Knowing premature ejaculation - part 3: management and techniques (non-medical methods)

As shared in part 1and 2 of this series, because of premature ejaculation (pe), both the partners may end up experiencing highly unsatisfactory sex. In fact, it can increase anxiety, which may deteriorate the problem. 
Remember there is not a single magical drug or medicine in the chemist shop which can solve your problem overnight especially if you have chronic pe. Before seeking any medical treatment for pe, it is appropriate to consider the varied options for solving this issue. These include counseling with a sexual therapist, non- medical treatments like various exercises/ techniques and medical treatments including both modern and alternative medicine.

A. Counseling from an expert - sexual therapist or sexual medicine practitioner:
It is well understood that sex is in the mind. However, repeated pe/ failures can lead to lot of stress and disappointments. Anxiety due to pe itself is a big issue and can lead to recurrence of pe.
Reassurance from sexual therapist / counselor that pe is not a disease and can be easily treatable is relaxing for men who are facing this problem. So please share your detailed history and sexual habits with the expert. This may help the expert to guide you well.

B. Behavioral changes:

Some basic things may also help you to deal with the problem. 

1. Some men attempt to treat themselves for premature ejaculation by distracting themselves by thinking nonsexual thoughts (such as naming cricket players and records) to avoid getting excited too fast when approaching their partners. This helps them to focus their attention away from the sexual stimulation.

2. It is also suggested to men that they should relieve themselves of the sexual tension by ejaculating with self masturbation 1-2 hours before attempting sexual intercourse with their partner.

3. Using condoms is known to help in premature ejaculation in some men by decreasing sensation.

4. Women on top position usually helps to delay orgasm in men

 
C. Exercises &amp; techniques:

There are several exercise and techniques you can try sitting in your home.

1. The" stop and start" method:
This technique involves sexually stimulating the man by self until he feels like he is about to reach orgasm. Then he needs to stop the stimulation for about 20-30 seconds and then start it again. Repeat this pattern until the man wants to ejaculate. This can be continued for 10-15 minutes. At the end of say, 10th or 15th minute, continue stimulation until the man reaches orgasm and ejaculates.
2. The" squeeze" method:
 This technique involves sexually stimulating the man by self or by his partner until he recognizes that he is about to ejaculate. At that point, the man or his partner gently squeezes the end of the penis (where the glans penis meets the shaft) for at least 15 seconds. Stop sexual stimulation for about 60 seconds, and then start it again. The person or couple may repeat this pattern for at least 10-15 minutes. At the end of say, 10th or 15th minute, continue stimulation until the man reaches orgasm and ejaculates.
3. Practice breathing exercises 

Deep breathing can greatly help in controlling the arousal and tension that cause early ejaculation. Men must avoid shallow breathing as it can trigger premature ejaculation. Instead, what you should do is spend 5 seconds taking in a long deep breath; then hold it for 3 seconds and then exhale for the next 5 seconds. If you can do this for 5 minutes in the bedroom without pause then you can control premature ejaculation.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on'consult.

Knowing Premature Ejaculation - PART 3: Management and Techniques (Non-medical methods)

5 mind reasons you might not be getting an orgasm

Sex is not only a physical need, sex is a great way to emotionally bond and get closer to your partner as well. Any dissatisfaction in the bedroom can affect other aspects of your life, and can lead to fights, squabbles and general unhappiness. The inability to orgasm can become a major bone of contention. There can be various reasons behind the inability to climax. Some of the common ones are detailed below:

1. Lack of stimulation

Studies show that only 25% of women reach climax during sexual intercourse. The remaining 75% of women require more stimulation, like fingers or even toys and tongues to reach orgasm. Amongst this is a subset of 10-15% of women who never reach orgasm. Thus, a large number of women require extra stimulation to achieve climax during sex. You must talk to your partner about putting in some extra effort and providing the extra stimulation you need to achieve climax.

2. Over-thinking

Many men and women over-think their actions in bed. From their expressions to how they are reacting and how they are making their partner feel - everything is under constant scrutiny and revision. This leads to a lot of stress, which can hinder your ability to reach orgasm. You need to relax in the bedroom, because whatever you do will feel good in some way or another. Your anxieties can also distract you from what is going on, which means you don't get the chance to fully experience the pleasures of sex. If it helps, speak to your partner about your anxieties and tell them what you are stressing about during sex.

3. Differences between men and women 

Men are visual creatures. This means that what they see turns them on. A woman's orgasm, on the other hand, happens in her head. Thus, men and women have different roots to their stimulation. Lack of an orgasm might mean either of these needs isn't being fulfilled. A great way to work around this and make sex more fun is to include a lot of foreplay in your love-making session. You can do this by trying out role-playing or using sex toys. Make sure to take it slow for a great build-up to your orgasm.

4. Performance issues

Porn has an impact on your sex life. It can increase your expectations to a considerable extent, which may not be fulfilled, thus hampering your experience in the bedroom. A lot of people become so focused on reproducing that experience that they forget that its real life. The focus on performance overwhelms their actual experience of sex, which results in an inability to reach orgasm. Try to accept the fact that you don't really have to perform for your partner. Your partner appreciates you for what you are, despite everything.

5. Mental blocks

A problem in the relationship, certain health conditions like depression, past trauma and negative social conditioning can all have negative impacts on your ability to orgasm. Talk to your partner about past trauma if you have any, and what your triggers are. Consider speaking to a sex therapist as mental health issues should never be neglected. Depression hits the libido hard, and the problem is only compounded by antidepressants. Negative social conditioning can only be helped by therapy, so try to reach out to a mental health professional.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'consult'.
Related Tip: Why You Must Try Kegel Exercises for a Happier Sex Life

5 Mind Reasons You Might Not Be Getting an Orgasm

Viagra doesn t boost your libido, it simply works when the man is sexually aroused, by giving him the power to perform and enjoy a passionate stance. Instead of depending on an external drug, go natural by adopting the following means by not only increasing your libido but also enhancing performance.

4 powerful ways to make your sex life better

1) Natural Nitric Boosters - They are a must have if you want a better sexual health. Nitric oxide is one of the main reasons behind an  erection  and therefore, it can be directly taken in the form of food or as a supplement. It helps in preventing blood pressure, cardiovascular diseases and improves the blood flow. There are certain foods that can boost nitric oxide naturally, such as dark chocolate, walnuts, pomegranate, watermelon, brown rice, beets and garlic.

2) Exercise - It is important to exercise and stay fit if you want a healthier sex life. You shouldn t have to do furious strength training. Instead, simply opt for cardio exercises, do strength training or weight lifting if you like. 

3) The greens - There are several greens that, when combined with the bacteria in your gut can help in transforming nitrites to nitric oxide. This includes cabbage, iceberg lettuce, parsley, spinach, celery and collard greens.

4) Sunlight - Sunlight provides us with Vitamin D and also gives the skin an opportunity to synthesize more nitric oxide. 


4 Recommended Natural Sex Boosters 

In today's time there are various factors, which affects our relation with our partner and among such factors is low libido. Low libido or a decreased sexual activity can affect a relationship in a big way. In some extreme cases, the impact is such that it leads to irreconcilable marital discords. Time and again, an individual, irrespective of their age, sex or occupation can go through periods of low libido. Decreased sexual desire over a longer period of time needs thorough investigation. It could be an indication of something big and serious lying ahead. 
7 critical factors that attribute to low libido: 

1. Hormonal imbalance: women, mostly menopausal and postmenopausal, experience low libido. This is because during menopause, there is a significant drop in the oestrogen level. Reduced oestrogen level can have a huge impact on sexual desires and performance. It can also make the vagina dry, resulting in painful penetration and intercourse. Hormonal imbalance or changes during pregnancy can also result in low libido in females. In males, low libido has been found to be associated with decreased levels of testosterone. 

2. Stress: an individual's mental and emotional state is greatly reflected in their sexual performance. A sound mental health can enhance a performance thousand folds. On the contrary, factors like depression, anxiety and stress, lowers the sexual desires in a person. To enjoy a healthy and normal sexual life, it is important to keep stress and chronically blue moods at bay.

3. Sound sleep to the rescue: the benefits of a sound sleep are beyond imagination. A good 6 - 8 hours of sleep can do your sexual desires or libido a world of good. A sleep deprived soul will be agitated and cranky, both on and off the bed. Continuous sleep deprivation can also lower the testosterone level, resulting in low libido.

4. Medical condition: medical conditions like diabetes, cardiac problems, high blood pressure, or ailments of the coronary artery can rupture an individual's sexual life immensely. Improper functioning of the thyroid glands is another factor contributing to low libido. In such cases, it is best to consult a physician at the earliest. Rest legs syndrome can also contribute to low libido. It is a condition whereby, a male experience an uncontrollable urge to move his legs.

5. Smoking: a killer habit, which affects a person's sexual activity is smoking. Drug abuse and drinking (to some extent) can be equally responsible for a low libido.

6. Change in weight: a sudden change in body weight (gain or loss) can play a significant role in low libido. Take pride in your body structure. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

7. Take a break: boredom can mask your sexual life greatly. Break the monotony, take short breaks, go on vacations and low libido will be a thing of the past.

7 Things That Might Be Causing Your Low Libido

For a healthy relation it is important that we learn to communicate our feelings with our partners. Foreplay not only plays an essential role in sexual arousal prior to the act of sexual intercourse, but it also has a number of health benefits for both men and women, which are both physical and emotional in nature. It also works towards increasing intimacy between couples and often leads to a higher level of sexual satisfaction, again for both sexes. 

Here are some foreplay moves you can use to make your time in the bedroom more satisfactory.

1. Engage in conversation: Communicating with your partner is often a great way to get things started. Talking dirty not only increases intimacy between the couple, but also makes it more fun for both, thus reducing stress level, it often reduces the performance anxiety disorder, especially in men.

2. Take it slow: Taking your time during foreplay, with prolonged periods of kissing and sexual stimulation, can exponentially increase levels of arousal for both sexes, and thus add to the chances of reaching orgasm in the ensuing act of intercourse. Many women have also reported that climaxing during foreplay itself increases the probability of achieving multiple orgasms, due to release of a high number of endorphins, thus inducing feelings of euphoria.

3. Try to provide equal attention to all erogenous zones: Spending time in stimulation of each and every erogenous zone of the body such as the neck, breasts and clitoris (for women), penis and scrotum (for men), etc., can often prove to be very useful in sexually arousing your partner and increasing chances of achieving an orgasm.

4. Erotic massages work great: Deep and sensuous massages, especially of erogenous zones, coupled with small breaks to kiss your partner can lead to high levels of arousal due to the friction between your hands and their skin, which aids the release of several arousal hormones, and works great to maximize pleasure.  

5. Engage in oral sex: Though many may be averse to the idea of engaging in oral sex, it has been found that it has a number of health benefits. It not only acts as a stress buster but also helps regulate blood pressure levels, increases chances of conception, relieves pain, and even reduces chances of prostate cancer in men.

5 Foreplay Moves To Get It All Started

Does watching porn together help you have a better sex life?

It is often said that the couples who do most day-to-day activities together are more committed towards each other. But does the same stand true when it comes to watching sexual content or pornography? Well, research certainly seems to indicate that, with a whopping 96% couples watch pornography together. Here are some pros and cons of viewing porn with your partner.

PROs-

1.  It may help you both in discovering your sexual preferences
It is important for both you and your partner to be on the same page when it comes to discovering your sexuality and figuring out each other’s sexual preferences. Just like adolescent sex education, pornography too educates you about the mechanics of sexual play. It is a useful tool that brings out the kinky side in you and makes you more open to discussions on things that pique your curiosity in the bedroom. As and when you see such visual imagery, it may appeal to you enough to try it out with your partner. Discuss such desires with your partner. This may help you in discovering what really turns you and your partner on.

2. It may help you in maintaining sexual fidelity in your relationship
Watching porn together with your partner can potentially increase the intensity of physical attraction between the two of you.This, as a result, leads to greater gratification for both of you, and if you are sexually satisfied by your partner, you are less likely to look for pleasure outside your relationship. Also, it is way healthier to indulge in it as a team rather than discovering your partner watching porn alone.

3. It may help both of you to pick up newer positions
Porn has the ability to expose you to new and exciting positions you never knew. About 58% of couples who viewed pornography claimed that the shared activity had a positive effect on their sex lives. New moves and unique positions are known to spice up sex lives. Men can surprise their women (or vice versa) with an exotic move or two. Porn may also help in decreasing shyness and in opening up your minds so that you can pick up and practice new moves.

CONs-

Although porn viewing may consist of potential benefits, it may also affect your relationship adversely. When watched in excess, porn may cause certain problems in your relationship, which are-

1. It might set up wrong expectations in reality
Porn movies give you a warped view of what beauty is. It may cause you to have unrealistically higher expectations from your partner, whereas the reality may not match your imaginative hopes and standards. As a result, it may also lead to frustration, aggression and infidelity.

2. It may lead to pornography addiction
 The visual and physical appeal of porn may impact a person’s mental or social well-being. Increased porn viewing may hint at a person’s social isolation, loss of interest in career and other activities etc. It may also make you highly dependent on it, as it allows immediate sexual gratification. As a result the usage may go out of control and relate directly to compulsive behaviour.

3. It may affect your sexual drive and libido
Making love to your partner in real-life may become a foreign concept, as porn can decrease your physical drive with the possibility of making you sexually lazy. Porn may also have certain side effects including probable loss of libido and even difficulty in lasting longer. It may also make regular intercourse seem boring as it may not have the same sensual and visual appeal as pornography.
After realising its various pros and cons if you want to use porn, it is advisable to not use it as replacement but as an accessory for better sexual well-being.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'Consult'.

Does Watching Porn Together Really Help You Have a Better Sex Life?

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