For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

Schizophrenia is a very serious psychological disorder which influences how a person feels, thinks, acts and reacts. A patient suffering from schizophrenia may experience issues recognising what is real and what is nonexistent; might be lethargic or unresponsive, and may experience issues communicating ordinary feelings in social situations.

The reason for schizophrenia is still hazy. A few theories and speculations about the reason for this disorder include genes (hereditary qualities), biology of the body (the unevenness in the brain s functioning); or persistent viral infections and immune disorders. Some of the problems faced by schizophrenics are as follows:

Delusions: People may feel that somebody is keeping an eye on him or her, or that they are somebody well known and famous.
Development and movement problems: These include behaving in a strange manner, pacing around, posturing or shaking forward and backwards for no reason.
Thought issue: Jumping from one topic to another in an unreasonable manner is also one of the symptoms or challenges of this condition. People may make up their own particular words or sounds.
Hallucinating: Seeing, smelling, tasting, hearing or feeling something that does not generally exist. The most widely recognised symptom is listening to nonexistent voices that give orders or commands to the patients.
Absence of feelings and emotions: An irregular feeling or expression may be experienced. For instance, crying at a joke when a typical reaction would be to laugh at it.
Despite these, some of the other very common problems faced by schizophrenic patients are as follows:

Social withdrawal from family and friends
Problems affecting in the ordinary exercises of life, for example, at work or school
Poor hygiene and lack of cleanliness
Mental shock
Loss of proper sentence formation
Issues deciding
Overlooking or losing things
Issues understanding ordinary sights, sounds, and sentiments.
Moving rapidly starting with one thought then onto the next.
Pacing and strolling in circles
Unreasonable written work, yet without any meaning.
A person with schizophrenia is twice as likely to end up diabetic or experience the ill effects of the chronic obstructive pneumonia disease (COPD) than the general population. Individuals with schizophrenia regularly commit the normal error of attempting to overlook the sickness thinking that it does not exist.

Schizophrenia has crushed a considerable amount of lives throughout the years. The indications of schizophrenia can be exceptionally scary and unnerving. There are different treatment techniques that one can access to improve the lives of the people who experience the ill effects of schizophrenia. Treatment of schizophrenia has, however essentially enhanced throughout the years, and there is no motivation to trust that it will not keep on doing so. In case that you or someone close to you has schizophrenia, look for treatment in light of the fact that your odds of recovery are good and your odds of change are great.

Schizophrenia - Common Problems Faced By A Person Suffering From It!

You might think, as a parent, that if you behave strictly then your child will become well-behaved. But research and studies have shown that the opposite happens. Strict parenting leads to children who behave worse than others and they suffer from low self-esteem.

Some other reasons why being strict is harmful:

Never learning self-regulation: Responsibility and self-discipline have to be learned by the children themselves. When you put harsh limits on them, they never learn self-regulation. If they think the limits don t sound too harsh, they will learn to accept them. But the limits placed on them should never be controlling. If this happens, children see themselves as being controlled and no one enjoys being controlled.
Instilling fear: If you are being authoritarian (parenting in which there are high demands and low sympathy) instead of empathetic, then your children will become scared of you. You are instilling the power of fear in them. This triggers a vicious chain of events. When you yell, they will yell as well.
Anger and depression: Authoritarian parenting often leads to children believing a part of them is unacceptable. They feel that their parents would not understand. It makes them susceptible to anger management issues and depression.
Blindly obeying those in power: Children raised up in strict households start thinking power is always right. They learn to obey blindly. This makes them vulnerable to peer pressure. They also never learn to take responsibility for their actions.
Rebelling: Children tend to be angrier and become rebellious when they have strict parents. The need to break free and not conform to the non-empathetic limits that forces them to act out. They might even nurture thoughts about leaving home and running away.
Lying: Strict parenting creates excellent liars. Children learn to lie when they are in trouble. They think lies will placate their parents and they can get away with anything.
Damage to parent-child relationship: If you are strict and you don t change your authoritarian ways, then it damages your relationship with your children. Natural empathy is lacking in strict parents. You don t understand your child, and your child doesn t feel like sharing their lives with you. It creates a divide between the parent and child. Children never quite get over this as they grow older.

Being a Strict Parent Can be Harmful for Your Kids - 7 Reasons Prove it

Binge drinking is a problem that has been noticed nowadays in many teenagers and youngsters. Whether it is at an event or a party, drinking high doses of alcohol in one sitting is known as binge drinking. 

Binge Drinking in Women Is Different from Men 

Binge drinking for men is the consumption of more than five alcoholic beverages in one sitting. But the case is different for women. For women binge drinking is defined as a woman consuming more than four alcoholic beverages in a single sitting. Also, it has been found in a survey that almost 75% of the binge drinkers are college students. Among these, the ratio of men is much higher than women. 

What Leads to Binge Drinking? 

Lack of control: One of the most common reasons is, of course, the lack of control. When such a person comes in contact with alcohol, they tend to over drink because they have no control over their drinking. 
The weekend fun: Secondly, another reason is seen in the case of youngsters between the age of 18 years to 35 years. These are youngsters who have a tendency of meeting friends and going out on weekends after the week s toil. They know that after this weekend they will be able to enjoy their favorite bottle only in the next weekend. Hence, they binge drink. 
Results of Binge Drinking 

It becomes difficult to check how much alcohol will affect a person, because it depends on various factors, such as height, weight, age and also at times, alcohol tolerance of the person. But of course, there are some common results of binge drinking. Some of such results are: 

Unintended and unprotected sex leading to pregnancy or even STD in some cases 
Accidents that may lead to severe injuries and even death at times
Physical or mental assault of others that the person may regret later on. 
When Is Help Required? 

When the person has a habit of driving after drinking, neglecting family and doing harm to others as well, help is surely needed. Here, short 4-5 sessions with a therapist may help. A regular drinking habit is no doubt a reason to worry. But binge drinking is another reason that can lead to bigger problems and hence, needs to be examined closely too.

Does Your Friend/Relative Have Binge Drinking Problems?

Anger is good. It protects you. But intense, uncontrolled anger may destroy valuable relationships. Anger is a result of anxiety and fear. When we assume that our expectations will not be met, we become anxious. When we feel unsure about our own capabilities we become anxious. This anxiety creates fear. Anxiety comes from our beliefs. All beliefs can be modified.

Anger has lots of energy. Avoid arguments/confrontations when you are very angry. When you are very angry you are likely to use rough language which may damage your relations and you are likely to behave impulsively. All this you might regret later on. Following are a few techniques which will help you to manage your anger in difficult situations :

Sit down and have a glass of water, slowly. This will help you to calm down a little.
Avoid or go away from that room or situation. Tell the people concerned, that you are angry and would like to discuss it some other time.
Deep breathing exercises help a lot. Close your eyes, take 10 deep breaths, turn your attention towards your body. See what is happening to your body. Tell your body muscles to relax. If your heart is beating fast, if you are breathing fast, continue deep breathing, till it normalises.
Now understand what is making you angry. Understand your own anxiety and fear related to the issue.
Let the other person know how you are  feeling . Start your statements, I feel hurt/insulted/let down/neglected etc. when you do this , instead of saying  You hurt/neglect me . When you express your feeling in this manner, the other person does not feel blamed, which makes the other person more receptive.
Focus on the current issue, don t bring in past situations.
Tell the other person, what you want or expect, instead of telling what you do not want. E.G. Instead of saying  I don t want you to go out now , say  I would like you to stay at home today .
Listen carefully what the other person wants to tell you. Give others a chance to voice their opinions.
Make an eye contact and be firm but polite while communicating your point of view.
Understand everyone s responsibility in the situation. Try to see, what is your share in the problematic situation? Work on that.
Understand what change you want.
Have realistic expectations from others and also from yourself.

Anger Management - 12 Tips To Help You!

Epilepsy is a disorder in the central nervous system characterized by recurrent seizures. An unexpected rush of electrical activity inside the brain leads to a seizure. Brain activity becomes abnormal and leads to periods of unusual behaviour with loss of awareness at times.

Seizures do not always include unusual muscle movements or convulsions. Untreated seizures can seriously affect the lives of children having them. Epilepsy affects both men and women regardless of their ethnic background and age.

Signs of Epilepsy:

A staring spell
Momentary bewilderment
Loss of consciousness
Jerking movements of arms and legs.
Panic or anxiety
Kinds of Seizures:
Seizures are normally classified as focal or generalized depending on the commencement of abnormal brain activity.

Focal (partial) seizures result from abnormal activity in a particular area of the person's brain. Simple partial seizures may change emotions or the way things smell, appear, feel, sound or taste. It is characterized by tingling and dizziness.
Complex partial seizures or focal seizures with impaired awareness entail a modification of or loss of awareness and consciousness. Repetitive movements are performed during such seizures such as hand rubbing, walking in circles or swallowing.
Thorough testing is needed to differentiate epilepsy from other neurological disorders such as narcolepsy, migraine or mental illness.

Generalized seizures normally affect all areas of the brain and consist of:

Tonic seizures lead to muscle stiffness and normally affects muscles in the person's back, legs and arms.
Atonic seizures or drop seizures lead to a loss of muscle control which makes a person abruptly collapse or fall down.
Myoclonic seizures are visible as short jerks or twitches of a person's arms and legs.
Clonic seizures are characterized by repetitive or rhythmic jerking muscle movements.
Tonic-clonic seizures cause sudden loss of consciousness, quivering and body stiffening.
Absence seizures might take place in clusters and lead to momentary loss of awareness.
Symptoms of Epilepsy:
The main symptoms of epilepsy are seizures and it differs from one person to another.

Symptoms of Focal (partial) seizures include:

Dizziness
Change or modification in the sense of smell, taste, hearing, sight or touch.
Twitching and tingling of limbs.
Symptoms of Complex partial seizures include:

Unresponsiveness
Staring blankly
Performing repetitive movements
Loss of awareness or consciousness
Genetics may provide a person with a natural seizure threshold as a person who is susceptible to seizure triggers is said to have inherited a low seizure threshold. A higher threshold conversely makes a person less liable to have seizures.

Epilepsy is a comparatively common neurological disorder that affects innumerable people worldwide and treatments range from medication to surgery.

Epilepsy - Signs and Symptoms You Must Know!

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