
A new relationship involves a lot of weighing from both the sides. Learn what really matters to win people over in this post. When you want to build a new relationship, whether it is for work, business, personal, marriage, friendship etc there are several factors that help take off and bloom the relationship. These factors are broadly the same in different age groups as far as psychological impact matters. Some of the most important influential factors from a psychological point of view have been highlighted here. 

1. Presentation- When you want to draw someone into relationship with you for any reason, it is important that you present yourself at you best levels be it physical or mental. Like they say that the first impression is the best impression, your display of you strengths creates an impression that helps people decide what they want to do with you. This doesn't mean you should hide all your weaknesses but highlighting your strengths is as important as making your weaknesses clear. Always learn to put your best foot forward as sometimes that itself may not be enough. You can't really send your neighbour for your job interview!! There are many instances when people send different photographs in their applications and different ones appear for the exams. This is mere cheating and not winning.

2. Plan – Let people know what you want to do with them and what they can they can do with you. No one can say they don’t have a plan. There is always some plan. Knowing it strengthens why you want to have that relationship in the first place. Otherwise it's like something which is there but you can never want to do anything with! When you are honest with your plans and they workout as you described it, it creates confidence in relationship or else it is destroyed forever. You can cheat a person with your plans once, not forever.

3. Possibilities- Will this relationship bring me trouble? Obviously nobody wants to get into a relationship with anybody that brings them trouble be it physical or mental. Next question is whether it will benefit me? Small or big depends on person's needs. Some relationships neither bring us trouble nor benefits us, such relationships are better than the ones which can cause harm.

4. Potential – Question. Does this relationship you are trying to develop have any possibilities of growth a few or many years down the line. Obviously we have a lot of friends who wither by passing of time. Does this relationship have an expiry date irrespective of how well or bad it goes? Like when we join college we know for sure that the friends will be with us till the duration of the course and that's it. We will know that if we study together it will help us achieve great grades in college and hence a great life later. These kind of growth possibilities or possibilities of deterioration are important to be well aware of and will naturally decide the course of relationships.

5. Progress – No matter what our initial assessments are, how the relationships helps us fare in the outside world will ultimately decide the future of any relationship. Loss, sorrow, tragedy, degradation in any aspect of life, insults, injury, loss of health etc will never help any relationship continue or last.

6. Partnerships – When we want to build a relationship with someone, the best way to do it is to obviously partner with that person in as many activities as possible. The more interested a person is the more activities that person will involve you in and try to do it with you. This type of partnership activities, be it spending a few hours in the evening, or a few minutes on phone, or an association of months or years are a foolproof way to show you are interested. Conversely a person who doesn't partner with you in anything is extremely unlikely to ever have any sort of relationship with you. Partnership in activities is the only way to show and know that you are interested or the other person is interested respectively. After all chasing the moon, stars and rainbow are activities of people who don’t realize its out of their reach. Sensible people are busy with what their eyes see, hands feel, ears listen, tongue tastes and thinking perceives as appropriate.

7. Positioning attitudes- As a tree bends with the winds to prevent from cracking, we all have to be flexible with our attitudes towards each other. Being too rigid about our protocol on how relationships should run irrespective of the reality and circumstances of the person we are having a relationship with is naturally going to break relationships. After all a doctor who heals and prevents all illnesses is better than a doctor who abuses his patients for falling ill but never does anything for them. Eg: You get bed and good food in a hotel as well as at your home. A hotel will provide food only on payment of money, but family will provide it whenever your hungry. Hence hotels can never expect the same emotions as family can, and this is as natural as it should be. Hence be careful what you want from a relationship. Whether you want to be treated as a hotel or family is entirely how you play yourself with others. After all only families can expect loyalty not hotels.

8. Politeness- In any relationship, many years down the line, what our long term memory retains is how comfortable we were in that relationship. Even if we profit from a particular relationship, the fact that it shook us mentally and emotionally will never allow us to go back or retain that relationship. Life is short and the only thing that matters is to spend it comfortably. Not destroy our peace for some benefit that destroys our peace of mind.

9. Personation- While sending a representative of your organization for a client meeting may work in business, you cant really send a representative to meet you wife or kids at home. In personal relationship, lack of your physical presence obviously means that you don’t have time for them. In any relationship, individuality matters a lot. Just imagine, if all actors acted exactly the same in movies, why would you prefer any particular one over the other as your favourite? The nuances and differences in our personalities are what makes us all unique. We are not robots from a particular brand to behave exactly the same way. If a person in a relationship doesn't sense your individuality you are wasting their time by trying to have a relationship with them, especially a personal one.

10. Positive reinforcement- When we get into a relationship, it is important that we feel good about ourselves and what we are doing. If you feel like a shoplifter entering a shop, you will not feel good about that relationship. When a shopkeeper welcomes us, shows us his products, tells us their details and provides all the explanations on how we will be well off with the product, provides his guarantee for it, confirms its essence, many people buy it even if they don’t compulsively need it. It’s the same in relationships. On the same side if a shopkeeper is arrogant, avoidant, abusive, insulting etc you are very unlikely to buy anything in that shop because you are not sure that the shopkeeper means any good and will be happy with the shopkeeper s product. The experience of buying is as important as the product we buy. Nobody is happy about something they got when they weren't treated the right way or is interested in retaining it when they don’t get good service for it.

11. Persistence on all Ps – Obviously when we want relationships to last, we need to be persistent on all the above P's. Otherwise it wont take long for a relationship to be counted in “once upon a time”!! A simple conversation even if for a few minutes every now and then when you need it may make it seem that you are still there for a person. Without even that people may even find it hard to remember that they even had something to do with you sometime before keeping in mind the the numerous activities we involve daily to maintain our lifestyles.

“KNOWING IS DOING AND NOT KNOWING IS UNDOING EVEN IF DOING!”

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How To Win Over New Relationships

With exam time around the corner, the stress is on both parents and students. Some kids spend very less time with books and assimilate all that is there in the books. Other children may have a hard time trying to focus on studies and even harder time in recollecting what they have studied. 

What can help improve focus, concentration, and memory? Try some of these tips and identify what works for you and build your own rules.

Create a suitable environment: Some claim that they study better with the TV or radio on, this is often not true. Get rid of background noises, phone ringtones, etc. This creates  division of attention,  where there is no 100% focus on books. Sit in a quiet environment without any disturbance for better focus. Red walls are believed to improve concentration, so try a red wallpaper, red computer desktop, etc. Sit in the same place and get into a regular routine of studying.
Draw up a schedule or timetable: Try to finish the tougher subjects or topics first by giving adequate time for these.
Treat yourself: When you have thoroughly understood a topic or cracked a practice exam well, treat yourself to a bar of chocolate or a video song. You begin to do better in anticipation of these treats.
Include breaks: A break of 15 minutes every two hours is very essential for the brain to process the information that was pumped in and to get ready for the next lot.
Work on improving brain power: Learning (memorizing or analyzing) stimulates the brain and improves brain power. So, people who are constantly studying can claim to have better brain power.
Build a concentration clock: With our attention spans spiralling down, this is very important. Force yourself to sit in one place and study. If you have the urge to break, try to delay it, first by two minutes, then five minutes, and then 10 minutes. This will gradually help you overcome the urge to take breaks.
Have healthy food: Eating healthy and nutritious food is another habit to develop, if you want to pep up your brain. Ensure your food has sufficient minerals and vitamins. Try eating fresh food and dairy products adequately.
Follow a systematic sleep routine: If you are not someone who likes to sleep for fixed eight hours, begin doing it. This works wonders for the body and mind like very few other things.
Exercise regularly: This improves blood circulation to the brain and improves brain functioning. So be it cycling or running, gymming or swimming, take an exercise break. Yoga or meditation are equally efficient. 

Improve Your Concentration - Make Your Study Hour Count!

Drug abuse or addiction is not a sign of weakness or a character flaw, but it takes a lot more than willpower to overcome the problem. Abuse of illegal or certain prescribed drugs can trigger alterations in the brain   alterations that may lead to strong cravings and an impulse to use that makes sobriety seem like an unachievable goal. However, there is good news   no matter how hopeless the situation may seem, or how many times you have tried to break free and failed, with support and appropriate approach, the cure is possible. The most difficult choice for many to make when trying to overcome drug abuse is recognizing the problem and deciding on whether to make a change. It is natural to feel unsure about whether you are ready to start recovery. You might be concerned about how you are going to survive without OD ing on certain drugs. Well, Psychological Rehabilitation can help you overcome the crises. 

Rehab Psychology to Break Free from Drug Abuse Committing to sobriety involves altering a few things   

 How you cope with stress 

 Who you allow in your life 

 How you utilize your leisure time 

 How you perceive yourself 

Psychological rehabilitation takes into account the above points and uses the following techniques to overcome drug abuse include   

 Cognitive Behavioural Therapy   a psychologist helps the patient recognize the factors that are triggering for her/his craving for drugs, and manage or avoid those triggers. CBT also helps the person steer away from destructive behaviours and thoughts. 

 Motivational Interviewing   this involves a structured conversation between the psychologist and the patient. Through such conversations and motivational interviewing, the therapy aims to increase the patient s motivation to overpower drug abuse. For example   the therapist will help them identify the difference between how they are living in present and how they want to live in the future. 

 Participation in Activities   Psychological rehabilitation suggests that being immersed in a group activity can keep you distracted. Therefore, participate in an engaging task and see may witness the urge slowly fade away. 

Behavioural treatment in Rehabilitation Psychology can be particularly effective when combined with conventional medical treatment   it imitates the effects of specific drugs in a controlled way or reduces the  high  the person enjoys after doing drugs. Besides, you can always talk to a relative, a friend or a trusted family member to reach out for help and comfort. 

How Rehabilitation Psychology Can Help To Overcome Drug Abuse?

If you are a heavy drinker and consume excess alcohol, you may face severe consequences related to short-term and long-term health. Alcohol has several negative impacts and affects on your heart. Although occasional drinking does not cause much harm, excess drinking may lead to many heart complications. There are chances of the development of cardiovascular diseases in an alcoholic person.
Alcohol affects the heart in several ways. Binge drinkers are more prone to face these complications. A person who drinks alcohol regularly, drinks very fast and drinks much more than the recommended consumption limit during a single session is called a binge drinker.

Here the ways in which alcohol affects your heart:

Alcohol weakens the heart muscles: Heavy drinking for a long span of time tends to weaken the heart muscles. A condition known alcoholic cardiomyopathy may be caused. When the heart gets weakened, proper contraction gets disrupted and the heart is unable to pump sufficient amount of blood. Due to this, a person may experience certain symptoms such as tiredness, irregular heart rhythm, shortness of breath and swelling of the feet and legs. This can also lead to a heart failure.
Alcohol affects your heart beat rate: Binge drinking and regular drinking over a long period of time may affect the rate of the heart beat or how quickly the heart beats. Alcohol may cause the heart to beat too fast, and irregular beating is observed. This is a condition known as arrhythmias, which may have grave consequences on your health. If you are not a regular drinker but drink too much in a day, you could face this condition.
Alcohol can lead to high blood pressure and also cause a stroke: Binge drinking leads to increased blood pressure, also known as hypertension. The blood vessels become stiff, and this causes the pressure to rise in the arteries and veins. Heavy consumption of alcohol may also trigger several stress hormones to be released, which cause a constriction in the blood vessels. This leads to increased blood pressure. Hypertension may lead to a heart attack or stroke.
In order to reduce the negative impacts of alcohol on your heart and overall health, you must practice drinking in moderation. You must not drink more than fourteen units of alcohol in a single week. Consume these fourteen units in three to four parts instead of consuming it all at once. You should give gaps and avoid regular drinking.

Alcohol - How It Affects Your Health?

Smoking   Some Naked Facts!

Smoking kills > 420,000 people per year worldwide.
In India one million people die of smoking related diseases each year.
Tobacco use is the second leading cause of death world-over.
Smoking is more lethal than AIDS, Accidents, Homicides, Suicides, Fire, etc.
2700 substances have been identified in Cigarette smoke, most of them harmful including cyanide, benzene, formaldehyde, methanol, acetylene, ammonia, nitrogen oxide, carbon monoxide, etc.
Every cigarette takes 5.5 minutes of your life.
Smoking one packet a day for 10 years increases risk for Ischemic Heart Diseases by 300 % & risk for lung cancer by 500 %.
Passive smoking (breathing second hand smoke) is also harmful. Spending 2 hours in a smoky bar is equivalent to smoking 4 cigarettes. Living with a pack-a-day smoker is like smoking 3 cigarettes by yourself.

What are the Risks? 

Cancer: 85% of Lung Cancers and 28% of all cancer deaths are attributed to smoking. Smokers have higher rates of leukemia, kidney, stomach, bladder, and pancreas cancers. About 30% of cervical cancers have been attributed to both active and passive smoking.

Lungs: Smokers are generally at higher risk for nearly all major lung diseases like pneumonia, flu, COPD, bronchitis, emphysema, asthma, etc.

Brain: Smokers run almost two and a half times the risk of stroke as non-smokers and the risk for dementia is also higher in smokers.

Male Sexuality and Reproduction: Smoking decreases the amount of blood flowing into the penis, reduces sperm density, reduces sperm motility, and may lead to impotence & infertility

Female infertility, Pregnancy: Smoking increases the risk of female infertility, ectopic pregnancy, miscarriages, stillbirth, prematurity and low-birth weight, so also there is a risk of passing genetic mutations that increase cancer risks to unborn babies.

Children: Mothers exposed to smoke (active or passive) are more likely to have children with motor control problems, perception impairments, and attention disabilities. Exposure to smoke early on affect the lungs of infant as early as the first 2 to 10 weeks of life, it increases the risk for lower respiratory infections (asthma, bronchitis, and pneumonia) by 50% and worsens the condition of children who have existing asthma.
 
Spine & Bones: Smokers whose jobs involve lifting heavy objects are more likely to develop low back pain than non-smokers. They are at increased risk for developing osteoporosis and rheumatoid arthritis. Smokers are more prone to develop degenerative disorders and injuries in the spine, they have more trouble recovering from spinal surgery as smoking also impairs formation of new bone.

Why Quit?


Physical Benefits: They start as early as in few minutes.

Blood pressure and Pulse rate return to Normal in 20 minutes.
Levels of carbon monoxide and oxygen in the blood return to normal in 8 hours and chance of heart attack decreases in 24 hours.
Nerve endings start to regrow; ability to taste and smell increases within 48 hours.
Bronchial tubes relax; lung capacity increases by 72 hours.
In 2 to 12 weeks  time circulation improves and lung functions improve up to 30%.
In 1 to 9 months  time there is a decreased incidence of coughing, sinus infection, fatigue, and shortness of breath; cilia in lungs start re-growing, increasing the ability to handle mucus, clean the lungs, and reduce chance of infection.
Overall energy level increases.

Smoking - Facts, Risks & Why To Quit!

Anger is an emotion found in every human being. There is nothing wrong with being angry. However, if it gets out of hand there might be serious consequences. Knowing a few things about anger management might help the next time you are struggling to manage anger. 

The Wrong Approach
Before knowing, what are the right things to do, it is necessary to know what doesn t work well. This will give a better insight on anger management. 

Often, we think suppressing anger might be the right thing to do. But, it is not. Trying not to react to a situation and keeping it under wraps, might affect your health and can even be the root cause of heart disease. However, suppressing it often lessens the intensity of the anger.
Just like suppressing it is not a good idea, venting it out completely is not the right approach as well. Venting might help you to cool down faster later on, but initially, it might hurt the other person and also have a negative impact on health. Venting anger occasionally will also make the person aggressive in nature.
Thinking or using words like always, never, should/shouldn t, must/mustn t do not usually help. Thinking about  he should never talk to me like that  or  they are always being unfair to me , brings about negativity and doesn t help in calming down.
The Right Approach

Counting to 10, the age old approach to anger management often helps in cooling down and giving a clear perspective. When we are angry, we end up saying and doing things we don t mean to. Counting gives us some time and helps us calm down a bit.
Breathe slowly when you are angry, say experts.  Instead of talking or reacting to the situation, just breathe in and out slowly. When you breathe out more, your body will calm down and make you relax.
Talk to someone who understands you when you are angry. Instead of venting out or suppressing it, talk it out with a friend or a family member. Tell them your feelings and why you are angry. This will help you a lot in relaxing. It works as a counselling session.
To manage anger, in the long run, one should always lead a healthy lifestyle. It means not just having a healthy diet, but also having proper sleep, not being stressed about anything, doing exercise, etc. 
Doing something creative often takes your mind away from angry feelings. Join a dance class, an art workshop, start keeping a journal, it will definitely help in the long run.
Leave the place immediately for few moments and drink water slowly when angry. Don't prolong the anger, come back and start conversation normally.

Anger Management - What Works and What Doesn't

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