Dt. Varsha

We look around at our friends' marriage and often conclude that their marriage is better than ours. No wonder we turn to self-pity mode for not being to lucky to have a happier and exciting relationship. Who knew the love shall fade away! Where is the harmony and intimacy we always dreamt of ??

Why does romance not last? When we need someone to love and more importantly to be loved. All success, a seven digit salary, and big cars, nothing. nothing lets us feel content unless we have someone to share it with. Probably you have been married for years and have lost the romantic spark you had. And you look back and start analysing, where, what, when and how things went wrong?

And blame game starts; you curse circumstances and try to justify your actions

Ritikaa and Mehul fell in love at first sight. Despite family resistance they married. After a few months, they were arguing for small things and wondering why did they have married. Dr Radhakrishnan is a scientist married to a pathologist; he is looking from separation from his wife after 26 years, though he is not seeing anyone else.

Suchitra and Prakash married ten years ago, they divorced after two years of their marriage. They don't have kids. There were no obligations but they reunited four years back and divorced again, but still the relationship is not broken.

Do happy couples exist??? Heartbroken Alok who is just 32 yrs old, asked me with teary eyes - I earn 4 crores a year, but I feel lonely, unloved and dejected!

Every day I listen to stories of heartache! And my belief in the power of love and affection is growing many folds.

Marriage is more than being a room partner! Not only marriage but any relationship is like a plant, we need to nurture it to blossom. Every marriage faces its own challenges at different time and for different reasons. We need to consciously work on it but with ease.

No marriage is boring or perfect! It's about how do we respond to our marriage.

Every couple has to face common issues related with adjusting with new families, career balance, baby plans (in some cases), spending, eating, hygiene (bathroom etiquettes) habits of spouse, interest and hobbies, gender specific responsibilities and of course money matters.

Let it be anything . .Assertiveness is key to success.

Watch your own actions:

• Are you imposing thoughts and actions on your spouse: you have imagined a world, and are trying to move things as per our own wish?

• Are you expecting without explaining to her/ him: you might be soul-mates, but don't forget that no two people can be the same. Explain your expectations but don't put conditions to get it accomplished. Allow your spouse to take her or his call.

• Are you respecting differences in opinion- disagreement is not disrespect for your views and opinions. It's about perspectives (based on pre conceived notions)

• Are you reading your spouse's mind and assuming? Stop assuming, ask but be assertive, use appropriate words, tone and pitch.

• Are you giving some room for mistakes?  Give people some space to make mistakes, forgive them and self too. Communicate if something bothers you a lot.

• Are you judging by actions not understanding intentions? Relax! Before you make opinions and decide you can't take it anymore. Sometimes your spouse is completely clueless and unaware about your mind.

• Are you trying to bridge the gap between your spouse and your parents? Relationships are very one-to-one. Never try to bridge the gap between them, you shall end up being a sandwich and will spoil your relations too. Let them grow their own relationship.

• Communicate clearly and explain your expectations about money matters - involve your spouse in your financial planning, it's a way to generate trust between you and spouse and it helps to work on budgets and spending habits.

• Express clearly about sexual needs and desire. Physical intimacy plays a very important role in marriage. Seek professional help to sort things out before you think you are incompatible.

• Make a choice not a sacrifice (otherwise you shall expect your spouse to repay it in the way you want).