Getting through an ugly divorce is quite a difficult thing, no matter what the reason might be. Your world can turn upside down after a divorce and you have to make a fresh new start in life.

Here are some tips you should follow to get through an ugly divorce:

Accept the fact that it is okay to have different feelings: All feelings like sadness, anger, exhaustion, frustration and confusion are quite intense after a divorce. You should accept these reactions and they will surely decrease with time.
You need to give yourself a break: Accept the fact that you are weak and time is required to be back to normal functioning. Your work performance can be affected as well. Taking a break is a must after a divorce.
Do not try to go through the situation alone: You should share your feelings with your friends and family, and you will surely get help. Joining support groups can also be fruitful. Isolation makes your condition worse; so you must go out, interact and share stuff.
You should take proper emotional and physical care of your body: Eat timely, work out and relax. Try to maintain your normal daily routine and do not make major life decisions during this point of life. Abstain from too much alcohol and cigarettes as they are not a solution.
Avoid ugly situations: Avoid talking to your former spouse as discussions may lead to ugly situations and fights, which would enhance your misery.
Take a hobby: Try to do things you love to do from your heart. Join classes, take music lessons, paint pictures and slowly try to enjoy life. Making new friends is also a good idea.
Think positive: Positive thinking is a must and if you engross yourself in positive, constructive activities, you are likely to feel good. You need to be flexible and in case you have children, do your best to provide them an ideal atmosphere for adjusting to the situation.
Time can heal everything: Keep one thing in mind that life will eventually return to normal. Time heals everything and one day you will not be affected anymore.
Talk to your children and help them cope: You need to provide proper care to your kids for coping with the situation. Talk to your children and make them understand that they are not responsible for the divorce by any means. Try to ease their concerns, be compassionate, but maintain a direct approach. Maintain your child's routine exactly how it used to be, so that they feel less amount of sudden change. Do not involve your children in the conflict in any way.
A divorce is extremely difficult to cope with, as one has never faced or felt such a situation before. With proper support and measures, you can get over a divorce much more easily.

9 Ways to Help You Get Through an Ugly Divorce?


7 CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONALLY STRONG PEOPLE

Emotionally strong people are better able to manage the stresses and distresses of daily life, and recover more quickly from challenges and crises when they arise. Is your emotional engine strong enough to take you through the ups and downs of life? Are you riding a bullock cart which can topple over anytime you pass through a broken road or are you driving a four wheel, all terrain vehicle, which will ensure you a safe trip through all the rocky terrains of your life?

A common cultural belief is that people who don’t cry and are unemotional, detached are the emotionally strong ones...and the ones who cry easily and exhibit emotional turmoil are the weaker ones. Well, this is just a myth and not an accurate indicator of one’s mental and emotional strength. A person’s internal coping mechanism will determine how strong he/she is emotionally and deal with challenges and bounce back from them. For eg. Two investors invest in a startup company and watch it fail after 5 years of hard work...one cries copious tears and falls apart, the other controls his emotions but feels defeated. Both were not emotionally strong as they couldn’t sustain the pressure and crumbled. It would have been fine if they felt sad and worried over the loss of time, resources and money and then bounced back with fresh ideas and renewed energy, which would have shown their capability to bounce back from difficult situations.

Unfortunately, too many of us judge ourselves incorrectly in exactly such moments. If we react emotionally or tearfully to emotionally challenging situations we scold ourselves for being weak, even when we have every intention of persisting and moving forward and even when we believe we will eventually succeed. Tears are usually a sign of frustration and disappointment, not defeat. What you believe about your future chances of success and how discouraged you feel in the long term is far more important than how often you cry in response to stresses and bad news.

The following list will help you decide how emotionally strong you are and where you need to work on yourself:

1) Emotionally strong people are less discouraged by setbacks and disappointments: they see each failure as an opportunity to learn and improvise over the last one. They compare themselves with themselves and define their own measures for failure and success. You could do an analysis of your strengths, limitations, opportunities and impediments in order to get over difficult situations. Geet, a student who didn’t get into his desired subject of IT, sat through 5 years of Law and did some extra courses in corporate law and worked towards fulfilling his dream of working in the Corporate. He felt confident, happy and satisfied with his efforts.

2) Emotionally strong people are more adaptable to change: they welcome and embrace changes in themselves and their environment simply because it brings newer opportunities and learning which can catapult them on their way to success. New boss, different stage of life, children going away are changes that will surely happen. Preparing for them in advance, can help people cope better with changes. When Surabhi got married, she took marital counselling to prepare for the differences that will crop up due to changes in the environment, thinking and attitudes of her inlaws family. She is a happy and successful wife and mother today.

3) Emotionally strong people are able to recognize and express their needs: ability to acknowledge and express your needs is being genuine to yourself and an expression of self care. People who are self aware move faster on the ladder of success as they are devoted and passionate towards their goals and needs. Taking care of your health and exercising along with a professional career makes for an emotionally strong person. You can become aware of your needs and values in counselling and experience contentment and power as you take charge of your life.

4) Emotionally strong people focus on getting around a hurdle rather than on the hurdle itself: focussing on the hurdle can be very emotionally draining and demotivating. Emotionally strong people invest their energies in working through a problem and looking for viable solutions, which ensures their victory over stresses and strains. If you have lost money in business, then working on your sales and marketing skills could get you better gains rather than feeling defeated. Counselling can help you look at problems objectively and from different perspectives. Get in touch with your problem solving skills and feel motivated and accomplished again.

5) Emotionally strong people can learn from mistakes and criticism: who hasn’t been subjected to criticism or made some mistakes? It’s human to err. Working towards excellence rather than perfection and looking for the golden piece of advice in the strong criticism helps emotionally strong people win over situations and important relationships. Sarita, an intelligent and smart woman ignored the critical remarks of her mother in law because she knew that there is a lot to learn from her. She knew which battles to fight and which ones to let go of.

6) Emotionally strong people tend to see the larger perspective in a challenging situation: They don’t get weighed down by smaller defeats when they have the larger picture in mind. An emotionally strong employee, Martin, who experienced office politics, kept his cool and focussed on his work.

7) Emotionally strong people are able to recover more quickly from emotional wounds such as failure or rejection: nobody can reject you unless you give them the permission. Seeing each failure as an opportunity to grow and learn helps. Staying with what you can do differently next time and having fall back plans helps to reduce the impact of failure. Thomas Edison didn’t get deterred by the number of times he could make his bulb glow. He kept looking at different permutations and combinations and kept learning from each mistake. Finally, his bulb glowed and now we all can benefit from the fruits of his hard labour.

If you don’t find yourself scoring high on this list, then there is no need to worry because in personal counselling, you can build emotional strength and capacity to bounce back by working on your mindset and learning more adaptable responses to stresses of daily living.

7 characteristics of emotionally strong people

Binge drinking is a problem that has been noticed nowadays in many teenagers and youngsters. Whether it is at an event or a party, drinking high doses of alcohol in one sitting is known as binge drinking. 

Binge Drinking in Women Is Different from Men 

Binge drinking for men is the consumption of more than five alcoholic beverages in one sitting. But the case is different for women. For women binge drinking is defined as a woman consuming more than four alcoholic beverages in a single sitting. Also, it has been found in a survey that almost 75% of the binge drinkers are college students. Among these, the ratio of men is much higher than women. 

What Leads to Binge Drinking? 

Lack of control: One of the most common reasons is, of course, the lack of control. When such a person comes in contact with alcohol, they tend to over drink because they have no control over their drinking. 
The weekend fun: Secondly, another reason is seen in the case of youngsters between the age of 18 years to 35 years. These are youngsters who have a tendency of meeting friends and going out on weekends after the week s toil. They know that after this weekend they will be able to enjoy their favorite bottle only in the next weekend. Hence, they binge drink. 
Results of Binge Drinking 

It becomes difficult to check how much alcohol will affect a person, because it depends on various factors, such as height, weight, age and also at times, alcohol tolerance of the person. But of course, there are some common results of binge drinking. Some of such results are: 

Unintended and unprotected sex leading to pregnancy or even STD in some cases 
Accidents that may lead to severe injuries and even death at times
Physical or mental assault of others that the person may regret later on. 
When Is Help Required? 

When the person has a habit of driving after drinking, neglecting family and doing harm to others as well, help is surely needed. Here, short 4-5 sessions with a therapist may help. A regular drinking habit is no doubt a reason to worry. But binge drinking is another reason that can lead to bigger problems and hence, needs to be examined closely too.

Does Your Friend/Relative Have Binge Drinking Problems?

Depression is a very unfortunate state to be in, in every sense of the word. It is a sickness of the mind and can only be felt by the person experiencing it. As a matter of fact, it is even worse when depression does not occur on its own, but is rather accompanied by another condition such as fatigue.

There are many cases where depression occurs along with chronic fatigue syndrome. The irony is that when a person is depressed, he or she is unlikely to be willing to get out of bed and when this is compounded by chronic fatigue syndrome, even if the depression alleviates, it would not make much of a difference as it would be a case of  mind willing, flesh weak !

Many of the people who are diagnosed with depression have extreme patterns when it comes to sleep. Either he or she would sleep for extended periods of time and feel lethargic to do anything else. Or, the other situation is generally when he or she is more or less an insomniac and does not get sleep even if he or she would really like to grab a bit of shut-eye!

What are the Symptoms?
When a person is going through depression, it can be said to be of the highest importance to be able to judge the symptoms of the condition soon, so that the person can go and seek treatment. The symptoms, which are being talked about include extreme eating habits, that is, either eating way too much or not enough at all, along with a continuous sense of anxiety which, depending on how severe the case of depression is, can cause a person to have his or her mind clouded by the anxiety which over sweeps all other thoughts. In addition to these symptoms, there are other signs which appear with the onset and continuance of depression. These include disinterest in hobbies, which once appeared enjoyable to take part in.

Chronic fatigue syndrome kills off any urge to partake in any activity, which is voluntary in nature. With the combination of these two conditions, it can be quite possible, rather unfortunately, for a person to find himself or herself to be stuck in a vicious cycle. Sleep disorders, such as sleep apnea can really kill a person s zing and as a result of the same, make it harder for him or her to get out of depression and more likely to fall into depression if he or she has not yet. Curing depression includes changes schedules, engaging in yoga and other similar activities. Dietary changes may also be warranted. However, the recovery should take effect soon!

Depression - It Can Cause You to Feel 100 Years Old

How Smoking Impacts Your Organs

As you inhale cigarette smoke, about 7000 carcinogens stir the crevices of your body. In India, about 3,00,000 people die every year due to smoking-related issues.

Here's a list of 5 such organs, which are the most affected by cigarette smoke.

1. Your lungs - Your lungs are probably the first organs to bear the wrath of cigarette smoke. Majority of the lung cancer cases are due to smoking. Other diseases include bronchitis and emphysema. This smoke paralyzes the cilia lining the inner walls so much so that it overproduces mucous. When the mucous builds, respiration suffers. Asthma and cancer follow.

2. Your Skin - Your skin also gets affected up to a huge extent if you smoke. You could have deep circles under your eyes, wrinkles on your skin, and stretch marks, if you continue smoking over time. Also, there lies the risk of major health issues like skin warts, psoriasis, skin cancer, and wounds, which may take longer to heal.

3. Your Penis - Studies revealed that you can take longer for an erection and find it difficult to maintain it if you are a heavy smoker. Studies have also revealed that men who quit smoking had longer and firmer erections.

4. Your Liver - Smoking increases the chances of you suffering from liver cancer dramatically. According to studies, half of the liver cancer cases are due to smoking. Obesity can also take place if you're a heavy smoker.

5. Your Eyes - Smoking affects your eyes to the extent of making you blind. Partial vision loss, glaucoma, cataracts, dry eye syndrome, and diabetic retinopathy are some of the other diseases you are susceptible to if you smoke.

Despite the negative effects, quitting smoking can save you from all of these potential health hazards.

Here are some ways to help you quit smoking.

1. Nicotine Replacement Therapy - There are a few nicotine replacement tools in the form of nicotine nasal sprays and nicotine inhaler, which you can use to quit smoking.

2. Chew on something - You should try to chew on some candy, or a gum, or anything crunchy and satisfying once you start getting restless for a cigarette or any other form of nicotine. That usually helps.

3. Relaxation techniques - If you are resisting tobacco strongly, it can be very stressful indeed. Take a break from whatever you are doing and go out for a walk, practice muscle relaxation, yoga or deep breathing to keep the craving out of the way.

4. Get involved in some physical work - Getting involved in some work will surely go a long way in reducing your craving. You can also try out physical exercises like squats, running, or jogging. Otherwise, you can also indulge in some needlework, or anything, which involves concentration or physical work.



Why Smoking Impacts Your Crucial Organs the Most?

Sometimes you may find yourself stuck in a rut that is frustrating and mind numbing. If you re in such a situation, it could be an indication that you need to reprogram your mind. This will help you set realistic goals for yourself and lead a more fulfilling life. Before getting to how to reprogram your mind, it is important to first understand how the mind works.

Mind vs Brain

In colloquial terms, the words mind and brain may be used interchangeably but, the two are in fact not the same. While the brain is a physical organ, the mind can be described as a virtual entity present within each cell of our body and extended to minimum 2 inches outside body. That is why mind controls body. It is more like a collection of thoughts, emotions, imagination and memories. When compared to a computer, the brain acts as the hardware while the mind is the software within it.

The Three States of Mind 
The mind can be categorized into three states: 

Conscious
Subconscious 
Unconscious
Actions that need you to make an effort and think about what you are doing are said to be performed by the conscious mind. The subconscious mind refers to information that is accessible to you when needed and otherwise not something you pay attention to. For example, when walking down the road to your house, your mind subconsciously creates landmarks. The unconscious mind consists largely of primitive instincts and memories from early childhood that may not be easily recalled.

Unconscious mind also contains memories from past lives. That has been proved by father of modern hypnotherapy, Dr. Brian Weiss. Thus hypnotherapy under supervision is a great tool for reprogramming your mind. Embedding positive cognitive scripts / suggestions through hypnosis helps in reprogramming mind. 

A majority of our daily functions are controlled by the unconscious mind. The memories stored in our unconscious mind are responsible for many decisions that we make based on beliefs. Thus, training the unconscious can help reprogram the mind and make it more productive.

Here are three easy tips to help you make your unconscious more efficient.

Meditation: Meditation not only calms the mind and reduces stress, but can also help train the unconscious mind. Meditation helps increase your ability to concentrate on an activity and achieve the desired level of mental focus. This, in turn, helps develop new ideas and increases your belief in yourself.
Visualize what you want to achieve: Merely telling yourself that you want to do better is not enough. You need to set a goal for yourself and visualize it to begin working towards it. Create a visual board of the type of house you would like to live in, the lifestyle you would like to have, the job you would like to have etc. avoid generalized visions and be specific about what you want.
Hypnotherapy: Hypnotherapy is a safe, brief and effective way to deal with many emotional and anxiety-related issues, such as those listed on the right. It enables you to deal with your own mental challenges and blocks, so that you can build on your strengths and take control of your life. 

Reprogramming the Mind - How it Helps You?

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