For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

Asperger's syndrome has been found to affect people at a tender age. The augmented impacts of this syndrome are felt as you grow up. It is a neurological disorder falling under the scope of autistic spectrum disorders. However, it is a milder form of autism and has similarly unidentifiable causes. A person afflicted with asperger's syndrome will not exhibit stark signs of the disorder. These persons are usually smart and brilliant but face issues in communicating or interacting socially. 

Factors that may result in this disorder: 

A) genetic factors could also afflict you with such a syndrome. Thus, it is important to carry your family history while consulting a doctor.
B) certain changes in a person's brain could create trouble. 
C) your body could be susceptible to external toxins: many times bacteria and viruses from a polluted environment can lead you to such a serious neurological condition.

Ways to diagnose asperger's syndrome: 
1. A doctor would concentrate on your child's speech- language development can hint at many underlying health issues. Your child might fail to process speech around him or her which impairs its own speech.

2. Exchanges in a social setup could be indicative of something- children or adults could find social 
Gatherings challenging. They feel awkward to interact with friends, relatives and colleagues. It takes a lot of effort on their part to exchange basic pleasantries. A doctor will be able to deduce from such symptoms.

3. Facial expressions while conversing could help diagnosis- a person's facial expressions tell a lot about how they formulate or feel about things. Their words, at the same time, could be contrary. Counselors lay stress on frequent sittings to closely note the gestures made by a patient. 

4. Comprehension and coordination capabilities- your child or loved one might find it difficult to handle motor regulated appliances. Comprehending instructions could also be a test. People suffering from asperger's syndrome face problems in understanding simple things. 

5. Responding to change will also be taken into consideration- patients trying to cope with this syndrome are usually not open to change. They take a very long time to adapt to a given way of life; a sudden change will thwart their idea of normalcy.

Causes and Diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome

Bipolar mood disorder, otherwise called manic depressive disorder or manic depression, is a genuine and serious mental problem. It is a disorder that can lead to unsafe conduct, damaged relations and career, and even self-destructive inclinations if it is not treated properly and on time.

Bipolar disorder is portrayed by outrageous changes in the state of mind, from mania to depression. Between these mood swings, a man with bipolar disorder may encounter normal moods as well. Here is how it can affect a relationship:

Bipolar disorder can turn into an issue from the very begin of a relationship. Exploring any sentimental relationship - whether it is dating or marriage - can be a risky attempt. Including bipolar disorder with its crazy ride of feelings in with the general problems in a relationship, and connections can turn out to be all the more difficult.
However, not everybody with bipolar disorder encounters the state of mood swings of depression and mania, but when those scenes do happen, they can destroy a relationship.
During the hyper stage, a person can lose his or her feeling of judgment. That implies spending all their money carelessly, breaking rules, and taking part in dangerous practices like medication and liquor abuse. When you have a partner with the bipolar issue who gets into a hyper stage, it can be extremely harmful to a great degree for the relationship since they might do things that hurt you or may trouble you financially.
Any number of things, from work problems to financial issues, can lead to fights and put a strain on a marriage. However, if one of the partners has a bipolar disorder, simple stressors can trigger their mood swings. That might be the reason why around ninety percent of the relations and marriages with a bipolar partner, fail.
Having a relationship when you live with bipolar disorder is troublesome. Nevertheless, it can surely be dealt with. It takes the efforts of both the partners to make it work.
The initial step is to get diagnosed and treated for your condition. Your specialist can give you hormone balancing drugs, for example, Lithium, with antidepressants to control your symptoms. Treatment with a clinician or psychologist is additionally vital. With treatment, you can figure out how to control the practices that are putting pressure on your relationship.

Here are a couple of different approaches to alleviate a portion of the weight on your relationship:

Take your medicine as recommended
Take a marriage education and counselling class
Manage your stress in different ways whether it is writing in a diary, taking long strolls, or listening to music
Attempt to adjust work with more calming exercises
Adhere to a customary rest cycle
Eat healthy and exercise frequently
Maintain distance from liquor and caffeine

Bipolar Mood disorder - Is It Hampering Your Relationship?


A new relationship involves a lot of weighing from both the sides. Learn what really matters to win people over in this post. When you want to build a new relationship, whether it is for work, business, personal, marriage, friendship etc there are several factors that help take off and bloom the relationship. These factors are broadly the same in different age groups as far as psychological impact matters. Some of the most important influential factors from a psychological point of view have been highlighted here. 

1. Presentation- When you want to draw someone into relationship with you for any reason, it is important that you present yourself at you best levels be it physical or mental. Like they say that the first impression is the best impression, your display of you strengths creates an impression that helps people decide what they want to do with you. This doesn't mean you should hide all your weaknesses but highlighting your strengths is as important as making your weaknesses clear. Always learn to put your best foot forward as sometimes that itself may not be enough. You can't really send your neighbour for your job interview!! There are many instances when people send different photographs in their applications and different ones appear for the exams. This is mere cheating and not winning.

2. Plan – Let people know what you want to do with them and what they can they can do with you. No one can say they don’t have a plan. There is always some plan. Knowing it strengthens why you want to have that relationship in the first place. Otherwise it's like something which is there but you can never want to do anything with! When you are honest with your plans and they workout as you described it, it creates confidence in relationship or else it is destroyed forever. You can cheat a person with your plans once, not forever.

3. Possibilities- Will this relationship bring me trouble? Obviously nobody wants to get into a relationship with anybody that brings them trouble be it physical or mental. Next question is whether it will benefit me? Small or big depends on person's needs. Some relationships neither bring us trouble nor benefits us, such relationships are better than the ones which can cause harm.

4. Potential – Question. Does this relationship you are trying to develop have any possibilities of growth a few or many years down the line. Obviously we have a lot of friends who wither by passing of time. Does this relationship have an expiry date irrespective of how well or bad it goes? Like when we join college we know for sure that the friends will be with us till the duration of the course and that's it. We will know that if we study together it will help us achieve great grades in college and hence a great life later. These kind of growth possibilities or possibilities of deterioration are important to be well aware of and will naturally decide the course of relationships.

5. Progress – No matter what our initial assessments are, how the relationships helps us fare in the outside world will ultimately decide the future of any relationship. Loss, sorrow, tragedy, degradation in any aspect of life, insults, injury, loss of health etc will never help any relationship continue or last.

6. Partnerships – When we want to build a relationship with someone, the best way to do it is to obviously partner with that person in as many activities as possible. The more interested a person is the more activities that person will involve you in and try to do it with you. This type of partnership activities, be it spending a few hours in the evening, or a few minutes on phone, or an association of months or years are a foolproof way to show you are interested. Conversely a person who doesn't partner with you in anything is extremely unlikely to ever have any sort of relationship with you. Partnership in activities is the only way to show and know that you are interested or the other person is interested respectively. After all chasing the moon, stars and rainbow are activities of people who don’t realize its out of their reach. Sensible people are busy with what their eyes see, hands feel, ears listen, tongue tastes and thinking perceives as appropriate.

7. Positioning attitudes- As a tree bends with the winds to prevent from cracking, we all have to be flexible with our attitudes towards each other. Being too rigid about our protocol on how relationships should run irrespective of the reality and circumstances of the person we are having a relationship with is naturally going to break relationships. After all a doctor who heals and prevents all illnesses is better than a doctor who abuses his patients for falling ill but never does anything for them. Eg: You get bed and good food in a hotel as well as at your home. A hotel will provide food only on payment of money, but family will provide it whenever your hungry. Hence hotels can never expect the same emotions as family can, and this is as natural as it should be. Hence be careful what you want from a relationship. Whether you want to be treated as a hotel or family is entirely how you play yourself with others. After all only families can expect loyalty not hotels.

8. Politeness- In any relationship, many years down the line, what our long term memory retains is how comfortable we were in that relationship. Even if we profit from a particular relationship, the fact that it shook us mentally and emotionally will never allow us to go back or retain that relationship. Life is short and the only thing that matters is to spend it comfortably. Not destroy our peace for some benefit that destroys our peace of mind.

9. Personation- While sending a representative of your organization for a client meeting may work in business, you cant really send a representative to meet you wife or kids at home. In personal relationship, lack of your physical presence obviously means that you don’t have time for them. In any relationship, individuality matters a lot. Just imagine, if all actors acted exactly the same in movies, why would you prefer any particular one over the other as your favourite? The nuances and differences in our personalities are what makes us all unique. We are not robots from a particular brand to behave exactly the same way. If a person in a relationship doesn't sense your individuality you are wasting their time by trying to have a relationship with them, especially a personal one.

10. Positive reinforcement- When we get into a relationship, it is important that we feel good about ourselves and what we are doing. If you feel like a shoplifter entering a shop, you will not feel good about that relationship. When a shopkeeper welcomes us, shows us his products, tells us their details and provides all the explanations on how we will be well off with the product, provides his guarantee for it, confirms its essence, many people buy it even if they don’t compulsively need it. It’s the same in relationships. On the same side if a shopkeeper is arrogant, avoidant, abusive, insulting etc you are very unlikely to buy anything in that shop because you are not sure that the shopkeeper means any good and will be happy with the shopkeeper s product. The experience of buying is as important as the product we buy. Nobody is happy about something they got when they weren't treated the right way or is interested in retaining it when they don’t get good service for it.

11. Persistence on all Ps – Obviously when we want relationships to last, we need to be persistent on all the above P's. Otherwise it wont take long for a relationship to be counted in “once upon a time”!! A simple conversation even if for a few minutes every now and then when you need it may make it seem that you are still there for a person. Without even that people may even find it hard to remember that they even had something to do with you sometime before keeping in mind the the numerous activities we involve daily to maintain our lifestyles.

“KNOWING IS DOING AND NOT KNOWING IS UNDOING EVEN IF DOING!”

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How To Win Over New Relationships

Body pain and Physiotherapy

Physiotherapy is an effective way to reduce various kinds of body pains. Physiotherapy includes massages, exercises, and heat treatments to relieve pain. This treatment is often recommended as the first option to treat back and neck pain. Physiotherapy is also used to rehabilitate patients after surgery. Different kinds of exercises included in this treatment are also useful to treat sports injuries.  Here are some steps that you can take to relieve your body pain incorporating physiotherapy.

Get appropriate help

It is important to properly diagnose your condition before going for physical therapy. Seek help from a professional and if he/she recommends physiotherapy then only opt for the treatment.

Reduce your severe pain before exercising

If you are in immense pain, work to alleviate the pain before engaging in exercises. Cold/ hot therapy, massage, manual manipulation are some of the methods that can slowly reduce the pain. These are all part of physical therapy.

Exercise

Exercising has numerous health benefits including relieving back pain. As you age, your back tends to get weaker; it is important to workout to prevent future backaches. Stretching, strengthening and low- impact aerobics are ideal for this issue.

You can also try water therapy as water has a therapeutic effect on pain and makes your movements much easier than on land.

Observe your body's reaction to physical therapy

When you have just had a back or neck pain episode and try physical therapy you will feel some initial discomfort, it is expected. After you acclimatize yourself with the routine all kinds of pain will gradually diminish. The initial pain due to physiotherapy is caused because your muscles are stiff and they are being stretched the way they are not used to. However if the pain gradually increases you are probably not right for that particular kind of physical therapy.



Body pain and Physiotherapy

Post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD is regarded as an extremely distressing condition arising after experiencing a traumatic event. It affects about 3 percent of the population around the globe and the symptoms affecting the individuals are more or less similar.

Many people affected by this psychological disorder are also vulnerable to developing various mental illnesses such as drug and alcohol abuse, phobias, and sleep and eating disorders. Since the patients often have a tendency to develop nutritional habits, nutritional therapy for PTSD can have proven to be very helpful in relieving the symptoms.

  Having the right diet
It has been pointed out by the experts that dietary changes are crucial for managing the symptoms of PTSD since the anti-inflammatory diet, such as a Mediterranean diet inhibits the intake of processed and refined foods. Patients are encouraged to take good amounts of legumes, vegetables, olive oil, unrefined cereals, and lean meat along with a moderate amount of dairy products. It is suggested that they should have locally produced food and organic food so that it can reduce a person s exposure to agricultural as well as environmental toxins.

During the 1940s, research has been carried out to find out about the effectiveness of the Mediterranean diet for reducing the effects of PTSD. It is shown to improve the quality of life of an affected individual. It is worthwhile to mention here that the modernization of the food industry has exposed it to various types of processing and refining techniques which incorporate toxins and snatch away the inherent goodness of different foods. Thus, it has become difficult for a person to have an anti-inflammatory diet in the true sense of the term. However, a nutritionist can guide a patient in adopting the fundamental principles of the Mediterranean diet along with a more active lifestyle to reduce inflammation and symptoms of PTSD.

  Importance of specific anti-inflammatory nutrients
Individuals suffering from PTSD are prone to have chemical imbalances and therefore, it is important to point out that the areas where immediate additional or intensive support is needed. Most nutritionists focus on the significance of Omega 3 and curcumin for relieving the symptoms of PTSD.

Omega 3 fatty acids not only exhibit anti-depressant and anti-inflammatory effects but also play a critical role in monitoring neurogenesis. On the other hand, curcumin, which is a polyphenol available in turmeric root is regarded as an effective compound for PTSD owing to its antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, monoaminergic and neuroprotective effects which are all directly related to the disease.

To conclude, it can be said that post-traumatic stress disorder is a complicated psychological disorder which involves potential biochemical and physiological dysfunctions in numerous types of mechanistic pathways. In many cases, individuals seek dietary interventions without any formal treatment and find it helpful in offering desired results. However, it is best to consult a specialist before things go out of hand.

Here Is What You Must Know About Nutritional Therapy For PTSD!

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