While some people see tears as a sign of weakness, for others crying is a crucial way of dealing with grief. Though as children we re told not to cry and to  keep a hold  of our emotions, letting go of a few tears can help alleviate grief and emotional distress. 

Here are a few reasons crying could be a good idea when dealing with loss.

Crying can stimulate the release of endorphins: Crying cleanses the mind of negative emotions and allows you to express your emotions. Crying can be described as a reaction to pain and in order to control pain, the body releases endorphins. Endorphins are also known as happy hormones as they block the transmission of pain signals and create a sense of contentment. These chemicals can take a little time to have an effect and hence in most cases, you will notice an improvement in your mood after a good cry.
Crying elevates the mood: Crying can help reduce your body s manganese levels. A higher than normal manganese level can heighten anxiety, irritability, tiredness and emotional disturbances. By lowering manganese levels, the brain is left with enough space for happier emotions and hence crying can help elevate a person s mood.
Crying stimulates the body s parasympathetic nervous system: The parasympathetic nervous system controls a number of functions including heart rate. Crying can stimulate this system and trigger a state of relaxation. For this reason, you may feel sleepy after crying. This gives your body time to relax and deal with the problem at hand with a calmer mind.
Crying helps deal with stress: A stressful experience or emotional situation can cause a build-up of stress hormones known as cortisol. As the levels of cortisol increase in the body, it goes into flight or fight mode as an automatic response to stress. Crying reduces the cortisol levels and helps relieve tension and stress almost immediately.
Crying is cathartic: Every day we are exposed to conflicts and stressful situations that can build up into resentments and leave a person feeling anxious and depressed. Sometimes, giving vent to emotions and crying can help release these pent-up feeling and heap cleanse the mind of these negative emotions. Crying also allows us to open ourselves up to the people around and can improve the levels of intimacy between them. In this way, it can help a person become part of a community.

Crying - Can it Help You Overcome Sadness?

HOW TO BOUNCE BACK FROM FAILURE

“It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure,” Bill Gates said. We always shower praise on those who have triumphed. Very rarely do we examine all the times the successful people have failed, and analyze how they turned their “luck” around. In this tip, you will understand how to turn failure into success and bounce back with more fervour.

1. A SUCCESSFUL MINDSET: If you’re striving to achieve anything then failure is inevitable. “Whenever you’re trying a new experiment, whether it’s a new job, a new product, a new hobby, a new boyfriend or girlfriend–whatever it is–you need to give some thought to what is your strategy and which are the possible ways to achieve it. Do you have any plan B or plan C if plan A fails? What will you do if nothing works out...and how to minimise the losses as well as taking advantage of the opportunities that you have. Assessing your opportunities and threats to success is very important. When a newly wedded girl comes to stay with her In laws, she might need to have a number of ways in her kitty to make her place in the new household rather than just stick to a few traditional ones. If one technique doesn't work, try something else. Disaster strikes when creativity is not given a place and failure was not factored in. Feeling helpless doesn't add upto success. Optimism is what people need to bounce back with.

2. LEARN AND IMPROVE WITH EACH FAILURE: Failure is just an opportunity to learn and improve. It’s a teaching moment that should be analyzed with a practical, clear mind. It helps to see mistakes as stepping stones to learning and improving and using it as an opportunity to bounce back. Every person should behave like a scientist with a mind open to exploring, assessing, making mistakes and changing. Mistakes must be embraced as being part of the process of success. If we don’t make mistakes it means that we’re not trying, and if we’re not trying then we’re not learning and getting better. Your self-worth should not rest on perfectionism, but rather value your ability to accept and learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is willing to admit when they’re wrong, which can hamper progress and relationships. When Meena and Arun started dating each other, they didn't know each other well and tried to impress each other in ways that was not working out well for both of them. It was very frustrating for them to see that their relationship was not working out. In counselling, they realised that they were not asking what each can do to impress the other. Meena told Arun that she would like to be taken out to plays and theatre by her future partner and Arun told Meena that he would like to take weekend trips to nearby destinations to get to know his partner well. When they both started doing what the other appreciated, they got to know each other better and relationship started blooming. Thus Arun and Meena assessed the situation, were open to discussion and found an amicable solution instead of thinking of their previous efforts as failure and giving up. 

3. LOVE YOUR CRITICS: How do you feel when your work gets criticised repeatedly by your boss, manager or your husband. It mighty be hurtful and demeaning to hear critical feedback, but if many people are saying the same things about your work or behaviour, then maybe it's time to give it a serious thought. When Saira was often told that she wasn't cooperative enough in team activities and tends to slacken and pass on work to other members, her mind started working. She had got the same comments in her previous organisations. She started seeing a grain of truth in this feedback and took steps to rectify complaints that stood out common in all the feedbacks and reworked her way back to become a sought after team member. Her next years' appraisal was better and got her an increment. Saira triumphed, because she knew how to learn from criticism.

4. ACCEPT FAILURE AS AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE: Shivani was heartbroken when her 15 year old perfect son started doing badly in exams. Her world fell apart when she came to know that he had secured 73% in 10th grade. She felt that she had failed as a parent and her son as she had not devoted enough time to her son as she was a working mother. In counselling, she was asked if she knew any parent who had never failed their kids and were always there for them. Shivani couldn't come up with any names of such mothers who had been perfect to the core. Yes, that's how real mothers are...you will fail sometimes and you will win sometimes. Every moment you are real with your child, you are succeeding as a mother. Accepting failure as a part of life and knowing that you gave it your best shot is good enough. There's magic in feeling genuine regret rather than overkilling guilt and shame. Own your failure openly, publicly, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection—the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

5. GO WITH YOUR GUT: When you see a red flag, pay attention. How many times in life have you kicked yourself for not listening to that little voice in your head that says, “Something is wrong here”?. Preetam gave an interview with an organisation, going by their market reputation. Yet during the interview, he picked up feelings of dissonance within the company. After joining them, he realised that his gut was right..the company was going through major shuffle and policy changes, which were not working out for Preetam.

6. BE A PROBLEM SOLVER AND STAY CALM: In a crisis, people tend to get anxious. Maintaining a sense of Zen will not only allow you to think more clearly but will also set the tone for those around you. Kapil used to get tensed over small details. He realised that in the larger scheme of things they were really not that important. He focussed his energies on things that were more important for him to reach his monthly targets. This started calming him down.

7. FIND A SOLUTION: You need to figure out how to address and remedy the situation. Start by considering your end game — what’s the ultimate outcome you’d like to see? — and work backwards from there. Daya wanted to be a good father to his children. He wanted them to remember him as a gentle and loving father. He started working backwards and his daily actions and behaviours showed to his children that Daya was a loving father. He played with them, took them for cricket coaching, went swimming, shared personal success and failures and most of all listened to them when they had to say something.

8. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MISTAKES AND FAILURES: If you screwed up, don’t make excuses — just apologise genuinely for any errors on your part. Remember, that no one is perfect and it's human to err. Prema was a caring mother. She had many dreams about her daughter and wanted her to do well in studies and be a well behaved child of the family. But when her daughter started showing disinterest in studies and marks started falling, Prema used to beat up her daughter in her anxiety to do well. In counselling Prema understood that her intentions were good, but the way she communicated were not helping the situation as Prema's daughter hated her mother and maintained distance. Prema owned up her mistakes and apologised for her errors to her daughter. She also took remedial action to be accepting of her daughter and gave her the space to make her own mistakes and learn from them. 

9. BECOME PROACTIVE: Don’t let a small mistake linger and turn into a bigger one. That’s not to say you should simply be reactive, but i f you know you did something wrong, deal with it right away. Say, for example, you stuck your foot in your mouth during an important business meeting and inadvertently offended your boss or a client. Acknowledge the gaffe, apologize and try to move on without beating yourself up. Remember that, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

10. DEFINE YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND FAILURES: Its important to have your own definition of both rather than how the world sees and defines success and failure. Find answers to questions like: How would you be behaving when you have succeeded, what must happen to feel successful, how will your life change when you are successful? Every person has a very different view and definition for success and making it your own definition can spell failure. Don't let the world tell you whether you have failed or succeeded. It's also excellent for self esteem and works as a protective shield from potential damage. 

So, next time there’s that misstep, mistake or misunderstanding, remember to take a deep breath and be your own best publicist by remaining calm, seeking the solution and seeing the challenge as an opportunity to lead and learn.









How To Bounce Back From Failure - Tips From A Pyschologist

Asperger's syndrome has recently come under the umbrella of autism spectrum disorder. This syndrome usually affects the social skills of the patient, most heavily. The patient may seem normal and even intelligent at first glance. But on closer interaction, several social skill problems will come to the fore including an obsessive focus on certain topics and issues. Repetitive behaviour is also a part of this disease. Let us find out more about asperger's syndrome.

Symptoms: the symptoms usually begin to show up early on in one's childhood. The patient will not be able to make eye contact while speaking with others. Also, a perfectly normal person may seem inordinately shy and reserved during social interactions. This awkwardness may come to the fore in the form of looking for expression cues on other people's faces and even the body language. The patient may not be a very happy and lively soul, with hardly a smile to crack at the funniest of jokes. The lack of emotions or the emotionally numb state is also a major giveaway of the condition. Other symptoms may include a strong aversion towards change in food habits and routine.

Diagnosis: the diagnosis is usually done by mental health specialists like a developmental paediatrician, a psychiatrist, a psychologist or even a paediatric neurologist. These specialists can put the child through a variety of tests that will study the neurological health as well as the speech and emotional behaviour of the child.

Educating the parent: once the diagnosis has been done, the parents of the patient will have to appraised of the condition and its implications. The symptoms and treatment will have to be duly discussed even as the parents are put through training and therapy to learn techniques with which they can help the child in progressing along more normal lines. The therapy will also help the parents deal with the challenge of living with someone suffering from this condition.

Treatment: there are varied forms of treatment that aim at fixing the specific areas and symptoms that the patient is learning to live with. Social skills training, speech and language therapy, cbt or cognitive behavioural therapy and other forms of treatment can help the child overcome many symptoms that come from this condition.

In the course of the treatment, it is important for the child, parent and therapist concerned to realise that there is no single approach that can be applied to all patients suffering from asperger's syndrome. Individual care and therapy will be required for individual cases. At the same time, most of the skills will need to be repeated at home so that the child takes them more seriously.

What Is Asperger's Syndrome?

If someone in your family or your partner is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, your mental health is at stake too. You will have to take care of yourself and your emotional needs first. Life can be frustrating for you all the time. But, you need to identify your  feel good  activities and take some time out of your daily life to relax and calm down. Remember, you can succeed in the critical task of appeasing or pleasing your dear one with BPD, only when you are at peace with yourself first. Destress yourself to fight back the depression or emotional drainage caused by handling a BPD patient.

Here are few things that can help you have a better life while being in a relationship with a person suffering from BPD:

1. Don t isolate yourself: You must be in touch with people you like to be with. You need emotional support from friends and family to deal with life. Spending some quality time with friends and family members can add little happiness to your life. It will boost up your energy level to fight back the dark side of life. You must remember that you have a life as well.

2. Take care of your health: Sometimes, relatives of BPD patients forget to take care of their physical health. They forget basic stuffs like having proper meals, exercising, etc just because they are caught-up in a stressful relationship. But, remember you can help your loved one better only when you are physically fit.

3. Manage stress: Don t get anxious or depressed with the ongoing stress in your life. It will only add to your existing problems. Keep your nerves cool to have a better life for yourself as well as your sweetheart with BPD.

4. Believe in the 3c s formula: Well, it is a formula recommended by most of the mental health practitioners. Don t blame yourself for the irrational behaviour of your friend or dear one. The patient with BPD is solely responsible for his or her destructive behaviour or abnormal outburst. You will have to remember these 3c s: I didn't cause it; I can't cure it; and I can't control it.

5. Careful communication: You have to be very careful while communicating with BPD patients. Don t argue or try to convince them, when they are already in a disturbed frame of mind or agitated. They might end up getting destructive. Listen to their words carefully and patiently. Occasional nodding in between a conversation is advisable to let them feel assured about the fact that they are being heard and understood.

Don t forget to acknowledge their feelings. It is also important that you stay calm when the patient is angry and has turned destructive.

How to Deal with a Person Suffering from Borderline Personality?


Autism is defined as a neurobiological pervasive development disorder that includes lack of social skills and inability to reciprocate to social interactions. The patient may also have intellectual and cognitive deficits and problems in communication (verbal as well as non-verbal).

Ayurveda is the oldest study of medicine and has proved to be very effective when it comes to managing and treating those affected by autism. The earlier an autistic person resorts to ayurveda, the more effective it is.

Ayurvedic drink recipe for treating the symptoms of autism: (should be taken daily)
1.1/3 cup of yogurt
2.3/4 cup of water
3. Cumin
4. Coriander and
5. Ginger
Or
Diluted fresh pomegranate juice

Ayurveda in curbing aggression:
Autism includes heightened aggression and aversion from social interaction due to a neurological condition that impairs the functioning of the brain. Not all autistic patients are violent towards others, but may express their frustration by self-harm and emotional outbursts. One can curb these emotional outbursts by taking herbal supplements. An ayurvedic herb called brahmi (bacopa monnieri) which is known for its, anti-anxiety, neuroprotection and antioxidant properties can help considerably.

Regular massages using sandalwood, rose, lavender and gotu kola oils are also very calming and relieving, because it stimulates the blood flow and neuronal responses. Massage also helps in increasing eye contact and social relatedness, less stereotypical behavior and improved sleep.

Ayurvedic herbs for autism:
1. Brahmi- scientifically known as bacopa monnieri, brahmi is an important herb that delays the process of forgetting and improves memory. Not only does brahmi improve memory, but also increases the grasping power, intellect and speech and also corrects the abnormality of emotions, personality and mood of an autistic individual. It also helps in performing complex tasks such as comprehension, reasoning and learning.

2. Ashwagandha- scientifically known as withania somnifera, ashwagandha has high affinity for gamma aminobutyric acid (gaba) receptors. Low gaba activity is related to cognitive impairment.

3. Shankhapushpi- scientifically known as convolvulus pluricaulis, shankhapushpi is very effective in improving learning and memory and is highly effective in treating insanity and epilepsy. 

4. Centella asiatica- this ayurvedic herb is used as a medication for insanity, speech disorders and epilepsy, making it a very useful drug for treating autism.

Top 5 Ayurvedic Medicine for Autism Treatment

Memory lapses aren t exclusive to old-age which is why it is necessary to keep your mind sharp across all ages. The cognitive skill, memory, can be affected by various factors such as lack of sleep, hypertension, substance abuse etc. Here are a few tips which will help you keep your mind sharp:

Take Frequent Breaks: If you work for long hours at a stretch without taking a break, you run a risk of putting excessive strain on your brain which slows down its reflexes. Giving the brain a break once a while is a good idea and during a  brain break , you could engage in mentally stimulating activities such as playing Sudoku or puzzles.

Repeat To Learn Better: If you want to remember a crucial piece of information, it is advisable that you repeat that particular piece of information more than twice for a more comprehensive understanding. This tip would be even more effective if you read out aloud the information which needs to be remembered for uninterrupted concentration and comprehension.

Learn To Play An Instrument: Learn to play a musical instrument and regularly practice it as music stimulates the cells in your brain. Studies have shown a strong connection between relaxing forms of music such as instrumental or Celtic music and the motor areas of the brain which are linked to the learning and cognitive spaces. This happens because music triggers the  feel good  neurotransmitter in your brain.

Dietary Changes: Incorporate more nutritious items to your diet such as fresh fruits and vegetables as they are rich in fibre and vitamins which keep the brain and body healthy. Adding fish oil or fatty fishes such as salmon and trout is a must because they are rich in Omega-3 acids which help your brain retain information for a longer period.

Over-indulging in junk food can cause your brain to slow down while extreme crash-diets can cause lethargy in the cognitive areas of your brain. Hence, you should aim to balance your meals.

Forgetting Things - Keep Your Mind Sharp With These Tips

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