Anger is good. It protects you. But intense, uncontrolled anger may destroy valuable relationships. Anger is a result of anxiety and fear. When we assume that our expectations will not be met, we become anxious. When we feel unsure about our own capabilities we become anxious. This anxiety creates fear. Anxiety comes from our beliefs. All beliefs can be modified.
Anger has lots of energy. Avoid arguments/confrontations when you are very angry. When you are very angry you are likely to use rough language which may damage your relations and you are likely to behave impulsively. All this you might regret later on. Following are a few techniques which will help you to manage your anger in difficult situations :
- Sit down and have a glass of water, slowly. This will help you to calm down a little.
- Avoid or go away from that room or situation. Tell the people concerned, that you are angry and would like to discuss it some other time.
- Deep breathing exercises help a lot. Close your eyes, take 10 deep breaths, turn your attention towards your body. See what is happening to your body. Tell your body muscles to relax. If your heart is beating fast, if you are breathing fast, continue deep breathing, till it normalises.
- Now understand what is making you angry. Understand your own anxiety and fear related to the issue.
- Let the other person know how you are “feeling”. Start your statements, “I feel hurt/insulted/let down/neglected etc. when you do this”, instead of saying “You hurt/neglect me”. When you express your feeling in this manner, the other person does not feel blamed, which makes the other person more receptive.
- Focus on the current issue, don’t bring in past situations.
- Tell the other person, what you want or expect, instead of telling what you do not want. E.G. Instead of saying “I don’t want you to go out now”, say “I would like you to stay at home today”.
- Listen carefully what the other person wants to tell you. Give others a chance to voice their opinions.
- Make an eye contact and be firm but polite while communicating your point of view.
- Understand everyone’s responsibility in the situation. Try to see, what is your share in the problematic situation? Work on that.
- Understand what change you want.
- Have realistic expectations from others and also from yourself.
If you wish to discuss about any specific problem, you can consult a psychologist.