I am 24 years old and I have a strong sexual desire to my sister who is 3 years older than me. Me & my cousins mentality matches about 98% and we love so much each other as a brother and sister that I can't explain. I have no such kind of feelings in my childhood. But as I grown up came to know about sex I started to having fantasies about my cousin. I try to keep myself with her when she is around me. Sometimes I masturbate thinking about her and I feel so bad after it. I just can't control the feelings. But after masturbation I got normal. It seems like that if possible I would marry her but society will not accept. Getting a wife like her would be a god gift to me. Now she is getting married with her loved one and I couldn't able to express my feelings how much hurt I am. I'm not a bad boy. If she came to know about this she might be very sad. But these things make me feels like that i'm a bad boy. I keep myself busy in work aside sometimes I drink alcohol to escape from everything.