One of the most common personality disorders, BPD or borderline personality disorder often remains undiagnosed or repressed and gets passed off as mood swings or a volatile disposition. However this disorder is much more than just mood swings as it can seriously affect the quality of a person’s life. The primary manifestation of this disorder is in the way you think about yourself and others which result in the work that you need to do on a daily basis.
How does BPD manifest in your life?
The most common ways Borderline personality disorder can manifest in your life is with extreme mood swings or emotions, a discernable pattern in relationships becoming unstable after sometime, impulsive behavior, and a self–image which is distorted. BPD thus affects how you view yourself, how you feel about others and you resultant behavior in general. Some of the typical signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder are mentioned below.
Persistent feelings of emptiness
Causes of Borderline personality disorder
In most cases borderline personality disorder can’t be exactly attributed to a single cause and in most cases, is a combination of factors. While genetic or hereditary predisposition can cause BPD it may also be triggered by other factors. Also, not curbing mal-traits in young children or encouraging such behaviors may lead to BPD as they grow up. Some of the factors that contribute to BPD are
If you think you have been displaying some of the symptoms for a fairly prolonged period, it is advisable that you visit a mental health professional for counseling and start with therapy as advised by them.
Self-Awareness can be understood as knowing about oneself i.e. one’s thoughts, feelings and other characteristics of self. It is important because when we have a better understanding of ourselves, we are able to experience ourselves as unique and separate individuals and then have ability to make changes and focus on our strengths as well as identify the areas where we would like to make improvements.
One should Take out time to look inwards which can help shape the person as who they are, become what they intend to. Looking inward can help one take positive steps in life. It is a necessary part of gaining self-awareness of:
* who you are
* how you see yourself
* what you think about yourself.
Along with how others see you, experience you what they think about you and what they can either enjoy about you or be distanced by in you. At the very least, Introspection can help you make morally appropriate and much more personally responsible conscious decisions.
5 Benefits of Self-Awareness-
1. Character Building-Looking inward forces one to confront the person who they really are – the positive, the negative, the weaknesses and the strengths and motivates one to work on them.
2. Rational Neutral Thinking- The conscious awareness about self makes one think about all the available information and then guide their thoughts accordingly.
3. Better Decision Making- Introspection helps one take better decisions about self, keeping in mind one’s desires, abilities and strengths.
4. Fight With One’s Own Fears – Through self-awareness one can acknowledge one’s own fears and move towards managing the feelings they bring in.
5. Acknowledgement Of Choices- Introspection helps individual in defining the true authentic self which will help them to empower themselves to identify the real authentic choices and to feel much more confident in them and with them.
Thus, one must cultivate this practice of Self-Awareness for better understanding of self and make better decisions about self and ultimately be happy.
Emotional problems make direct tasks and simple errands harder. High feeling, bubbling disappointment and hurt emotions motivate the person. Certain people become very protective. Protectiveness causes us to pry on others. Others might want to disconnect completely and resolve issues in a different manner. A great many people manage their emotional issues by opposing, quelling and overlooking them. At this point, your brain feels uneasy and you end up making rash decisions. However, there are ways to deal with emotional problems. These are as follows:
In case that you continue facing this frequently, you will soon find that your relationship with your mind will begin to change. You will build up an intense metacognition (the capacity to face your reasoning) which helps you to handle your emotions and feelings in a great manner.
Everything you do in your life is basically to get someone to like you, or at least, not to dislike you. You may try to impress your parents, friends, spouse or even your colleagues, or rather you may just want someone to like you more. But this urge of ‘wanting to be liked by others’ is something almost all humans desire. In fact, it has become a way of life. Most people associate likability to physical appearance. While it does work to some extent initially, in the long run, it is your personality and behaviour that actually make a difference.
Seven ways to get people to like you:
1. Find out their interests: Every individual’s thought process is ultimately around his/her own self. Therefore, when you show a level of interest in a person, that person begins to reciprocate the interest in you. Hence the first step towards getting people to like you is by showing interest in them. This mutual admiration society builds itself in time from being virtual & simulated towards authenticity and genuinely being interested.
2. Be kind, compassionate and empathic: When someone shows warmth, it breaks the ice and makes it easier to become friendly. You don’t need to overdo anything to look attractive. You just need to be clean and maintain good hygiene and be kind to be reciprocated with the same.
3. Being humorous: People are generally more attracted towards someone who can make them laugh at times of distress. The class clown, for instance, is usually a popular kid. However, don’t constantly joke around or play pranks as the other person may get annoyed and frustrated instead.
4. Be energetic and enthusiastic: We actually tend to mirror the behaviour of those we spend more time with. Talk about what you love doing and show sincere enthusiasm and that energy will attract millions. Show them your enthusiasm through your voice, your body language and your confidence.
5. Your body language plays a role: Avoid the body language that conveys the signals of boredom or disinterest. For instance, crossing your arms at your chest gives an impression that you are disinterested in the other person and don’t want to be talked to, or, sighing heavily conveys the message that you are disgusted or frustrated.
6. Don’t be judgemental; accept the person as he/she is: Pay attention to other’s concerns and try nodding your head as you speak. Generally, people tend to mirror the body language of those around them in order to better understand what other people are feeling. By nodding your head you convey the message that you consider their views to be desirable which makes people more inclined to agree with you.
7. Smile and make an eye contact: The eyes are an incredible part of our body. Making an eye contact with someone tells them that you are engaged in what they have to say and are interested in them. Smile with your eyes, as if you are truly happy meeting or speaking to that person.
However, you don’t need to fake yourself up to get others to like you. Just be yourself and love yourself first. Being yourself however doesn’t mean you can do what ever you wish to, as you cannot be happy if you are not empathic. One needs to balance eastern and western perspectives and live by good values and integrity and others will naturally start liking you.
Borderline personality disorder is connected with the mental health of the patient and is usually seen in the way the patient perceives himself or herself. This has a deep impact on the brain and overall functioning of the patient. It leads to problems in the personal life and relationships of the patient. These problems are usually triggered by a fear of abandonment. Let us explore the signs and symptoms of this condition to understand it in a better manner:
Stonewalling is a term that was developed by psychologist Dr John Gottman, who specializes in relationship research and therapy. Stonewalling means when a person “withdraws from the interaction, shutting down and closing themselves off from the speaker because they are feeling overwhelmed or physiologically flooded”.
Stonewalling is when a person withdraws from a conversation and refuses to deal with concerns. Stonewalling occurs when individuals tends to completely decline to communicate or cooperate. Stonewalling is different from rare timeout, stonewalling occurs when an individual is absolutely denies another partner’s perspective. Stone walling occurs in various situations. Both verbal and non-verbal behavior can be an indicator of stonewalling. Stonewalling is considered to be a manipulative technique and it can hamper the relationships.
Communication is considered to the essence of every relationship. When one or both partners engage in stone walling, this reflects that the couple refuses to communicate their feelings. Communication is considered to be the essence of every relationship. Thus stone walling tends to outweigh the positive effects of communication and leads to vicious cycle where couples avoid discussing about their concerns.
Stonewalling can be considered to have psychological as well as physiological effect. Stonewalling is considered to be a form of fight or flight responses. It is considered to be a controlling tactic that can lead to emotional abuse. Stonewalling is ineffective and can damage your relationship. The problem of stonewalling is seen not only between the couples but also exist in families.
Stonewalling is considered to closing stages to communication and can appear to be hurtful to the person who is at the receiving end. It can create feelings of abdondonment and detachment in the relationship.
Despite the fact whether stonewalling is intentional or not but the message it conveys can be still very hurtful as it tend to show that your partner is not worth responding to and their thoughts and feelings also don’t matter.
While stonewalling many times occurs in the form of coping mechanism, it can have catastrophic implications when it is used over period of time.
Stonewalling or Silent treatment can be most destructive pattern of communication that destroys relationship because it can create feeling of loneliness and rejection. Stonewalling can be frustrating, unbearable and isolating for individuals who are at receiving end.
When people engage in stonewalling is to avoid dealing with the situation, to get attention, to show power and to express anger. Every individual experiences conflict in their relationship and every couple should resolve the issue sooner rather than later. No couple can ever be conflict free. Happy couples are those who know how to deal with problems when they arrive. Showing love and affection can really help couple win the battle.
A relationship marked by recurrent stonewalling behavior can cause suffers tremendous rift between the two partners. Unless the couple, doesn’t learn how to communicate with each other more productively the problems will continue to persist. The partners become more distant from each other and the intimacy declines. They may continue to live their lives without sharing any activities or interests with each other.
Relationships can be tricky. They require a lot of patience and good communication. Many times the problem arises when the couple avoids dealing with the problem which can cause deterioration in the relationship. It is essential for the couple to learn and grow along side.
No matter what the reason is behind stonewalling it is important to communicate rather than shutting all the means of communication.
If you recognize that your partner is stonewalling you, it is also essential to understand that how you may be contributing to the problem and take steps in the desired action. When the problem seems to get out of control seek help from professional marriage counsellor or relationship expert in order to improve self-esteem and communication skills is essential.
Borderline Personality is a behavioural pattern that includes mood swings, self-esteem issues, impulsive behavior and recurrent ideas of self-harm. It causes lot of turbulence in one's life and can lead to psychological distress.
People having borderline personality traits fear abandonment and loneliness. At the same time, they have may also experience mood swings, sudden emotional outburst or anger and hostility. This often prevents them from having a smooth and long lasting relationship in life. It usually starts affecting the patient's life from early adulthood. It however seems to improve with age. The patient can have distorted self-image, validate his/her standing in the society based on how others look at them. He or she can be unclear about what they want from life or even have doubts about themselves. Even minor incidents can trigger intense reactions in people with BPD.
Symptoms of BPD:
Causes for BPD:
Diagnosis for BPD:
There is no particular clinical test that can diagnose BPD. It can be diagnosed by a series of interactive session with the patient by a psychiatrist.
Love and support from family and friends are crucial for patients suffering from this disease. Prolonged counseling sessions, therapies and the effort to break away from the chronic gloomy thoughts will definitely lead one to a better life.
Men and Women are different and so are their demands. In order to work through marriage, it just doesn’t require love but also a level of right understanding. When you completely understand and realize your role in a relationship, you become more contended. In such a stable atmosphere you tend to grow closer.
Many times we tend to love our partner but we are not able to understand them. Love is just not enough to work through the relationship in today’s scenario. Understanding is a multifaceted concept. It essential for couple to learn each other’s needs and wants. Every marriage requires the couple to walk on the same track rather than on parallel ones.
Having right understanding is considered to be one of the basic aspects of being happy in a marriage. Thus, people who are high in EQ are not just able to understand their own emotions but those of other’s as well. This quality helps them to form better relationship with others. On the other hand, lack of understanding can stir up negative emotions.
Communication helps to open the path to right understanding. Only when you’re able to communicate what you desire and what you expect from each other, you’ll be able to reach to same level. One of the reasons for lack of understanding is because of power struggle. When power struggle comes in between couple they become emotionally charged and the ego tends to set in. Thus the couple tends to put each down.
Listening is an essential part of communicate; it is essential on the part of the partner to listen and comprehend what the spouse has to say rather than jumping to conclusions. It is necessary to pay attention to what the partner has to say.
The other reason can be compatibility problems, no matter how hard the couple tries; they are just not able to come to a common ground. However, if your partner is not supportive, it leads to less communication and can strain relationship both now and in the future. Thus, this is an unhealthy dynamic in any relationship and needs to be addressed to prevent damage or conflict. It is believed and portrayed by various movies and shows that the husband and wife are barely able to take a joint decision and are always bickering over small petty issues, which can be pointed to lack of understanding.
3. Emotional State
It is important on the part of the spouse to pay attention to partner’s emotional state and also provide an opportunity to let confide. Doing activities together and inspiring each other at every step to move forward can lead to happiness in marriage and makes the bond stronger.
4. Mutual Decisions
Listen to each other and try to take mutual decisions. Also, give each other the room to work things out. Take good care of details for each other. Also, try to together work out a schedule and dependably accomplish it.
In order to develop a stronger relationship, the couple should try and understand the root cause from where the problem arises. In case spouse is emotional and delicate, it is important to lend a sympathetic hand.
When you try to appreciate one another, it can lead to new hope and you become eager to work on your marriage. Empathy is very essential to restore the level of understanding, only when you can put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to comprehend their viewpoint.
Understanding can be associated to very basic day to day activities or can be related to any major event in life. Many times even if a partner makes the effort to be a little understanding, the other partner is not appreciative of the fact and takes it for granted which can arise many new issues.
Lacking the right understanding can lead to unhappiness and discords. Due to that sometimes couple struggle through out married life. So, we need to have the right understanding to resolve the disagreements at all level n earliest too. Every individual has some sort of understanding but having the right kind of understanding is what makes couple stronger.
It is important to address the conflicts when they arise rather than ignoring the issues. Delay will lead to the piling up of issues and may become difficult to resolve. Don’t wait to seek a relationship expert or professional marriage counsellor when problems get out of hand.
Is depression eating you up from within? Are you facing severe emotional meltdown? Emotional disturbances can ruin your life, and this is why you have to look for the best preventive ways. You can have a consultation with any counsellor so that you can share your problems. Your counsellor will definitely help you to get some potential way-out.
Best ways for preventing emotional meltdown:
- Detecting the signs: The actual signs of emotional meltdown need to be detected and then only you can get rid of the same. Both your facial expressions and behavioural changes are to be observed carefully as these will help you to detect the signs. If you are remaining silent for most of the times, then there is something going on in your mind for sure.
- Early intervention: you should rely on your intuition or sixth sense so that you can sense the troubles you are going to face. You should have a good observation power so that you can sense things easily. Remain quiet and calm so that you can take the right decisions.
- Living well: you need to choose a completely healthy way of living, otherwise you will never get freedom from emotional troubles. Do not think much about past incidents, rather you should look forward so that you can go ahead. You should develop only positive mentality in order to discharge your duties in a perfect manner. Remain happy and keep everybody happy, and then only you will be able to get the actual essence of life. Healthy eating and good habits are also needed so that your life can become more lively and refreshing.
- Have proper communication: If you think that your friends or family members are pretty reliable, then you can openly communicate with them. This would help you to get mental relief and relaxation. If you open up your emotions and share them with anybody, then you will feel relaxed and your mind will be calm at all times.
- Have counselling: It is not always possible to share all your secrets with your loved ones, and this is the reason you have to look for the most reliable option. You can go for thorough counselling, and this can help you to get rid of depressing thoughts and other mental troubles. In this case, you have to look for the best counsellor in your locality so that you can disclose all your hidden secrets. In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!