For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

This post-traumatic stress disorder is a mental health condition, which gets triggered by a terrifying event. It can happen either through experiencing it or by witnessing it. The symptoms include flashbacks of the events, nightmares leading to severe anxiety and thoughts related to the events, which you are unable to control. Going through traumatic events is quite normal and each and every individual goes through phases, where they encounter events filled with trauma and those who have long-lasting effect on their minds. If the symptoms get worse and go on to last for months and sometimes stretch up to years, then that might be of clear indication a person suffering from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. 

Let us discuss about the symptoms in detail

The symptoms related to the Post-traumatic Stress Disorder might start within a month after coming across a traumatic sequence.
All these symptoms pose major problems in society, work situations and also in relationships. One s ability to go about doing any normal daily task might also get hampered.
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms are usually grouped into four types. Different symptoms of each type are:
Intrusive Memories: The symptoms are included under intrusive memories are

Utterly disturbing memories of any particular traumatic event on a recurring basis.
Feel as if you are reliving the traumatic sequence
Dreams which might upset or nightmares related to the horrifying incident.
Avoidance: Symptoms related to avoidance include, trying to avoid thinking or talking about a traumatic event and also avoid going to places or interacting with people, who might remind a person of a particular traumatic event.

Thinking pattern might turn negative: Symptoms of negative thinking patterns may include:You start thinking about yourself and the world in general negatively.There is a sense of hopelessness about the future.You start to get aloof from family and friends.

Physical and emotional reactions change: Symptoms of changes in physical and emotional reactions include

You tend to get scared easily
Unable to sleep peacefully
You cannot concentrate on a particular job
Sense of guilt and shame eats you from inside
Causes

Doctors are not really sure why people suffer from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Like most of the health problems, this disorder is in all probability caused by a mix of:

Stressful experiences which a person has to go through while bearing any severe trauma.
Mental health risks inherited, if any of the family members suffered from anxiety and depression.
A person s temperament.
Treatment

The treatment for this Post-traumatic Stress Disorder can help people to take control of their lives once again. Psychotherapy is the primary mode of treatment followed for getting rid off this problem. Along with this, medication can also take an active part in the healing process.  A combination of these treatments can help in improving the symptoms by:

Showing the skills on how to address the symptoms
Counselling, through which people would be made to think better about themselves and others.
Different ways to help cope up, in case the symptoms arise in future.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - Know The Detailed Symptoms Of The Problem!

Eating healthy is very helpful for your mental and also your physical well-being. The mind requires nutrients just like your heart, muscles and lungs do. These can be derived from the following ingredients.

Berries: Berries, particularly dark ones, such as cherries, blackberries and blueberries, are a great source of anthocyanins and different flavonoids that can boost your memory. Try to consume these in small portions at least twice a day. You can enjoy a handful in the form of snacks, add them in your cereal or bake them into a dessert like muffins or pancakes. Fresh, frozen or dried berries and cherries can reap you a lot of benefits other than memory boost as well.
Avocados: Avocados are green powerhouse and are stuffed with mono-saturated fats containing both vitamin K and folate. Avocados prevent blood clots in the brain, protect you againsCutaneous Leishmaniasist strokes and enhance the cognitive capacity of the brain, both in terms of memory as well as concentration.
Broccoli: Broccoli contains large amounts of vitamin K and choline. It tends to help keep your memory sharp. It is also filled with vitamin C where just one glass provides you with 150% of your recommended every day consumption.
Coconut oil: Coconut oil fills in as a naturally calming, anti-inflammatory agent. It stiffens the cells in charge of inflammation and aggravation. It can help with memory loss as you age and will kill awful microscopic organisms that are present in your gut.
Salmon: Salmon is a well-known ingredient amongst the most nutritious and healthy food items recommended for the brain. It is highly rich in Omega-3 unsaturated fats and keeps the brain running, gets rid of brain fog and improves memory.Cutaneous Leishmaniasis
Pumpkin seeds: Highly rich in zinc than most seeds, pumpkin seeds supply this highly valuable mineral which is very important for improving memory and thinking abilities. These little seeds are also loaded with stress-busting magnesium, B vitamins and tryptophan that is a precursor to the good mood substance called serotonin.
Walnuts: Walnuts are very well known for a positive impact on the heart s health. Walnuts may likewise enhance the working memory and boost it further. One can take them as a snack at any point in the day, be it to fulfill late morning hunger or add them to cereal or serving of mixed vegetables for crunch. You can also blend them into a vegetable panfry for additional protein.
Different kinds of food products have different effects on the body as well as the brain. To have a healthy body, one definitely needs to have a sound and healthy mind. Eating junk food blocks certain functions of the brain over the years whereas, a healthy diet may help in keeping you physically, mentally and psychologically healthy.

7 Foods that Boost Your Memory!

4 Life Lessons to Learn from Kangana Ranaut

Despite being an outsider in the industry, Kangana Ranaut has made her mark in Bollywood. The 'Queen of Bollywood' bagged the National Award in the best actress category for the third time for her double act in the commercial hit Tanu Weds Manu Returns. Ranaut is one of the highest paid actresses in India and is known for playing emotionally intense roles in films like Gangster and Woh Lamhe. But behind the fame and the glory, lies a story of struggle and constant perseverance. Kangana's rise to fame did not happen overnight, and her travails and triumphs have quite a few important lessons stored for all of us.

Here are 4 inspiring life lessons to take away from Kangana's real life story.

1. Be Yourself

Accept yourself and embrace the person you are. Making desperate attempts to fit in a social circle or trying to make people like you could turn depressing. Be yourself and don't compromise on your identity and be afraid to have a mind of your own. Kangana has constantly inspired us to be rebellious and to question stereotypes and sexism.

'People in the industry treated me like I didn't deserve to be spoken to and I was some unwanted object. I couldn't speak English fluently and people made fun of me for that. So dealing with rejection became a part of life...Today, when people say that I have made it and made it on my own.'

She said on an interview with Daily News and Analysis

2. Deal with your relationship problems

Stop tolerating abuse. Your partner is supposed to love and support you and not hurt you physically or emotionally. Don't be afraid of getting out of a relationship. It might be difficult and hard to deal with but it's best to get over with and start afresh. Ranaut was in a relationship with Aditya Pancholi, which turned sour after he assaulted her. Later she was also in a relationship with Adhyayan Suman and Nicholas Lafferty, an English doctor, which did not last either, but she always moved on with her head held high, personifying dignity.

3. Beat the odds

There might situations when your family does not support your career choices but don't let that stop you from going ahead with it. Believe in yourself and work hard on your goals. Kangana Ranaut inspires us to not give up easily. In spite of being an industry outsider, Ranaut made her mark with remarkable performances in Fashion, Queen, Woh Lamhe and Tanu Weds Manu. She quit pursuing medical and went for modeling instead and refused to take financial aid from her father. In short, don't give up on your dreams no matter how difficult it gets.

4. There is no end to learning

You can always continue with your interests even if you have a very busy professional life. Make time for your hobbies and interests as they expand your outlook. Ranaut learns Kathak as she enjoys dancing and considers it as a form of therapy. She also did a course on the technical aspects of filmmaking from New York Film Academy. She did not let her stardom affect her personal interests and wants to have a normal life.

'I don't want to lose my rights as a common person to learn and grow'

She said on an interview with Filmfare.



4 Life Lessons to Learn from Kangana Ranaut

Symptoms for Bipolar disorder varies from patient to patient. Bipolar 1 and bipolar 2 can vary in terms of signs and symptoms. Both diseases have a different set of symptoms and they are diagnosed according to the merit of the symptoms.

Bipolar 1
Bipolar 1 is characterised by a manic episode. This may be followed by a hypomanic or depressive instance. Symptoms of mania can cause major impairment in life and extreme cases may require hospitalisation. Bipolar 1 patients can suffer from psychosis as well.

Bipolar 2
Bipolar 2 is characterised by a hypomanic instance that lasts for at least four days and one depressive instance lasting for a minimum of two weeks. Bipolar 2 doesn t involve a manic episode. Frequent mood swings and violent behaviour can be major challenge in a patient s life.

Warning signs of manic and hypomanic behaviour:
a. Quick passing thoughts
b. Unusual talkativeness
c. Distraction
d. Increased social activity
e. Inflated sense of self-esteem

Symptoms of bipolar disorder

    Anxious distress: Apprehensions about not finishing a task on time, feeling of restlessness, feeling of losing control, difficulty in concentrating due to distress, fearing an awful event will occur in the near future, etc., are key symptoms of anxiety distress.
    Melancholic features: Patients suffering from bipolar disorder like to be left alone. They may not seek pleasure in any activity and even good things may not have much effect on them.
    Catatonia: This is a condition wherein, a person stops reacting to the environment. Not speaking and holding unusual body positions are some signs of these symptoms. There might be a tendency of mimicking too.
    Psychosis: This is one of the classical symptoms of bipolar disease. It is characterised by hallucination, constant depression and delusions.
    Seasonal pattern: There is a pattern of manic, hypomanic and depressive episodes throughout the year. The pattern might change within a month or season.
    Rapid cycling: The number of mood swings can exceed four or more times in a single year.
    Peripartum onset: This is a condition where bipolar disorder symptoms are witnessed in a pregnant woman during pregnancy or within the four weeks following delivery.

Symptoms in children: It is difficult to find symptoms of bipolar disorder in children and teens. Along with bipolar disorder, kids are most often diagnosed with other mental health problems as well. The problems can result from stress, trauma or chemical imbalance of the brain. Perhaps the biggest symptoms of bipolar disorder in children and teens are their frequent mood swings, chronic depression and feeling of despair. There might be a tendency of oversleeping as well. Reaching out to a doctor or professional help is very necessary for cases related to children and teens.

Bipolar Disorder - 7 Signs You Should Be Aware of 

Excess of anything is never healthy and the same applies in the case of alcohol. Alcohol experts have come to a conclusion that drinking too much alcohol reduces affects negatively in both the genders.

Alcohol Myth Busted

Since time immemorial, people have considered alcohol to be an aphrodisiac. However, this myth has been busted time and again by the side effects of excessive alcohol. On the contrary, alcohol is known to induce depression after consumption.

Alcohol, if consumed in unnatural quantity over a period of time can turn conditions like 'brewer's droop', which otherwise might be temporary into permanent impotence. Alcohol addiction is a cardinal sin for couples planning on having a baby. Women, whose bodies are much more sensitive and complex than a man's body, react greatly to even a small quantity of alcohol. Even government's guidelines on low-risk alcohol consumption unit do not guarantee no harm, and people are known to have taken much longer time to get pregnant and irregularity in their menstrual cycles even after abiding by the government's guidelines.

What Is Moderation?

No one is asking you to completely cut down on alcohol. But moderation should then be a religion for all the drinkers. Moderate drinking includes no more than 2 drinks per day (US. Centre for Disease Control and Prevention). The explanation is that your liver can act on alcohol at one standard size drink an hour, so heavy drinking means that too much alcohol for the liver to handle and hence unhealthy toxins are released in the body having an adverse effect on the sex life.

Some of the more common problems caused by alcohol in a couple's sex life are:

Long-term erectile dysfunction: The most common of all the problems, erectile dysfunction can most commonly be attributed to heavy drinking. 60% of men who are alcohol addicts are known to be suffering from loss of sexual appetite.

Ruined Families and relationships: Alcohol can be considered one of the biggest inducers of divorce among couples. It makes people less caring and more and more involved in their drinking antics. 90% of domestic violence incidents include alcohol.

Side effects of smoking: Drinking is usually accompanied by cigarettes and a cocktail of these two substances can be a deadly weapon against your sanity. For men below 40, erectile dysfunction primarily happens because of excessive smoking.

STDs: Alcohol consumption helps people shed their inhibition and cases of unprotected sex increases. It increases your chances of actually getting an STD. 50% of all impromptu sexual encounters happen in the presence of alcohol and 60% STD spread when alcohol is also in the picture. Young adults who consume alcohol at an alarming rate are 7 times more likely to indulge in unprotected sexual intercourse.

Hence, we see that alcohol addiction does not compliment healthy sex life and therefore people must toe in line at the right time to ensure the wellbeing of their lifestyle and sexual activities.

Alcohol And Its Effect On Sexual Life

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