Humans are social animals who thrive on reciprocality. It is in our basic nature to be socially courteous, and the word 'No' feels like a conflict that warns a potential relationship. Many of us tend to comply with every single request that is put forward to us by our peers, family, or at the workplace by our superiors. We choose to take up more jobs than we can efficiently handle and put unnecessary stress on ourselves even at the cost of our time and well-being. Must we always do that? 

Why is it so hard to say 'No'?

People have the notion that saying 'No' can come across as rude or uncaring. You may feel that you are letting someone down by turning down their request or risking a relationship. But, it has mostly to do with your self-confidence than your relationships with people. It may branch from overbearing parents, high expectations set by your peers and mentors or experiencing parenthood yourself and setting unreasonable standards for yourself. Childhood influences are usually the biggest cause of people always saying  yes  all the time.

People who have low self-confidence tend to value their own needs less than the needs of others. Saying 'No' feels rude, and no one wants to be impolite.

Well... saying 'No' does not mean you are being rude or disagreeable.

At the end of the day, it is more about how you say 'no', rather than just saying the word 'No'. Saying 'No' is about valuing and respecting your own time and priorities. 

How to start saying say 'No'?
If you want to take a step back and start saying 'No' to make sure your own needs are valued, here s what you need to do.

Refuse politely, when it seems not possible: Do not overcomplicate responses and try to be as simple in your responses as you can be. If you are asked to do something, and you want to say 'no', try to be polite in your body language and state that it is not convenient for you at the moment and that you would rather get back to it later.
Seek time before committing: The transition from saying  yes  all the time to saying no does take time! Start to give yourself more time and ask people to get back to you later. This way you can begin to build more self-confidence and learn to say no over time. This also allows you to evaluate your response instead of immediately saying yes or no to the person asking the favor or task.
Do not feel guilty: Deep down if you want to do a favor, you can go ahead with it, but you should also understand that it is okay to say no, and there is no need to associate guilt with it. You should set boundaries and allow people around you to understand how much favors they can ask you for instead of presenting you with an endless amount of favors from you.
Set your boundaries: Refusal does not amount to rejection as you have just as much right to say  no  as the person who is asking the favor from you. You are simply turning down a request, and in most situations, there is a middle ground for compromises where both you and the requester can be satisfied. If you have limited time to fulfill a request, let the person know and help out only as much as you can without overstepping your boundaries.
Bringing in these changes can help you be more self-confident, and at the same time enable you to say no when you need to without weighing yourself down with expectations and fear or rejection.

Simple Steps To Help You Say No!

Effects of Smoking on Sexual Health

Smoking, in general, has a negative effect on the human body. It can cause a host of disorders such as mouth cancer, blood pressure problems, and lung cancer. Smoking affects the sexual performance of both men and women.

Here are some effects that smoking has on sex

1. Impotence: Smoking can damage the blood vessels that lead to erectile dysfunction (a condition where the penis cannot sustain an erection).

2. Decrease in libido: Smoking can cause various physical problems such as stamina reduction and lack of desire for sex. An individual who smokes won't be able to give an optimal sexual performance and this can further lower satisfaction levels.

3. Erectile dysfunction: Smoking can cause problems related to the circulation of the blood in the body. It can narrow the arteries that supply blood and this is directly linked with erectile dysfunction.

4. Tissue damage: Smoking can damage the tissues inside the penis thus impairing your ability to have an erection during sexual intercourse.

5. Early onset of menopause: It can affect the estrogen (a sex hormone) levels in the female body; so, women who smoke tend to reach menopause early.

6. Reduction in penis size: It can reduce the penis size in men by damaging the blood vessels and the structure of the tissue around the penis. This is more common in younger men.

7. Reduction in stamina: Smoking can cause a reduction in the stamina, thus a person will not be able to perform well sexually. It can lead to fatigue and tiredness during sex.

Of course, there are a lot of therapies which can help you recover from the damage already happened because of smoking and prevent further damage.

Does Smoking Affect Your Performance in Bed?

Change in voice or voice mutilation happens when the voice breaks that commonly occur when a person reaches puberty. Before puberty, almost all the girls and boys have the same voice pitch. But after puberty, a boy s voice deepens an octave and the girl s voice deepens only several tones. Therefore, it becomes easy to identify the gender through voice. 

Another type of change in voice is known as voice crack. It happens when a person unintentionally enters a higher voice pitch zone for a brief period of time. It may be due to singing, shouting, talking in noise, and several other reasons. Also, there are several medical conditions leading to voice break or hoarseness. 

Medical Causes for Change in Voice

Acute Laryngitis: In this, the hoarseness or voice loss starts suddenly. One of the reasons can be a viral infection that causes swelling of vocal cords. Staying hydrated and less talk can treat it. 

Chronic Laryngitis: It can cause acid reflux disease. Exposure to irritating smoke, infections of vocal cords, or asthma can be some of the reasons. It can be cured only through medication.

Laryngopharyngeal Reflux Disease: This problem causes a change in voice. Due to this disease, people may also suffer from swelling issues, a lump in the throat, hoarseness in voice, and throat pain. 

Voice Misuse: Excessively loud voice, prolonged talking, and inefficient voice use can cause a change in voice and also known as voice misuse. 

Risk Factors That Can Cause Voice Disorder

Aging, alcohol use, and allergies are some of the major reasons for the voice disorder. Apart from these, smoking and throat cancer also results in a change in voice or voice disorders. All these are highly risky causes for the throat and may result in long-time problems. 

Some other risk factors are thyroid, psychological stress, and neurological disorder. 

How to Treat Voice Disorder?

One can use an air humidifier to keep the air of the surrounding moist because breathing moist air is a simple solution to the problem.

Giving rest to voice is also a solution.

One must drink plenty of liquids to keep the throat hydrated.

One must avoid whispering and decongestants to take care of the throat.

One must avoid shouting for a long time.

Avoid staying in a polluted area for a long time.

Gargling the throat every day with lukewarm water is good.

Staying warm during winters is also necessary.

All these remedies are simple and can be tried comfortably. A simple change in voice can turn out to be serious if not taken proactive measures. Therefore, one must not ignore any small unintentional change in the voice.

Conclusion
One must consult ENT doctor immediately for any sudden change in voice and if the problem lasts for a long period of time. 



Change In Voice - What Can Cause It?

7 dangerous things that smoking does to your skin

Most people think that having a smoking habit adversely affects only the lungs and the heart. But apart from known links to lung cancer and heart disorders, smoking also causes skin damage. The intensity of damage is directly proportional to the number of cigarettes one smokes in a day and the number of years one has been smoking for.

Here are 7 of the horrible things that smoking does to your skin

1. Premature ageing: the process of skin ageing is accelerated by a smoking habit. The chemicals that are ingested through the smoke cause your skin to age much faster, making it look loose, dull and coarse, with uneven colouring. Most smokers have a muted orange or grey tinge to their complexions.

2. Wrinkles and lines: the nicotine from smoke constricts blood vessels in the outer layers of the skin, thereby cutting off the supply of oxygen and nutrients. This causes the skin to develop visible fine lines and wrinkles at a faster rate.

3. Scarring and pigmentation: since blood is not flowing properly to the outer layers of the skin, it is more susceptible to broken capillaries and veins, which can cause dark scarring and pigmentation on the face and other areas.

4. Darkening of the lips: constant exposure to heat from smoking causes stark darkening and pigmentation in the lips, which also become dry and coarse.

5. Delayed wound healing: the presence of nicotine, tar and other chemicals in the blood causes cuts and wounds on the skin to heal at a much slower pace with an increased risk of infection, blood clot formation and death of skin tissue.

6. Increased risk of skin disease: smoking makes the skin prone to various diseases and conditions like psoriasis, which happen as nicotine adversely affects the body's immune system.

7. High chances of skin cancer: skin cancer and oral cancer are the two lesser known variants of the diseases that can be caused by smoking. Skin cancer is far more common among smokers than among non-smokers.

The harmful effects of smoking on the skin are not entirely discernible until after 10 years of prolonged smoking. Fortunately, your skin starts to heal itself when you kick the habit.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'consult'.
Related Tip: E-cigarettes : Good Or Bad?

7 Dangerous Changes that Smoking Causes to Your SKIN

You might be feeling that spending time on any social media network is a simple way to pass time and is a common habit. But a recent study by University of Chicago Booth School of Business says that social networking sites can be more addictive, than alcohol. The desire to consume alcohol can be controlled and turned down, but the desire to check Facebook is simply uncontrollable for most people, and it s a serious addiction.

About the study
The ground breaking study was done on 250 people in and around Germany aged between 18 and 85 years of age. They were sent messages at specific intervals to report their desires and cravings. It is found that most people had the desire to sleep and have sex during the day that they were able to control. But the desire for checking Facebook was much higher.

Reasons for Facebook addiction

One of the major reasons is that availability of Facebook is much easier and higher than alcohol availability.
Also, it is thought that the cost of checking Facebook is much less than consuming some amount of alcohol on a regular basis.
Even if a man wants to resist his desire, but due to easy availability and lesser cost, he is prone to use it again and again.
Alcohol consumption is prohibited in public and during office hours in many countries. But checking Facebook updates have no restrictions. People can check it whenever they feel the desire.
The most shocking part is the urges drove the people to such an extent, that they couldn t even resist themselves even if they wanted to do so.
Effects of Facebook addiction

Drainage of time: No matter how good we feel while checking Facebook updates, can you deny that it s simply a waste of time?
Self esteem reduced: When you see your peers enjoying their life with flying colors, no wonder you will feel depressed. But we are reluctant to believe this fact, that nobody shows his tragic part of life on Facebook. So, whom you think is the happiest person in the world, may be the saddest and is drowned in his own miseries.
Remedy of this so called addiction
The study says that when we are much worn out, we are unable to control our desire and our will power is depleted.

So, if you find yourself posting your status on Facebook at the midnight instead of sleeping, then it is high time you should try to come out of this addiction and give yourself a better life and health.

Facebook Vs Alcohol - Which Is More Addictive?

Depression is spreading at a fast pace in modern India due to many reasons like poor diet, lifestyles, poor social support system and having too many unrealistic expectations from themselves and other people in their lives. It can affect the rich and the poor and any age group also. According to World Health Organisation, 1 in every 10 people suffer from depression. Due to the social stigma attached to it, most people remain undiagnosed and hence suffer from it silently. This is a huge waste of human potential and capability. Some common symptoms of Depression include:

Appetite loss or an increased hunger,
Insomnia or Oversleeping,
Pervading feelings of worthlessness, helplessness and hopelessness,
Anger and Irritability,
Intense physical, emotional and mental fatigue,
Self hatred for making mistakes and not coming up to the expectations of self or other people
Risky Behaviour like rash driving, addictions, dangerous sports,
Problems in Concentration, Memorising and Focussing
Unexplained aches and pains, stomach-aches, Back pain or Headaches
Sudden loss of Interest in Daily Activities, Hobbies. Work
Suicidal Thoughts or Attempts

Here are some basic tips to beat the blues.

Recognising and Conquering Self Criticising Inner Voice:
You would have heard this harsh voice which often reprimands you for making mistakes, or doing something silly or taking any risks. Often this voice would have said, "Its always your fault"," You are capable of nothing"," You are always making mistakes", "Only bad things have happened in my life", " My life is Over". These are called self destructive negative thoughts which can interfere and distract you from your daily activities and a general sense of confidence, power, wellbeing and balance. Depressed people often associate themselves with a negative image of self and of the world, which is very incapacitating and makes the person feel guilty, angry, worthless, hopeless and helpless. The trick is to combat this inner thinking process with evidence to disprove it and support the evidence with logical and rational reasoning and seeing the whole picture with its positives rather than focussing on the negative parts only. For eg.."Good things have also happened in my marriage"," I can learn from my mistakes and do things differently next time"," I have achieved many things in life so I am capable and intelligent"," Life is not over yet, there is hope because I am still alive". such statements are compassionate and help in restoring lost confidence, faith and hope which is vital to beat depression blues.

Be Active:
During depression, physical energy takes a beating as a person goes through an emotionally low phase. People who don't exercise regularly are more prone to depression as the body and mind lacks in blood circulation and "feel good" neuro chemicals called Endorphins. When you are feeling down in the dumps, exercising, yoga, gym, cycling, aerobics, dance can help in elevating the heart rate and thus increasing the blood circulation and elevating the moods. Cycling to work, using the stairs, walking just a little bit as a  daily small goal can be beneficial as energy levels can be very low in depression. Getting the sun on the back bone which carries many nerves is also important and helps in chemical synthesis in combating depression.

Be Social:
Man is a social animal by evolutionary process. We tend to feel better in harmonious social communities for our social and psychological wellbeing. Identify people who are well meaning and supportive of your condition. Don't withdraw from the society, thought hat may be the easiest and logical thing to do in depression. Meeting people with similar interests as yours, people who value you for who you are and some people who are funny and can make you laugh will be of immense importance for boosting your self esteem and self worth. See if some one can benefit from your care..caring for others is a huge booster of self worth and self esteem. Having a pet and caring for it can be another activity that you can look into. Watching comedy shows, movies, laughing at your own mistakes or other people mistakes can be a wonderful way to look at life more objectively. Don't take yourself and other people too seriously..everyone makes mistakes and nobody is perfect.


By no means is this list complete. Please look around and find more tips that can help in beating the blues. If Depression is caught in its early stages then its completely curable. Please don't self diagnose and take medications. Get it diagnosed with a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Stress management, Marital Counselling, Meditations and relaxation techniques, Spirituality are very powerful in dealing with depression too.

3 ways to combat depression

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