Sir/madam I feel uncomfortable while I am in front of a lot of people. Especially when attending functions etc. I prefer not to go for such functions and I can't (or I don't want to socialise with people). I prefer staying at my home rather than any other place. I feel a lot of mental stress while I think I am being noticed by people. Its like a lot of tension is developing in me. Can you tell what is my exact problem?

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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You have a social anxiety problem and avoiding people will never solve the problem. The final test of a personality is int eh social context: anybody will be fine in the isolation of their room! What happens to us when we are with people is the test of our social adjustment. About the issue of social anxiety itself: Do you know if this is a family trait, or is the family by anyways less to socialize, or have you had any problem with fear because of some family or childhood experience? Have you ever been embarrassed in public by someone that it has left an indelible mark in your personality? You can take the answers to these questions to a counselor and resolve the same. Anyway, you must deal with your fear of people and it will be the best solution to your problem. In the meantime do some confidence building exercises by attending a personality development course, public speaking skills course (I suggest you join the Toastmasters Club), work out at a gym to build good self-image, and join social events to practice your skills. Surprisingly many people are often in the same boat as you, and so you are not alone. The very people you are intimidated by may be afraid of you too! There are three important developments to have to make an autonomous personality: Awareness, intimacy, and spontaneity. If you are super aware or too conscious of yourself, it will affect the intimacy and spontaneity. Although your problem is now directly to do with intimacy, you can see that they are all connected. Go and work on these matters with a counselor for this level of social anxiety to disappear from your life for good. 

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