MRCOG, MD -gynaecology, obstretition, MBBS
Once the reality of the positive pregnancy test sets in, dreaming about the yet-to-arrive begins. Curiosity about gender, options for names, ways to manage, shopping ideas, etc., begin to get discussed. And then totally out of the blue the news comes that there is a miscarriage. This is one of the most depressing phases. It is very important for the family to be around and support each other. While the entire family is upset and hurt over the news, the mother needs most care as there is just not emotional but a huge physical component also to the episode. On the other hand, remember that miscarriages are extremely common, and is no indication of a fertility issue.
The first step would be to diagnose and confirm the miscarriage. After that, depending on whether it was complete or incomplete, some medical intervention might be required. In most cases, medications like misoprostol are given to expel the uterine contents. These help by clearing out the contents in about a couple of days' time. In some cases, a D and C might be required if your doctor suspects that medication will not suffice. This also helps identify if there is any issue in the uterus that could have caused the miscarriage.
While the above take care of the physical part, the emotional component also requires cautious management. Needless to say, this is trickier than the earlier one.
Mourn to your heart's content - When you have nursed a life within you and have lost it, it is very normal to cry for its loss. There would be a mix of emotions - shock, denial, confusion, anger, grief, depression, etc. Take some solace from that fact that this is nature's way of removing unhealthy fetuses.
Get someone to talk to - Need not be your husband, but anybody whom you can talk to without having to watch words. A sibling, a good friend, a close relative - your choice. Make sure you don't pick ones who will judge and sympathize with you. More than sympathy, you need someone understanding and knowledgeable.
Socialize more - As you would have kept to yourself post your positive test, use this time to socialize more and meet friends whom you have not regularly been in touch with. Close family members, your children (if you already have), society groups, movie groups, etc., help to a great extent.
Formal medical counseling: If you are not able to cope with your regular circle of family and friends, try seeking professional advice from counseling.
Spirituality - Whether you believe in temple or churches, spend some time there. Involve in some religious activity if you would like, this helps very often.
As much as it is painful and traumatic, it is not very uncommon or unnatural. Get back on your feet, the sooner you do, the better.