5 mind reasons you might not be getting an orgasm

Sex is not only a physical need, sex is a great way to emotionally bond and get closer to your partner as well. Any dissatisfaction in the bedroom can affect other aspects of your life, and can lead to fights, squabbles and general unhappiness. The inability to orgasm can become a major bone of contention. There can be various reasons behind the inability to climax. Some of the common ones are detailed below:

1. Lack of stimulation

Studies show that only 25% of women reach climax during sexual intercourse. The remaining 75% of women require more stimulation, like fingers or even toys and tongues to reach orgasm. Amongst this is a subset of 10-15% of women who never reach orgasm. Thus, a large number of women require extra stimulation to achieve climax during sex. You must talk to your partner about putting in some extra effort and providing the extra stimulation you need to achieve climax.

2. Over-thinking

Many men and women over-think their actions in bed. From their expressions to how they are reacting and how they are making their partner feel - everything is under constant scrutiny and revision. This leads to a lot of stress, which can hinder your ability to reach orgasm. You need to relax in the bedroom, because whatever you do will feel good in some way or another. Your anxieties can also distract you from what is going on, which means you don't get the chance to fully experience the pleasures of sex. If it helps, speak to your partner about your anxieties and tell them what you are stressing about during sex.

3. Differences between men and women 

Men are visual creatures. This means that what they see turns them on. A woman's orgasm, on the other hand, happens in her head. Thus, men and women have different roots to their stimulation. Lack of an orgasm might mean either of these needs isn't being fulfilled. A great way to work around this and make sex more fun is to include a lot of foreplay in your love-making session. You can do this by trying out role-playing or using sex toys. Make sure to take it slow for a great build-up to your orgasm.

4. Performance issues

Porn has an impact on your sex life. It can increase your expectations to a considerable extent, which may not be fulfilled, thus hampering your experience in the bedroom. A lot of people become so focused on reproducing that experience that they forget that its real life. The focus on performance overwhelms their actual experience of sex, which results in an inability to reach orgasm. Try to accept the fact that you don't really have to perform for your partner. Your partner appreciates you for what you are, despite everything.

5. Mental blocks

A problem in the relationship, certain health conditions like depression, past trauma and negative social conditioning can all have negative impacts on your ability to orgasm. Talk to your partner about past trauma if you have any, and what your triggers are. Consider speaking to a sex therapist as mental health issues should never be neglected. Depression hits the libido hard, and the problem is only compounded by antidepressants. Negative social conditioning can only be helped by therapy, so try to reach out to a mental health professional.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'consult'.
Related Tip: Why You Must Try Kegel Exercises for a Happier Sex Life

5 Mind Reasons You Might Not Be Getting an Orgasm

All you need to know about Premature Ejaculation

Many of the sexual issues are primarily not big problems. However, because of the taboo and inhibition around them, they are not discussed openly, hence they also fail to get resolved and become bigger. In fact most of the times there are no visible symptoms of any functional problems. Many of them are very basic issues and because of ignorance, myths, and social taboos lead to development of anxieties, distress and further worsening of the problem.

Often men are concerned about their performance in bed with their partner. They worry about- how best then can do, masturbation habits, size of penis and sperm quality. 

Consequences of Premature ejaculation (PE): 
Both you and your partner may end up experiencing highly unsatisfactory sex. In fact, it can significantly increase anxiety, which may deteriorate the problem. 

PE is one such sexual issue. It's not a disease; Not at all..!! 
If a person is sexually fit and experiences normal erections but just fail to hold the orgasm/ discharge for reasonable time then he is suffering from premature ejaculation. It's  a very normal problem, which if managed properly it can be easily resolved.

We will discuss this PE in 4 parts covering: what it is in actual, how does it happen, how to approach to resolve this problem with behavioural methods, exercise, techniques and medical remedies present in both modern and alternative medicine. 
Let s understand the problem in this 1st part!

What is Premature Ejaculation? 

Premature (early) ejaculation also referred to as rapid ejaculation; also called as early discharge. 
PE is the most common type of sexual dysfunction in men younger than 40 years and seen across all age groups. In elderly men (>60 years) erectile dysfunction is more common. A study conducted by the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that this condition is almost equally prevalent in sexually active men of all age groups. 
If a man experiences uncontrollable ejaculation (discharge of semen from your penis) either before or shortly after sexual penetration (usually within 1-2 minutes of penetration), he may be suffering from PE. The Mayo clinic at the United States defines PE as a condition in which  a man  always or nearly always ejaculates within one minute of penetration."

Instances of PE:
An occasional instance of premature ejaculation might not be cause of concern, but, if the problem occurs more than 50% of attempted sexual relations signifies existence of abnormal pattern for which treatment is required.

Premature ejaculation takes place with negligible sexual stimulation and even before the desire 
to ejaculate. Another way of describing PE by most therapist or clinicians is the occurrence of ejaculation sooner during sexual intercourse than he or his partner would like. 

This broad definition thus avoids specifying a precise  normal  duration for sexual activity and reaching a climax. The duration of sexual activity is highly variable and depends on various factors specific to each individual. Take a situation, a male may reach orgasm after 7 to 8 minutes of sexual intercourse, but if his partner is able to achieve climax mostly in 5 minutes and both are satisfied with this timing, then this is not defined as PE. 

Alternatively, a male might delay his ejaculation for up to 15- 20 minutes of sexual intercourse, but if his partner, even with foreplay, requires 25-30 minutes of total sexual activity before reaching climax, he may still consider his ejaculation premature because his partner has not been satisfied (at least, not through intercourse). But in routine practice this kind of situation is NOT called as PE. So every individual and every couple is unique. Same individual may have different sexual behaviour with different partners and different circumstances. Varied situations and varied places of performing the act have a vital role to play in determining the outcomes of individual sexual performance/s.



Knowing Premature Ejaculation - PART 1: Understanding What is PE

Contraception is not only restricted to married couples in today's world. Most of the young couples refrain from seeking medical advice for contraception may be because of social concerns or simply because they feel hesitant and shy.

There are many contraceptive pills available over the counter which youngsters are tempted to buy and use as it seems to be the easy way out. Frequent and improper use of such emergency pills can lead to a lot of hormonal disturbances and the menstrual cycle goes topsy turvy. Then the dilemma starts. As it becomes difficult to interpret the cycle dates and erratic bleeding which happens is disturbing.

In my practice I have seen many young girls popping in pills randomly every now and then. Sometimes at weekly intervals as they are unable to manage the stress of their relationship getting disturbed. What youngsters should try and understand is there is nothing wrong in having pills for contraception but it should be done with proper guidance and the selection of the right pill for that particular individual is important which can be done easily by getting into consultation with a doctor. Need not necessarily be a gynecologist always.

Emergency pills are ok for once in a blue moon kind of use. But it should not become a habit.


Misuse Of Emergency Contraceptive Pills

Your good intention during intercourse might be to give your partner an intense orgasm, but orgasms aren t something one can  give . All you can do is make the conditions more favorable for the other person to have them by manipulating your moves. 

Here are six ways in which you can orgasm better: 

Don t skip the foreplay: Just like it is not a good idea to run a marathon without sufficient warm up, it isn t advisable to skip or shorten the foreplay. Explore and find out and choose the right kinds of foreplay that take the arousal to great heights. Oral sex, clitoral stimulation and self-stimulation during sex are incredible in achieving a better climax. 
Experiment with edging: Try what we call 'edging'. That is, bring yourself close to climax, then stop short of reaching climax, and after a pause a few seconds, rebuild your arousal   again just close to climax. Repeat this until you can't hold any more and then come! The resulting orgasm is very intense and worth the effort. 
Try sex toys: Once in a while let a sex toy join the fun. Sex toys are useful in maximizing the pleasure levels during intercourse or solo. 
Use a lubricant: Don t think that a lube just addresses the vaginal dryness and painful intercourse. Research shows that as many as 50% women get better orgasms when they use lubricants. The lubrication adds sensitivity to the genitals and helps get good orgasms. 
Target the C-spot: A lot of women have problems in getting orgasms during intercourse as the clitoris isn t stimulated enough. The clitoris has the maximum number of nerve endings and during intercourse, clitoral contact is needed for most women to reach orgasm. Tip: Try out woman-on top, side-to-side and doggy style positions for clitoral stimulation. There are many more options too. 
Do not overlook the testes: Stroking your sack upwards right before getting an orgasm adds more power to the orgasms in men. The testes are tremendous pleasure points for a man and gently stroking them is useful in heightening the arousal which leads to a stronger orgasm.

6 Ways To Orgasm Better

Why you must try kegel exercises for an amazing sex life!

Kegel exercise, also known as pelvic floor exercise, is the repeated contraction and relaxation of the pelvic floor, which is the muscular base of the abdomen connected to the pelvis. These simple exercises are proven to enhance the functioning of the pelvic organs and improve sexual health. How you ask? read on to find out.

Both men and women can improve their sex life to a great extent by practicing Kegels.

How does it improve sexual function in women?

 tones and strengthens the vaginal muscles that boost arousal

 causes a tighter grip during intercourse

 leads to more intense contractions during orgasm

How does it improve sexual function in men?

 allows for men to have stronger, long-lasting erections

 keeps the hips and pelvic region healthy

 leads to greater control over ejaculation

 prevents the occurrence of erectile dysfunction

How does kegel exercise betters sex life?

To get started on kegel exercises for a better and healthier sex life, follow these simple steps:

1. Locating the right muscles: the most important part of doing kegel exercises is locating the pleasure-maxing muscles in the pelvic region. This can be done by stopping urination midstream or blocking the passage of gas. Once you've successfully managed to identify the target muscles, kegel exercises can be done anywhere at any time.

2. Staying focused: it is important to stay focused on exercising the pelvic floor muscles. Easy breathing while doing the exercise and keeping from flexing other muscles in the abdomen and buttocks are necessary parts of the routine.

3. Sharpening the technique: practice tightening and releasing the pelvic floor muscles till you have perfected the technique, working up to a 10-second hold before releasing and relaxing for 10 seconds between each contraction.

Repeat daily

Get into a regimen doing 10 to 20 kegel exercises three times a day, holding each one for 10 seconds.

Kegel exercises will not only improve your sex life, but also combat disorders of the bladder and lower intestines. Plus, they've been proven to enhance orgasms, turning them into more frequent occurrences than before.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'consult'.
Related Tip: 5 Do's + Don'ts for a Healthy Sex Life

Why You Must Try Kegel Exercises for an AMAZING Sex Life!

6 Symptoms of Low Testosterone

Testosterone is an important hormone for men and is responsible for male sexual and reproductive health. It begins to spike during the years of puberty, helping in development of primary and secondary sexual characters. In boys, it helps to build muscles, deepens his voice, and boosts the size of their penis and testes. It plays an important role during later years as well, by maintaining mood, libido, emotional and physical health. That’s why low testosterone can cause a variety of problems in men. 

Here is a list of symptoms that will help you understand if you may have lower testosterone levels.

1. Drop in Energy: Sometimes, we all feel full of energy, but sometimes those energy levels are quite low. And then, there are occasions when we feel low on energy, you may feel that you are getting tired easily and frequently. Fatigue is one of the common effects of low testosterone. If this happens with you regularly, if you are tired all the time despite sleeping for 6-8 hours, consider getting yourself checked by a consultant.

2. Changes in Sex Life: A sudden drop in your sex drive or facing problems in erection (erectile dysfunction) can be another  common symptom of low testosterone. But you should get yourself tested for other conditions as well, including heart disease or diabetes, especially if you are over 35 years of age. Ask for online consultation if you want everything to be private and discreet.
 
 3. Fuzzy Thinking: Do you sometimes think that your thoughts are a blur? Low testosterone can also impact your memory. It can make you feel stressed, sad and even depressed, resulting in concentration problems. These  can be a result of low testosterone

4. Mood Changes: Testosterone directly impacts your mood, even leading to extreme sadness or psychological depression. If nothing seems to make you happy, if you are not what you used to be, then visit a doctor.

5. Muscle Changes: Muscle mass and strength reduces over the years. As testosterone helps build muscle, low levels may be the cause if you witness sudden drop in muscle mass. In such a case you should consult a doctor. It can be because of low hormone function.

6. More Body Fat: If you have been enjoying a more fit or healthier weight most of your life but suddenly start gaining weight, it might point towards low testosterone in the body. Also, if you are unable to lose weight even on a healthy diet, consider consulting a doctor.



6 Symptoms of Lower Testosterone - Most Important Male Sex Hormone

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