HOW TO BOUNCE BACK FROM FAILURE

“It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure,” Bill Gates said. We always shower praise on those who have triumphed. Very rarely do we examine all the times the successful people have failed, and analyze how they turned their “luck” around. In this tip, you will understand how to turn failure into success and bounce back with more fervour.

1. A SUCCESSFUL MINDSET: If you’re striving to achieve anything then failure is inevitable. “Whenever you’re trying a new experiment, whether it’s a new job, a new product, a new hobby, a new boyfriend or girlfriend–whatever it is–you need to give some thought to what is your strategy and which are the possible ways to achieve it. Do you have any plan B or plan C if plan A fails? What will you do if nothing works out...and how to minimise the losses as well as taking advantage of the opportunities that you have. Assessing your opportunities and threats to success is very important. When a newly wedded girl comes to stay with her In laws, she might need to have a number of ways in her kitty to make her place in the new household rather than just stick to a few traditional ones. If one technique doesn't work, try something else. Disaster strikes when creativity is not given a place and failure was not factored in. Feeling helpless doesn't add upto success. Optimism is what people need to bounce back with.

2. LEARN AND IMPROVE WITH EACH FAILURE: Failure is just an opportunity to learn and improve. It’s a teaching moment that should be analyzed with a practical, clear mind. It helps to see mistakes as stepping stones to learning and improving and using it as an opportunity to bounce back. Every person should behave like a scientist with a mind open to exploring, assessing, making mistakes and changing. Mistakes must be embraced as being part of the process of success. If we don’t make mistakes it means that we’re not trying, and if we’re not trying then we’re not learning and getting better. Your self-worth should not rest on perfectionism, but rather value your ability to accept and learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is willing to admit when they’re wrong, which can hamper progress and relationships. When Meena and Arun started dating each other, they didn't know each other well and tried to impress each other in ways that was not working out well for both of them. It was very frustrating for them to see that their relationship was not working out. In counselling, they realised that they were not asking what each can do to impress the other. Meena told Arun that she would like to be taken out to plays and theatre by her future partner and Arun told Meena that he would like to take weekend trips to nearby destinations to get to know his partner well. When they both started doing what the other appreciated, they got to know each other better and relationship started blooming. Thus Arun and Meena assessed the situation, were open to discussion and found an amicable solution instead of thinking of their previous efforts as failure and giving up. 

3. LOVE YOUR CRITICS: How do you feel when your work gets criticised repeatedly by your boss, manager or your husband. It mighty be hurtful and demeaning to hear critical feedback, but if many people are saying the same things about your work or behaviour, then maybe it's time to give it a serious thought. When Saira was often told that she wasn't cooperative enough in team activities and tends to slacken and pass on work to other members, her mind started working. She had got the same comments in her previous organisations. She started seeing a grain of truth in this feedback and took steps to rectify complaints that stood out common in all the feedbacks and reworked her way back to become a sought after team member. Her next years' appraisal was better and got her an increment. Saira triumphed, because she knew how to learn from criticism.

4. ACCEPT FAILURE AS AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE: Shivani was heartbroken when her 15 year old perfect son started doing badly in exams. Her world fell apart when she came to know that he had secured 73% in 10th grade. She felt that she had failed as a parent and her son as she had not devoted enough time to her son as she was a working mother. In counselling, she was asked if she knew any parent who had never failed their kids and were always there for them. Shivani couldn't come up with any names of such mothers who had been perfect to the core. Yes, that's how real mothers are...you will fail sometimes and you will win sometimes. Every moment you are real with your child, you are succeeding as a mother. Accepting failure as a part of life and knowing that you gave it your best shot is good enough. There's magic in feeling genuine regret rather than overkilling guilt and shame. Own your failure openly, publicly, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection—the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

5. GO WITH YOUR GUT: When you see a red flag, pay attention. How many times in life have you kicked yourself for not listening to that little voice in your head that says, “Something is wrong here”?. Preetam gave an interview with an organisation, going by their market reputation. Yet during the interview, he picked up feelings of dissonance within the company. After joining them, he realised that his gut was right..the company was going through major shuffle and policy changes, which were not working out for Preetam.

6. BE A PROBLEM SOLVER AND STAY CALM: In a crisis, people tend to get anxious. Maintaining a sense of Zen will not only allow you to think more clearly but will also set the tone for those around you. Kapil used to get tensed over small details. He realised that in the larger scheme of things they were really not that important. He focussed his energies on things that were more important for him to reach his monthly targets. This started calming him down.

7. FIND A SOLUTION: You need to figure out how to address and remedy the situation. Start by considering your end game — what’s the ultimate outcome you’d like to see? — and work backwards from there. Daya wanted to be a good father to his children. He wanted them to remember him as a gentle and loving father. He started working backwards and his daily actions and behaviours showed to his children that Daya was a loving father. He played with them, took them for cricket coaching, went swimming, shared personal success and failures and most of all listened to them when they had to say something.

8. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MISTAKES AND FAILURES: If you screwed up, don’t make excuses — just apologise genuinely for any errors on your part. Remember, that no one is perfect and it's human to err. Prema was a caring mother. She had many dreams about her daughter and wanted her to do well in studies and be a well behaved child of the family. But when her daughter started showing disinterest in studies and marks started falling, Prema used to beat up her daughter in her anxiety to do well. In counselling Prema understood that her intentions were good, but the way she communicated were not helping the situation as Prema's daughter hated her mother and maintained distance. Prema owned up her mistakes and apologised for her errors to her daughter. She also took remedial action to be accepting of her daughter and gave her the space to make her own mistakes and learn from them. 

9. BECOME PROACTIVE: Don’t let a small mistake linger and turn into a bigger one. That’s not to say you should simply be reactive, but i f you know you did something wrong, deal with it right away. Say, for example, you stuck your foot in your mouth during an important business meeting and inadvertently offended your boss or a client. Acknowledge the gaffe, apologize and try to move on without beating yourself up. Remember that, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

10. DEFINE YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND FAILURES: Its important to have your own definition of both rather than how the world sees and defines success and failure. Find answers to questions like: How would you be behaving when you have succeeded, what must happen to feel successful, how will your life change when you are successful? Every person has a very different view and definition for success and making it your own definition can spell failure. Don't let the world tell you whether you have failed or succeeded. It's also excellent for self esteem and works as a protective shield from potential damage. 

So, next time there’s that misstep, mistake or misunderstanding, remember to take a deep breath and be your own best publicist by remaining calm, seeking the solution and seeing the challenge as an opportunity to lead and learn.









How To Bounce Back From Failure - Tips From A Pyschologist

In the modern day lifestyle, it is extremely difficult to be stress free. Even a tiny situation like losing your pen to a something like meeting a deadline at work can cause stress. Stress acts like a catalyst to different diseases like high cholesterol, hypertension, cardiac diseases, etc. You cannot avoid stress, but what you can do is help yourself fight it; and you can actually fight stress with the help of food as well. Here are a few food items which will help you with your fight against stress:

1. Chocolate: Chocolate is one of the best stress busters. It contains magnesium, phenyl ethyl amine and carbohydrates, all of which help lift your spirits. Chocolate helps in the reduction of stress hormones, helping you to relax.

2. Coffee: Coffee helps your brain signal the production of BDNF (a brain derived protein), which helps to keep your brain cells healthy. A low level of BDNF can cause a lot of stress and depression. Coffee triggers many neurotransmitters, which control your mood changes; so may be a cup or two of coffee will help your to be chirpier.

3. Green leafy vegetables: All green leafy vegetables like spinach contain a high quantity of magnesium. Magnesium prevents headaches and fatigue, which in turn reduces stress.

4. Black Tea: Black tea can relieve you of stress, quicker than any other food item. Black tea reduces the amount of cortisol, a hormone which causes stress, and gives you a feeling of calmness.

5. Milk: Milk contains calcium, which is known to ease anxiety and control sudden mood swings related to PMS or post menstrual stress.

6. Bananas: Bananas have a huge content of dopamine, which is a natural chemical that works towards boosting your mood. This is the same chemical released in your body after a session of working out. Bananas also have a lot of potassium and B group vitamins which work towards soothing your nervous system and a lot of magnesium which brings in positivity to your mood.

7. Almonds: Almonds are rich in vitamin E and group B vitamins, which will help you to be more resilient when you are depressed or anxious.

So if you are stressed out, pop in a few almonds or have a cup of tea, and release your stress.

7 Foods That Fight Stress

Do you believe that the world is a hostile place and you are a victim? Are you the one who often doubts his or her abilities? If so, you might be showing signs of low self-esteem. Interestingly, self-esteem has nothing do with your actual ability or talent. Your looks, weight or skills are not responsible for your low self esteem. It largely depends upon the fact that how you value yourself.

It has been observed in most cases that self-esteem is often affected by a number of reasons, including ill-health, unpleasant memories from the past, and termination of relationships. Low self-esteem is generally marked in survivors of physical or sexual abuse, victims of racial discrimination or people who have had a traumatic past life.

If you don t pay attention towards this issue, you might end up developing certain serious mental disorders. Low self-esteem is also the root cause behind the occurrence of mental disorders like borderline personality disorder, depression, etc. However, there is nothing to worry about it. There are certain simple things that are useful in building up your self-esteem.

Here s all that you need to do to start believing in yourself and be confident about your capabilities:

1. Remember your strong points: Make three separate lists of your strengths; achievements and your qualities that you admire. Take help from your friends, parents and other well-wishers for preparing these lists. These lists will help you in understanding your abilities and goodness. You will be able to believe in your strengths. You must read through these lists at least once daily.

2. Be positive: Optimism and a positive approach towards life are the key to success. Your self-esteem is influenced by the fact that how you look at life. Life is not a bed of roses. It is unavoidable that you will have to face critical situations or problems in life. But, what is important is to face them with courage and a faith in your own abilities. Be positive and stop developing negative thoughts about yourself. Get rid of thoughts like  I am a loser ;  I can t get rid of this problem ; etc.

3. Take care of your body: Your outward appearance sometimes works wonders in lifting up your inner-self and spirits. Keep yourself clean, trim your beard or hairs; cut your nails; don t forget to floss your teeth and maintain overall personal hygiene to develop a feeling of goodness.

4. Sleep well: A good night s sleep is essential for boosting up your self - esteem.

5. Eat right: A balanced diet is a key to good health. Eating the right food in the right way keeps your mental and physical health all right. Include minerals and vitamins in your regular meals. Avoid distractions like television or radio while taking meals.

6. Exercise: Regular workouts keep you away from mental-ill health.

7. Be cool and comfortable first: When it comes to your dressing, try to put on attires that you can carry well. Wear stuffs that you love the most.

How to Build your Self Esteem?

Stress happens when the demands placed on you are too much and cause a burden on you, for example, work, school or relationships surpass your capacity or ability to adapt. Sometimes stress can be a little beneficial in the form of a support that gives the drive to some people to get their work done on time and meet due dates and deadline. However, an extraordinary measure of stress can create health and well-being issues. They can lead to problems in cardiovascular and central nervous systems and take a serious emotional problem.

Untreated and chronic stress can bring about serious health conditions including tension, sleeping disorder, muscle pain, hypertension and a weak immune system. Stress can fuel other diseases and disorders, for example, heart diseases, depression and obesity most of the times. By discovering positive, healthy and solid ways to oversee stress as it happens, a significant number of these negative wellbeing outcomes can be decreased. Here are five effective ways to manage stress:

Take a break from the stress: It might appear to be hard to divert yourself from a major work schedule. However, when you give yourself consent to step away from it, you let yourself have sufficient energy to accomplish something else, which can help you have another viewpoint or practice methods to feel less stressed. It is critical not to ignore the stress factor. However, even twenty minutes to yourself is useful.
Workout: Exercise benefits your emotions and brain along with your body. We continue finding out about the long term advantages of a normal exercise schedule. In any case, even a ten or fifteen-minute walk, run, swim or yoga session during an unpleasant time can give a quick impact that can keep you going for a few hours.
Laugh and try to stay happy: Our brains are interconnected with our feelings and outward appearances. When individuals are stressed, its shows up on their face. So laughter can alleviate some of that pressure and enhance the circumstance.
Get social backing: Try to call a friend or send an email to someone regarding your problems. When you impart your worries or sentiments to someone else, it helps calm the stress. In any case, it is critical that the individual whom you converse with is somebody whom you trust and someone who can understand and accept you. In case that your family is the stressor, for instance, it may not ease your stress in which case, you may need a friend.
Meditate: Meditation and prayer can help the brain and body to unwind and concentrate properly. It can help people see new points of view, create self-sympathy and forgiveness. While practising meditation, individuals can discharge feelings that may have been bringing about physical pain. Much like a workout, research has demonstrated that practising meditation can prove to be very helpful.

5 Effective Ways to Manage Stress

Do people really suffer from mood disorders?

Mood disorders are common psychological problems that affect a vast portion of the human populace all over the world every year. These occur when there is a shift or imbalance in a person's psyche which affects his or her daily function and interpersonal relations in varying degrees. Each individual is affected by these conditions in a different capacity and responds to them in a distinct manner.

Mood disorders generally manifest themselves as fluctuations in a person's temperament. It is triggered by various factors. These mental illnesses range from mild to severe, the latter requiring urgent psychological counseling and treatment. A mild condition may even develop into a painful and chronic one without any form of remedial intervention.

What are the most common types of mood disorders?

There are many distinctive categories of mood disorders that can affect a person. The most commonly occurring ones are as follows:

- major depressive disorder

- bipolar disorder

- dysthymia

- cyclothymia

- seasonal affective disorder (sad)

Major depression is the most frequently occurring type of mood disorder. It causes mental and emotional turmoil, as well as physical anguish. Those affected by it may experience a single episode in isolation or multiple episodes over a period of time. The milder version of this condition is known as dysthymia.

Bipolar disorder is a comparatively rare condition that causes alternating states of extreme mania and depression. It is also known as manic-depressive illness. The mild version of this is called cyclothymia.

Seasonal affective disorder or sad is a depressive disorder that is known to affect those living in colder climes. It is caused generally by the lack of warmth and light, the onset of which begins in late autumn and lasts till the end of winter.

What causes a mood disorder?

Mood disorders are very difficult to diagnose as they can be caused by an assortment of triggers and the symptoms are not always apparent. This is particularly true in the case of dysthymia and cyclothymia.

Some of the usual factors that lead to mood disorders are:

- chronic stress and anxiety

- anomalies in the functioning of the nervous system

- prolonged periods of isolation

- genetics

- childhood abuse and trauma

- ineffectual coping mechanisms

- insufficient nourishment/malnutrition

In most cases, a combination of multiple factors usually leads to the development of mood disorders and other mental illnesses.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'consult'.
Related Tip: 5 Mood Uplifting Foods You Must Keep Handy

Do People Really Suffer from Mood Disorders?

Facing a major crisis in life? Here are 5 ways to deal with one

Life is a mixture of good and bad times and everyone experiences a crisis at some point in their lives. A life crisis is a situation when everything in your life seems to fall apart, followed by a major event or a series of events such as the loss of a job, death of a family member, a relationship break-up, divorce, to name a few. Whatever the reason may be, each crisis tests your ability to cope with grief. 

Here are some tips on how to face a life crisis bravely and bring your life back on track.

1. Don't run away from the problem
It's very common for people to want to run away from problems when situations are not in their favour. Instead, face the difficulties bravely and try to find ways to deal with it. Accept that it has happened and focus on the next logical course of action.

2. Rule out the negative self-assumptions with logical reasons
After experiencing a major loss in life, it's not uncommon to have negative self-assumptions or feelings of guilt. You may feel traumatised due to the happenings in your life and may start believing that the world is no longer a safe place. This can lead to frustration and sense of futility. In such a situation, don't panic unnecessarily, and give yourself logical reasons instead to prove that most of your negative assumptions are not true.

3. Seek the help of your family and friends
Spend more time with your family and friends, but do not always discuss the negativities you are facing in life. Instead of always telling them how terrible you feel, enjoy some light moments with them. This will help you cultivate a feeling of having a strong and secure support network.

4. Take a short vacation
Take a break from work and spend few days out of your town. It will help rejuvenate your soul and re-energise you to deal with the crisis situation. Vacations prove to work wonders to your physical and mental health, reducing depression and the stress you face to a considerable extents. 

5. Keep a record of your progress
Record whatever positive happens to you each day, even if it's a small thing. Write about how you feel while experiencing and recovering from this crisis. This not only helps in bringing about a positive mind-frame, but also keeps your mind away from the painful events, speeding the healing process.




Facing a Major Crisis in Life? Here are 5 Ways to Win Over It.

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