Things you shouldn't say to a Depressed person!
Now, we all know that depression is a very common illness and its very likely that you have come across someone who has suffered from depression, maybe a friend, a family member and an acquaintance. I am going to tell you three things that you should never tell a person who has depression. The first and foremost, never ask them why are they depressed. We often feel that a person has depression due to certain problems in their life, like a bad relationship or some problem at work or some issues with someone, financial issues. Now, these problems can be a factor in depression but they are not the cause. Depression is a very biological disease. it happens due to some neurochemical disturbances in the brain. In the same kind of stressful environment, not everyone is going to get depressed.
When we ask this question, “Why are you depressed?” we are implying that you should not be depressed. Sometimes, it may be misinterpreted as I am too weak and therefore I am depressed. I am not able to handle my situation, therefore, I am depressed. This may make the person more miserable, so refrain from asking this question. Instead, what you can ask or rather what you can do is to educate yourself about depression from authentic sources. Consult the doctor and ask the psychiatrist that what are the causes and what you can do about it and help the patient understand these causes because they might be blaming themselves for the condition that they have. This is how you can be helpful.
The second thing that you should completely avoid while interacting with a person suffering from depression is telling them what to do. Often, I hear family members tell the patient that go for a walk, start exercising a little bit, take a vacation, or go engage in some activity, do work, eat this, don’t eat that. Now, of course the intention is very good, you are trying to help out this person and a lot of times these things do help us make feel better. So these activities do make us feel better and this may release the symptoms of depression a little bit but this is not the cure. The second problem is that, a person who has depression has very low motivation and energy to do anything, even routine things.
For them, getting out of the bed, brushing their teeth, getting a bath, getting ready for work, going to work itself is a big task, and top of that if we add morning walks, it becomes a further burden on them. When they are not able to accomplish that, they feel even worse about themselves. So, refrain from doing that. Instead, what you can do is ask them how can you help them and ask them, “What can I do for you?” instead of telling them what you think they should do. This definitely would be very helpful. The third thing that you should be very careful about is never tell them, “Just forget about it” or “get over it” because depression is not like a switch on our brains which can be turned on and off and we can decide to depressed today and tomorrow I will not be depressed. Just like a person who has physical illness is advised to take treatment, to take some rest, and then get better. This is exactly what you say to a person who has depression or for that matter any kind of illness, to take treatment, to take rest, and get better. Do not ask them to just forget about it.
I hope these tips are useful to you. You can contact me through lybrate.com.read more
Symptoms of Postpartum depression and ways to deal with it!
Hi, my name is Dr. Armaan Pandey and this talk that I'm going to have maybe very beneficial if you are a to be parent or you are a new parent. So I'm going to tell you about three aspects of postpartum mental health. Postpartum refers to post delivery, as a lot of you might know. The first thing I want to talk about is a very serious medical condition which is called as postpartum depression. So right before or after the birth of a baby a mother's body suffered through a massive hormonal changes and often these hormonal changes can result in depression. Like we see in depression too the symptoms are very very similar like loss of interest in everything, feeling sad all the time, doesn't want to take care of the babies also at time, doesn't feel like worth living, disturbance in sleep, disturbance in appetite, crying spells, suicidal thoughts and sometimes even thoughts of hurting the baby. So yes your hormones can do this to your brain. Solution is quite simple. A short course of anti-depressant therapy is very very helpful, very efficient in taking away these symptoms. The symptoms go away very quickly and it is quite safe as well.
Another aspect that one must be aware of when it comes to postpartum depression is a milder form called as postpartum blues. Here the woman experiences mood swings, often crying jags, easy irritibality, but these are very short lasting. So most of the days the woman is fine, the mother is fine but sometimes she may display these things and usually postpartum blues gets better on their own, you don't have to do much about it. But it is advisable that you go to a doctor, get yourself checked out and if it is depression then get treatment and get better. The second aspect of mental health, when it comes to mothers, usually when new mothers are concerned is that you have to be aware of something called as mother's guilt.
Now this has got more to do with how the society treats new mother's than what biology does to you. When you deliver your first baby, or even second child for that matter, you are loaded with a barage of instructions, you are supposed to do this, you are not supposed to do that. And these instructions comes from every corner of the world. Your spouse tells you something, parents tell you something else and your in-laws tell you something else, your doctors are also advising you, your neighbours, your relatives and even your maid servants at times. What do you do in that case, and sometimes the advises are contradictory. So, the mother has the burden of making small, tiny decisions for the baby. And every tiny decision she makes she feels guilty that maybe what I'm doing for my child is not right. You need to be aware of this, there is nothing like a perfect mother or a perfect parent. All you have to do is be a good enough parent, a good enough mother. You cannot make sure that your baby is 24x7 happy or comfortable. Your baby is going to cry when she is not comfortable, when she is hungry, when she has some pain and this is going to continue till she can vocalise or verbalise her feelings better. So, do not feel absolutely guilty if you are not able to soothe your baby immediately or if someone tells you otherwise. You have to make a decision, sometimes you have to be assertive with other individuals. Don't be aggressive, don't break into a fight but do not take everything passively too.
The third aspect that is important when it comes to mental health, especially for new parents is that you lose focus of your relationship at times. Because the baby is the centre of the family now, you start ignoring your relationship with your spouse, probably you are more engaged in taking care of the baby for the first two years, which is required, it is inevitable. But during this time a lot of couples experience distancing and people who have problems later on in their marital life often report that this was the turning point. So one has to be mindful. What I can advice you is like you treat your relationship with your partner as your first child, because your relatonship is something you both have created together. It requires constant nurturing, it requires constant attention from you. So if you have another child after your first child you are not going to ignore this first child because you are having another baby.
Of course you can't pay as much attention but you can't neglect it. So for your partner also take out some quality time, do certain small things for them that makes you happy and whenever you can find time do spend quality time together bonding with each other. Remember this fact that you are becoming parents because you are together so you have to take care of this relationship as well. If you are aware of these few aspects of mental health and a lot of other things as well pertaining to parenting I'm sure you are going to enjoy parenthood rather than be stressed about it.
For any further advices or consultation you can book an appointment through Lybrate.com .read more
How to maintain a Healthy Relationship?
Hi, my name is Dr. Armaan Pandey. I’m a consultant psychiatrist and today I’m going to tell you something that maybe very helpful to your relationship. Now, we all know that we have one of our very basic emotional needs is to feel loved. When we are children this need is usually fulfilled by our parents and as we grow older various people make us feel loved and especially when we get into a relationship it is either our spouse or partner who fulfills this basic emotional need.
Often I get couples who have some marital issues and when I speak with them individually I feel that both the partners love each other but either of the partners don’t feel that the other one loves them. According to Dr. Gary Chapman who is a marriage counselor and who has authored several books on marriage. He introduces a concept called as ‘A love tank’. We all have a love tank which needs to be filled by our partners.
Now the problem is that this love tank gets filled by a particular way, which he calls as a love language. He elaborates that we basically have five different love languages. The first language is that of assertion; that is verbally expressing your love for your spouse. For example saying things like “I love you”, “I miss you” or “I like a certain thing about you” or simply texting them and saying that “I’ve been thinking about you” with a smile. This may make your partner feel loved.
The second way that we express love or we understand love is through physical intimacy. So, acts like kissing, hugging, holding hands or sex may make a person feel loved and wanted by their partner. The third type of love language is by giving gifts. So, when you surprise your partner with something like a bunch of flowers or a gift which may not be very expensive or expensive in certain cases your partner may feel that you think about making them happy and this makes them feel loved. The fourth love language that Dr. Gary Chapman elaborates is called as quality time. Spending quality time with your partner as in going for a movie together, doing some activity together like cooking in the house together or learning a new hobby together. So, this may make people feel like they love and care for each other and this brings people closer.
The fifth and final type of love language is acts of service; that means doing something for your partner. For example, holding the door open for them, bringing them a glass of water or doing some chore with them. That may make your partner feel loved and cared for by you. Often this happens in couples that we speak or understand two different love languages. So a woman does not feel loved by her husband when he says nice things to her but she feels extremely loved and cared for when he gives her expensive gifts. But the husband, on the other hand, may feel that she needs to understand that he loves her when he says nice things about her. So, these two individuals speak and understand two different love languages.
Now, how can this concept be useful to you? I’ll give you a little exercise that you can do with your partner which will make use of this concept and probably help you in your relationship no matter at what stage your relationship is. The first step is to make a list of the love languages your partner listens to or understands. You should take the help of your partner to make this list. Usually, there would be two or three items on this list. Now the second step involves writing down eight ways in which you can speak these love languages. So, the exercise to help you speak your partners love language. Not to make them understand your love language because it is easy to learn a new language yourself than to teach another language to someone else.
So, after you’ve made these eight items on the list, comes the third part which is the most interesting. You practice one of these items every week. So, for eight consecutive weeks, you will be speaking your partners love language in one way or the other. After eight weeks I’m sure your partner is going to feel way more loved by you than before. And even if you’re not doing this together, at the end of eight weeks if your partner feels loved and happy they are sure to return the favor.
I hope that this is very, very helpful to your relationship. For any kind of marital advice or for consultation, you can contact me through lybrate.com
The Art of Procrastination
Hi, I’m Dr. Neha, and today we are going to talk about the art of procrastination.
How often do we think to ourselves, you know, I’ll just do this tomorrow? I’ll wash the dishes later, I don’t feel like going to the gym, honey! I’m not going to do this right now. How many of us are believers in the same? Why do today what you can put off till tomorrow? And then when the deadline is near we groan and mourn and think how unfair it is that we have to do this, and we feel anxious and we feel sad, and end up doing a half-hearted job, and then we wonder why we never get the results we expected. This is procrastination – the act of postponing, avoiding or delaying something that needs to be done.
Maybe you are thinking it’s too hard, I’ll never get this done, it’s not going to be perfect so why bother? I don’t like doing this. I’m going to fail if I do it. Or maybe you’re a thrill seeker, and you think you work best under a deadline-induced panic. Any of these thoughts ring a bell? And how do they make you feel? Happy? Excited? I think it’s more like sad and anxious. And I’m sure they don’t actually motivate you to get these tasks done. So what do you do?
So here is an action plan. Write down one thing that you’re currently procrastinating. Write it down right now, while you’re watching the video. I think it will help. Write down the reasons why you cannot complete the task today. Written? Okay, so for example, I can’t go to the gym today because the time I usually go at has already passed, and it will be too crowded. Look at the reason. Is it a excuse, or is it a valid reason? You can of course go to the gym, of course it will be crowded and uncomfortable, but you can do it. So if it is an excuse, write down the excuse next to it. How many excuses do you have on that list? So what do you want to do now? I think you’ll find that if you actually do something, it’s not so bad at all. Practice this trick the next time you find yourself procrastinating, and with time, you will learn to get things done. And that’s the real art.
If you’d like to take an appointment with me, just visit Lybrate.com. Thank you.read more
Know more about myths and facts related to Suicidal Thoughts
Hi! I am Dr. Neha Shah, I am a consultant psychiatrist in Mumbai. 10th September was World Suicide prevention day and what better way to honor this day than to talk a little bit about the myths surrounding suicide.
The suicide rate in India is 21.1 per lakh population, that’s one of the highest in the world. But most of the time we are immune to it and it doesn’t affect us until we lose someone close to us and that’s when there is a ripple of tragedy that affects not only the person himself but also the people surrounding, his family, his friends and everyone who knows him.
So what are some of the suicide myths?
The first one, is people who talk about 'wanting to die' are just asking for attention and are not really going to kill themselves. But the fact is most of the people who attempt or commit suicide usually talk about it first. They are in pain and usually do seek help. So always take any talk about suicide seriously.
The second myth, people who attempt or commit suicide are weak, but the fact is that anyone can commit suicide. These are people who are in pain, who have lost hope and do not see any other way. Often they suffer from depression or other mental illnesses so they need the right help.
The 3rd myth is that suicide occurs without any warning sign and one cant tell when someone will attempt suicide but that’s not true, there are always warning signs. People who are suicidal often talk about wanting to die, they may express their plan to someone. They use languages like it will be better if I die nobody is going to miss me, life is not worth living, you'll be sorry when I am gone, I don’t have to go through these much longer. So beware of these little expressions that they may use. They may start giving their possessions away. They may start calling on people saying good bye. They may buy weapon. They may write a suicide note. So be alert to these signs.
The most common myth is one should never talk or ask anyone about suicide because this gives them idea and encourages suicidal behavior. This is absolutely not true. If you think a person is suicidal please ask them about it and ask them if they have a plan. Most of the time talking about it simply dissipates the suicidal urge. Remember asking them will let you know their intentions and getting them the help they need. So these are some of the myths that surrounds suicide. In keeping with the theme of world suicide day lets connect, communicate and care and spread a positive ripple of awareness.
Thank you. If you would like to get in touch with me please contact me through lybrate.comread more
Doctors in Harmony Psychiatry Clinic
Patient Review Highlights
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From quite some time i was suffering from mood disorder but never gave much importance to it. I was having very bad thoughts regarding my mood disorder. Even though Dr Armaanis not from our city, he is still very famous, so we consulted him. He is well aware about innovative techniques to treat problems. Thanks to him I am totally satisfied with the results. It was so quite pleasant in the Kolekar Hospital.
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All individuals get nervous or anxious at some point of time or the other due to a plethora of reasons. But for some individuals, anxiety becomes so frequent and forceful, that it overpower their lives. Most of the normal anxiety are short lived and the feelings may last for few hours. However, an anxiety problem becomes an anxiety disorder when anxious feelings are very intense and last for weeks or months. Anxiety disorder exists in different forms like panic attacks, social anxiety and phobia.
The most common form of anxiety is Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) during which an individual worries too much about everyday things and situations, both large and small. The person in this condition has persistent anxious thoughts on most days of the week, for six months. Moreover, the anxiety is so overpowering that it interferes with daily life and is coupled by noticeable symptoms like fatigue. The anxiety level goes to such an extent that causes a lot of dysfunction and suffering. If a person suffers from sleep problems and finds himself regularly awake and agitated or worried, then it is a tell-tale sign of generalized anxiety disorder. This is followed by a situation when one wakes up overstimulated with mind racing and one is unable to calm down.
When the anxiety is tied to a specific situation and the fear is overwhelming and out of proportion to the actual risks then the condition is phobia. This can be due to anything ranging from crowd, animals to flying in an aeroplane or using an escalator. Muscle tension like clenching of jaw or fists or flexing of muscles though out the body always accompanies anxiety disorders. Regular exercise can help keep muscle tension under control, but the tension may get triggered up if an injury or other unforeseen event disrupts a person's workout habits. Panic disorder is repeated, unexpected panic attacks where one encounters panic in a situation where most people wouldn’t be afraid. Anxiety also leads to chronic digestive problems like cramping and bloating of stomach.
Social phobia or social anxiety disorder occurs when one develops an intense fear of being judged or embarrassed in public. People with social anxiety disorder have a tendency to worry for weeks leading to an event or situation. When and if they manage it, they tend to be deeply uncomfortable and are always judgemental about it. In case of social anxiety disorder, the anxiety is triggered by everyday situations like one-on-one conversation at a get-together, or eating and drinking in front of small group. The person feels that everybody is watching him and experiences profuse sweating, trembling, nausea and person becomes tongue-tied. These disruptions make it hard for the person to meet new people and maintain relationships.
Panic disorder causes terrifying panic attacks when the person experiences a sudden gripping feeling of fear and helplessness which lasts for several minutes. It is generally accompanied with scary symptoms like breathing problems, a pounding heart, numb hands and sweating.
Excessive fear of being separated from home or a loved one is separation anxiety disorder. Post -traumatic stress disorder is an anxiety disorder in which the patient relives a disturbing or traumatic event like a violent encounter, the sudden death of a loved one.
An anxiety disorder affects the thinking, feelings as well as behaviour of a normal person. It’s important to seek professional help if one see any of the warning signs of anxiety disorders in an individual. In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!
Teenagers face a huge amount of pressure, from puberty changes to questions regarding their identity and where they fit in. With this kind of uncertainty and instability, it is generally not easy to distinguish amongst depression and the developing hormonal changes. However, teen depression goes way beyond general teenage moodiness. It is a serious medical issue that affects each part of a teenager's life. Luckily, it is treatable and parents can offer assistance.
Here are a few signs that can help determine whether a teenager has depression:
Genuinely depressed teenagers regularly think, talk about, or make attention gathering attempts at suicide. However, a disturbing and increasing number of teenagers’ suicide attempts do happen in reality. Therefore, self-destructive or suicidal thoughts or behaviors need to be considered important and taken seriously.
- A teenager who stays sad, cranky, void or in an irritable mood and believes that life meaningless and good for nothing, is suffering from depression.
- They may experience a loss of enthusiasm for games or exercises they used to appreciate or a withdrawal from loved ones or an inescapable inconvenience seeing someone.
- They experience changes in appetite, critical weight gain or loss.
- A depressed teenager has a tendency to indulge in increased late-night activities, has too much or too little sleep, faces inconvenience getting up in the morning and is regularly late for school.
- A teenager who is depressed suffers from physical agitation, paces forward and backward and displays over the top or dull behaviors.
- He/she may have a loss of energy, social withdrawal, withdrawal from regular exercises, or fatigue.
- He/she may make basic remarks about themselves, conduct issues at school or at home, or become excessively sensitive to being rejected.
- A teenager who is depressed usually has poor performance in school, a drop in test results, or a poor attendance.
- He/she frequently complains about physical pain (headaches, stomach aches).
- He/she thinks or writes about death, gives away the most loved assets with remarks like "You would be better off without me."
Remember that a lot of these signs and symptoms are similar to the conduct of an ordinary teenager. That is the reason why a specialist or a psychologist should be considered in order to determine whether your child has depression or not. In case you are uncertain if your child is depressed or simply being an adolescent, consider to what extent these signs have been going on, how extreme they are, and how different your child is acting from his or her typical self.
Depression is a natural condition. It is not something to be embarrassed about and it should be dealt with. A mix of medical and psychological behavioral treatments are regularly prescribed for teenagers. Request a referral to a psychological wellness clinician from your doctor or medical attendant, a neighborhood recreational center or healing center, friends, kins, care groups, or clinicians. It is important that the entire family get instruction and support about the disorder as patients suffering from depression need company and support. In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!