Remember those times when you just got engaged or were dating or even early months after marriage. How curious, open and enthusiastic you were about knowing every little detail about your partner. You would keep a tab on likes and dislikes, favorite restaurant and favorite food. You would absorb everything he or she would share like a sponge and hungry for more. Those were fun and exciting times. You seemed to be in a flow, it was effortless.
What happened to your dream of happily ever after. And, even important question is what have you been doing to achieve your dream of happily ever after. You might be thinking we are staying together, have known each other in a more realistic way, the 'honeymoon effect' and the initial romance has to fade away. That is the way of life. We are perhaps now closer to reality then we were in those months.
We need to compromise and adjust, isn't that the demand of each marriage. What if I ask you to think and compare your happily ever after with your dream career. Would you be able to achieve the same with this low energy approach of adjusting and compromising. No, rather you need to pursue it with lot of passion. You need to think about different strategies and grow continuously.
You would do anything and everything to make it happen. What will happen if your relationship is as important as your life's work. It is this shift and this desire that makes any relationship successful and make love last forever.
What is the secret?
The secret is to show up every day for your relationship to make it thrive. As you wake up each day commit to each other. Instead of taking each other and your relationship granted, give it your attention, time and efforts it deserves. Respect, accept and acknowledge your partner in little ways. Show love and support. It.s not just a surprise birthday party or grand annual vacation that takes you towards successful marriage; it is those little things each day that you do to show that you care! Each marriage is unique. Each marriage has its own struggles, challenges, successes etc. In my practice I help clients understand that it isn't healthy to compare their relationship with other relationships for a lot of reasons including you don't really know what goes on behind closed doors. What works for one marriage, may not work for another.
Focus on your marriage and identify your unique strengths and challenges. Then get busy creating a stronger foundation. These are the few tips that will help you get started:
Good news is that if willing, you can learn how to utilize your unique strengths as a couple to increase connection, love and intimacy in your marriage. In a 'Marriage Enrichment Program', you can also learn about utilizing conflict as a stepping stone to know each other at deeper level and feel understood and loved.