Hi. My cousin she is 21 years old not married. She is getting sex mood often. And she is having sex by her own. Is it good or bad after her marriage life. How to help her to over come this please help me doctor.
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Hello. It is fine to have sexual urges at the age of 21 because of the body changes and the harmonal changes. Both mind and body are preparing for the next phase of life which is marriage and children. In India, there a a lot of taboo on showing sexual urges by women, but they are just as sexual as any man and have similar needs. If she doesn't develop Sexually, then how will she have sex, become pregnant and have babies? This is actually a conflicting situation, where she's expected to behave Sexually only under certain conditions and not otherwise. The more concerning question is how she's getting this basic need met and is she safe? If she's masturbating on her own, then where is the problem? It is in the privacy of her room ( I assume) and not in the company of other people. She has a right to satisfy her urges before and after marriage just as it it OK for men to masturbate. I fact it is healthy if people do so sometimes. Please don't attach any social, moral or religious beliefs to something which is as fundamental and basic as the right to eat, sleep, rest and work.
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Sexual self-gratification is okay as long as there is no indulgence: this is referred to as masturbation. It is the addiction to it that may be a problem. Not even the number of years is a problem but the frequency and compulsiveness to do it is to be considered for its ill-effects. At her age she may feel it difficult and it can become addictive if she has alone time, if she obsesses about it, and if she is not into relationships. The problem with addiction to this is that she may go on to prefer masturbation to heterosexual contact, even when she is married (although this is rare among women). That obviously would be an insult to her husband and will lead to a lot of conflict. Heterosexual contact is very wholesome and the physiology is made exactly for penile and vaginal contact. She will instead enjoy a poor replica of this and not know or care for the difference. The second thing that can happen with addiction is that it will become compulsive and will have no boundaries or limits, since it can be done all by herself, whenever, wherever, and however too. The big problem a lot of children get into is the guilt around this. A useful way to discharge the energy is to get into contact games, or exercises, or even hobbies to channelize it. Also she should not spend too much time alone, and she needs to keep her mind occupied with other interesting things and a lot of socializing. Even if she is not interested in marriage, for whatever reasons, it will help her to get into a friendship with a boy and enjoy the relationship where there will be a lot of excitement when she falls in love. Right now her hormones may be very active and her physiological apparatus is primed and ready for sexual stimulation. But because of her age and even otherwise it is important to develop good control and not feed into her impulses. Keeping herself occupied and living a healthy social life are the keys to manage her sexual drives.
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