Hi. Recently I realized that I lost my seriousness. When im alone im to excited or happy always smiling and talking with myself and sometimes laughing loudly sometimes started to dance. But when my family members asked me abt my study I feel so guilty. When they wnt to tlk wd me im just bcm angry and leave them. When I meet my friends whose doing well in their life I feel to do suicide as im the topper who lost his 1 year doing coaching or not study well for entrance. When I see younger std doing good I feel so jealous and feeling I should die or I the culprit who destroy me as im the best player and topper and many more of my school and college and which destroyed. I feel these recently bcs not that now im serious. Even im smelling no feelings for anything. I ealized all ds bcs my entrance exm coming I knw I will fail so how to save me frm ma. Bt doctor I really wnt 2 recvr. Im feeling like mental as im writing such an important thing abt mylife with a smile and unconditional happens.