My age is 18. I belongs to a family consisting father mother and sister. I am always a good student and with few extra curricular activities like writing literature. Dancing singing listening music etc. But my family environment has become worse and worse. It started deteriorating from when I was 11. My father is very male dominating. Bad behaviour, shouting, using slangs in short temper and beating my sister, me and my mother. He insults us every minute. He continued his extra marital affair from 5 years. My hatred towards him is increasing day by day. My mother is silent from past years for any unknown reason (she says she does not want to get insulted more by neighbours). I cannot study I cannot concentrate my mind though my higher secondary exam is near. I just want to kill him. I am not a girl to bear this immorality any more. I am becoming a mentally retarded person. I am always a good student and don't want to lose my future in this way. please suggest me something.

Dr. Dolly AnadkatPsychologist10yrs exp

92% (489 ratings)

Ask Free Question

Dear friend, you are in a very difficult situation and I feel your anger and frustration. It is understandable that in such a stressful situation how difficult it must be for you to focus on your studies. I am remembering what victor franklin discovered when he was in a nazi camp and inhuman experiments were done on him each day. During those moments he realized that no matter what is being done to him he has a freedom to choose his response. He remained strong despite of all adversity and also helped his fellow men to stay strong as well. I see you in the similar position. You are young and can't leave your family right now. No matter how hard it is you need to focus on your studies and excel so that you finish your school with good grades. After that enter into a good professional school and have a good career. Right now you need to be totally self centered and take good care of yourself. Until you become independent you need to keep focusing on you and your well being. Once you are financially independent then you will be able to help your mother and sister both so hat they can also have a good life. So please keep this long term goal in front of you, and plan and work towards your goal each day. As you are in a lot of stress I will recommend few things below for you to learn to manage your stress. Try following things to learn relaxation response which leads to better coping mechanism on a daily basis. To begin with doing guided progressive muscular relaxation before sleeping will help you relax. You could google and download an audio file. I would also suggest you to take a multiple small break to take 3 nice and deep breath while keeping your eyes closed. You could do this while sitting or standing or while even walking or climbing stairs (keep your eyes open in that case). When you take a nice and deep break there is actual physiological change in your body. This will help you to activate parasympathetic nervous system which promotes relaxation and helps you calm down and think more clearly. This will also actually improve your performance in your exams. Along with this physical exercise is one of the best way to relieve stress and stay fit. Engage in any kind of physical activity at least 4 times a week. This also helps in stress reduction. Along with this some relaxation exercises as well as engaging in joyful activities such as music, singing, dancing, reading, being in nature, gardening, talking with friends or anything which you enjoy will help reducing stress and rejuvenation of your mind and body. Have good routine for sleep and eating. Add salad in both lunch and dinner if you can that will also help. If you want to talk or need any further help please feel free to contact me. I will be happy to support you in what ever way I could. Hope this helps. Wishing you very best, please do take a good care of yourself. 

2 person found this helpful