I am very frustrated. Actually, I am the middle child of my family with one older and one younger sibling. From the day my younger brother came to this world It feels like living in hell. My parents always neglected me. Both of my siblings were in a very good school but I was sent to boarding when I was just 7 or 8 in ukg class. Whenever I used to come on holiday for some days they never played with me. I always felt like I was small and developed a very low self esteem. I always felt neglected from my parents and my siblings. They never talked with me. I was very very helpless. I think I got in depression when I was 14. I am 18 now and I am feeling very empty and very very angry. I want to kill my family especially my father. There's always suicidal thoughts around me. Please help me. What should I do ?

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist47yrs exp

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Yes, you could suffer depression from the pains of feeling rejected in your family. To really understand your problem in its totality, is to go back home to your family of origin to trace some of the genesis of your problems. In my opinion, I think that your problem lies in the fear of rejection. This rejection is usually founded in your family of origin, and is somewhat manifest in some descriptions you have given already. This is not to find fault in your parents: they may have done a lot of things with good intentions but may have inadvertently set up rejection. Now, the matter with your brothers may not have all been true but may just be your perception. However, surprisingly, what you perceive is more important than the reality itself. Let me explain: when they ask you to keep quiet, they are essentially saying just adjust for your brothers' sake. This is not a bad thing but in the repeated demand of this you will feel of lesser importance. This comparative thing is a form of rejection, even in your parents? innocence in asking for the adaptation. This is really a silly reason but quite demonstrative. If you go way back, and see if there was any rejection prenatally or postnatally (again all this with intention or without), the child will pick up the sensation or feel like he is not wanted or even rejected. As you can see, I am presuming all this. You will have to give it substance, if you so have the substance. Without reaching to any conclusions, just indulge in this thought to see if there is any semblance of truth to explore it further. Your parents may throw light on this but don?t share too much of what I saying until it has been verified. Also find out, if there was an abortion or miscarriage before or after you were born. Whether you were wanted by both parents at birth. Whether they expected a male child and were disappointed that you were a girl. How long were you breastfed by mom etc? These will all throw some light on my proposal of rejection, if there is any truth. It will help you sort many things that may not have made sense earlier. If there is any facts to backup my conclusions do meet with a counselor along with your parents and discuss your plight. Life is too precious and do not even think of terminating it. You are so young and have a lot of prospects and this issue of rejection can be sorted out effectively in therapy. 

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