my family and becoming like a big burden on them. My age crossed 34 and not married where all of my friends settled and married, living happily. All good things happening late. I need discipline, good daily routine, good attitude, enjoy the work and the way of life. I should behave politely and confidently. Enjoy work and challenges I am facing. I want to lead happy life with peace and enjoy all challenges and grow in life honestly.