Marriage or any healthy relationship, is a bonding and not a binding. Finding the right person and living happily ever after is only true in fairy tales. In reality, once you find the right partner, maintaining and nurturing the relationship bond itself takes a lifetime and living happily solely depends on how you cultivate relationship with your partner.

Communication is one of the chief ingredients besides trust, understanding, love, care, companionship and empathy in a happy and successful marriage. And, failure to communicate is one of the foremost reasons for the failure of relationships. Do you say I love you and appreciate your partner or do you just criticise and complain about him/her all day long? Do you consider his/her ideas and feelings or always turn them down? To communicate effectively is to express yourself freely to your partner, convey your likes and dislikes, convey what turns you on and what doesn't! Unless and until you are vocal about your thoughts and feelings, how do you expect your partner to understand you? You feel frustrated and upset because things don't happen your way but have you tried to 'express' your way to your partner?

Lack of communication in relationships results in frustration, misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations, guilt and can create personal differences. It is difficult for people who share their lives with each other to coexist for long without having regular and smooth communication for oiling the machinery of the relationship.

Couples who communicate effectively are not always devoid of arguments. Arguments happen because there is a difference of opinion between the partners; which is a very normal thing. Arguments usually end in nasty and bitter manner. However, it is up to us to convert that unhealthy argument into a healthy one! Most of us indulge in these arguments to win; not to resolve the matter! What is important is the 'progress' in the matter at hand, not the victory.

Remember, not to engage in any serious discussion or disclosure when angry as you tend to lose balance and rational reasoning. The same holds true in a situation where your partner is not up to it. Receptivity is of utmost importance. A 'No' from a partner does not mean not now, not ever. It simply means I don't want to do that right now! Feeling free to say no if the request is unappealing at that point in time.

Communication cues that can help improve the quality of argument:

Remember, there is no blaming game! WHAT is Right is more important than WHO is right.
Use I statements instead of You always statements. Example I feel angry vs. You always humiliate me. When you use I statements, you're taking the onus on you.
Attack the issue; not each other!
Refrain from the 4 C's : Caustic (sarcasm), Compare, Condemn and Criticize.
Avoid mind-reading your partner and assuming things; instead express yourself verbally.
Using 'I feel' statements are better over You are ones. When you say I feel, you're taking the onus for your feelings and thoughts and avoiding direct blame on your partner.
Have an open mind. Minds are like parachutes; they work best when open. Be proactive and open to changes, alternatives and work effectively for resolving a conflict.
Stay away from Stereotyping (generalizing - all men are like that...) 'Gunnysacking; (nursing past grievances and bringing them up for review while trying to resolve a present conflict).
No engaging in 'Summarizing self-syndrome' where both partners continue to restate his/her stance and issues without actually listening to other and without understanding other's perspective, feeling frustrated.
Cut back on 'Catastrophizing' i.e. dwelling on the worst possible outcomes of a problem or risk that you face, to the point that even remote, unlikely disasters preoccupy your attention. Often, objectivity becomes clouded, and you may gradually begin to feel or act as though these unlikely events are really going to happen.
Get rid of 'Stereotyping'; (generalizing - all men are like..) and 'Gunnysacking' (cropping up issues from the past having no relevance to current problem).
Don't send double messages- statements which have two conflicting meanings. Keep it as simple and assertive as possible.
A mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work unless it is open. So have a broad perspective, try to understand your partner's perspective and try and arrive at a mutually agreeable decision that caters to well-being as a whole. Matrimony is the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented. What counts in making a happy marriage is not how much compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. Marriage was, is and never will be perfect, Yet it is the happiest wrong we are doing on earth!

Are You Happily (n)Ever After?

Smoking can cause irreparable damage to your mind and body. Chemicals in the tobacco travel to all parts of the body, leaving no area unaffected. According to available data, smoking causes 30% of all cancer deaths and about 80% deaths from emphysema and bronchitis. In addition to adversely affecting yourself, smoking also has a severe impact on your near and dear ones. According to WHO, about 600,000 people die every year from passive smoking. Out of the deaths that occur due to this, 1/3rd is that of children.

The Indian situation
While 85% of tobacco users worldwide consume it in the form of cigarettes, in India only 13% use it in that form. Additionally, 54% use it in the form of beedis. A study conducted on Indian smokers has revealed that an average of 8.2 cigarettes is smoked by an individual daily.

The study also revealed that the number of cigarettes smoked every year had grown to over 6 trillion. While 1 out of 10 adults dies from tobacco use worldwide, 5% of deaths in women and 20% of deaths in men in India are caused by cigarette and beedi smoking.

What happens when you smoke?
Cigarette smoke is made up of 4000 chemicals that are present either as tiny particles or gases and about 50 are known to lead to cancer, the toxin nicotine being one of them. In addition to nicotine, the chemicals that make up cigarette smoke also include tar and carbon monoxide. Prolonged exposure to these toxins can hamper your body's ability to filter air and clean the lungs. The smoke not only irritates the lungs but also causes excess production of mucus.

It also causes a paralysis of the tiny hair-like structures like cilia that line the airways and are responsible for removing dust and dirt from the organ. Paralysis of these hair-like structures also causes a buildup of mucus and toxic substances, leading to lung congestion. The extra mucus that is produced causes smokers to suffer from the very ubiquitous smoker's cough and chronic bronchitis.

It's also one of the many triggers of asthma, which brings about the narrowing and inflammation of the airways. Long-term exposure to tobacco smoke causes the destruction of the structure of the lung, walls of the airways as well as lung tissue. The result is a condition known as emphysema. Additionally, smoking also leads to cancer of the lung and over 80% lung cancer cases occur due to this habit.

Health Consequences of Smoking 3 Cigarettes A Day

Are you a 'What-If' person? Kill anxiety in 4 easy ways

Thinking about dangers and risks is a normal phenomenon, it helps us to stay alert and to become a good problem solver. It’s only when worrying gets out of a person’s control, it turns into a problem. If a person is constantly preoccupied with “what-if " and keeps imagining worst-case scenarios, worry actually turns into the cause for high pulse rate, insomnia, poor mental and physical health. 

Here are 4 simple steps to cope with anxiety and worry.

1. Breathing technique: The first thing to do when you get anxious is to take deep breath. Deep breathing is a powerful anxiety-reducing technique because it activates the body’s relaxation response. Try slowly inhaling to a count of 5, filling your belly first and then your chest, gently holding your breath to a count of 5, and slowly exhaling to a count of 5 and repeat several times.

2. Accept that you’re anxious: Remember anxiety is just a feeling, like any other feeling, by reminding yourself that anxiety is simply an emotional reaction, you can start to accept it. Acceptance is critical because trying to eliminate anxiety often worsens it. But accepting your anxiety doesn’t mean liking it or resigning yourself to a miserable existence. It just means you would benefit by accepting reality as it is – and in that moment, reality means 'anxiety' you are feeling.

3. Question your worries. When people are anxious, most of the time their brains start coming up with all sorts of unrealistic ideas, which most likely will never occur. To avoid unnecessary worry, one should ask himself / herself a few questions like:
- Is there a reason to believe something is wrong?
- What evidence is there that something is wrong?
- If the worst possible outcome happens, what would be so bad about that?
- What are the options I can use to handle the situation at hand?


4. Focus on right now: When people are anxious, they are usually obsessing about something that might occur in the future. It is important that when a person becomes anxious, he/she takes a deep breath and pay attention to what’s happening right now, around them. Even if something serious is happening, focusing on the present moment will improve your ability to manage the situation.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'Consult'.

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Are you a 'What-If' person? Kill anxiety in 4 easy ways

Drug abuse or addiction is not a sign of weakness or a character flaw, but it takes a lot more than willpower to overcome the problem. Abuse of illegal or certain prescribed drugs can trigger alterations in the brain   alterations that may lead to strong cravings and an impulse to use that makes sobriety seem like an unachievable goal. However, there is good news   no matter how hopeless the situation may seem, or how many times you have tried to break free and failed, with support and appropriate approach, the cure is possible. The most difficult choice for many to make when trying to overcome drug abuse is recognizing the problem and deciding on whether to make a change. It is natural to feel unsure about whether you are ready to start recovery. You might be concerned about how you are going to survive without OD ing on certain drugs. Well, Psychological Rehabilitation can help you overcome the crises. 

Rehab Psychology to Break Free from Drug Abuse Committing to sobriety involves altering a few things   

 How you cope with stress 

 Who you allow in your life 

 How you utilize your leisure time 

 How you perceive yourself 

Psychological rehabilitation takes into account the above points and uses the following techniques to overcome drug abuse include   

 Cognitive Behavioural Therapy   a psychologist helps the patient recognize the factors that are triggering for her/his craving for drugs, and manage or avoid those triggers. CBT also helps the person steer away from destructive behaviours and thoughts. 

 Motivational Interviewing   this involves a structured conversation between the psychologist and the patient. Through such conversations and motivational interviewing, the therapy aims to increase the patient s motivation to overpower drug abuse. For example   the therapist will help them identify the difference between how they are living in present and how they want to live in the future. 

 Participation in Activities   Psychological rehabilitation suggests that being immersed in a group activity can keep you distracted. Therefore, participate in an engaging task and see may witness the urge slowly fade away. 

Behavioural treatment in Rehabilitation Psychology can be particularly effective when combined with conventional medical treatment   it imitates the effects of specific drugs in a controlled way or reduces the  high  the person enjoys after doing drugs. Besides, you can always talk to a relative, a friend or a trusted family member to reach out for help and comfort. 

How Rehabilitation Psychology Can Help To Overcome Drug Abuse?

Speech therapy is a very distinct form of science that is often misunderstood by people in general. While the benefits of such a therapy is countless, people misinterpret what the therapy actually involves and what it does not. If you are avoiding speech therapy due to the following reasons, you should stop doing so as these are nothing but fabricated myths.

Speech therapy is all about talking: Do not think that speech therapy only involves talking with the therapist. The therapy focuses on the overall communication skills of a person, which definitely involves the speech but also the intricacies of articulation and body language. Sign aids and comprehension skills are also paid attention to in such a therapy session. So, if you feel that you have a problem regarding any one of these aspects, you need to visit a speech therapist.
Speech therapy is uninteresting: Nothing can be further from the truth than this. In fact, a visit to a dentist can be boring, but a visit to a speech therapist will always involve interesting activities such as tongue twisters. The therapists often treat children, which means that their offices, house toys, and other games designed to indulge the minds of infants as well.
A qualified speech therapist is needed for the therapy: Another myth, which needs to be dispelled, is that only a qualified speech therapist can help improve the speech of a person. In fact, any person who has a vast knowledge of diction, linguistic insight, and knowledge of grammar can help people with speech impairment. So, before visiting the doctor, the adults in the family should try and clear out the impairment themselves.
Speech therapy fixes issues in the snap of a finger: As with any kind of treatment, speech therapy does not work like magic. It is a continuous and long process that needs to be followed through. The pace of this treatment depends on the patient. Some patients are more receptive to this therapy than others. So, there is no guideline for the treatment of all speech-impaired individuals and one needs to be treated and allowed to get better at their own pace.
Your child will automatically learn perfect speech: If your child suffers from a speech impairment, do not delay a therapy session by thinking that he/she will automatically learn to speak better as they grow up. This way of thinking is not beneficial and hinders the eventual treatment for the impairment. The speech therapist can help you better if you bring your child to him/her as soon as you detect an issue. 

Don't Let These Myths Turn You Off From Speech Therapy

Have you ever noticed bar and clubs promoting energy drinks? You may have also bought energy drinks and alcohol, and tried mixing them. But what you don't probably know is consuming energy drinks with alcohol can be much riskier than drinking only alcohol. Since, very few people drink alcohol neat, a small shot of alcohol is usually mixed with juices, colas or more recently energy drinks to make a cocktail. While it is well-known fact that the sugar in these mixers is responsible for increasing the effect of alcohol on the body and weight gain associated with drinking, when energy drinks are mixed with alcohol, it can have an even more lethal effect on our bodies.

Studies show that this mix causes the brain to react in a similar way to how it behaves when in contact with cocaine. It can also cause permanent brain damage. This is because it stimulates the release of a protein cell known as FosB. This protein has the ability to permanently change the chemical connections inside the brain.

Some of the short-term effects of combining alcohol with energy drinks are:

Digestive troubles
Nausea
Loss of appetite
Depression
Hallucinations
Erratic sleep patterns
Violent behavior
Many of these effects can be a result of alcohol consumption as well and hence, it may not be attributed to the energy drinks being used as mixers. Regular consumption of such cocktails can increase your body s tolerance of this combination and make a person drink more. This can lead to long-term effects such as:

Malnutrition
Respiratory problems
Tooth decay and abcesses
Psychosis
Liver damage
Kidney troubles
Heart palpitations
Consuming alcohol tends to make a person feel sleepy and tired. However, when this alcohol is mixed with energy drinks, the caffeine in the energy drinks keep the person feeling energized and masks the effect of alcohol. This leads to a condition known as being  wide-awake drunk . In such a situation, the person begins to underestimate how much alcohol he or she is consuming. This creates a false sense of security and hampers with their judgement, balance and coordination. It also increases the risk of behaving erratically and getting into dangerous situations.

In addition to caffeine, energy drinks also have a high sugar content. A small can of energy drink can contain up to 30 grams of sugar. This is equivalent to about half the ideal amount of sugar one should consume in a day. The effect of consuming so much sugar is a fluctuation in blood sugar levels. If this fluctuation persists for a long time, it could lead to conditions such as diabetes and insulin resistance. Thus, along with understanding the ill effects of alcohol, it is also necessary to keep the effects of mixers in mind while concocting cocktails for your next weekend bash. 

Alcohol With Energy Drinks - Why It Should Never Be Mixed?

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