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Marriage is a very tricky relationship. On one hand, you are happy to have found that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with and on the other, you are overwhelmed with the number of people that are going to be a part of your new family. While this is true for both people in the marriage, a lot would depend on the final living situation. It is a different experience if the couple is going to be staying in close proximity to their families as compared to when all the family members are living together under the same roof.
There are mixed feelings of anxiety and curiosity, especially if it is an arranged marriage, where the number of interactions with your partner itself are limited. With the changing scenario in relationships, there are some families (extended family) who you end up meeting only during family occasions.
Also, the relationship dynamics with the in-laws changes for the couple. Let us look deeper into how different it is for the everyone and how to manage them.
In most situations in Indian marriages, the woman moves into her husband’s place, thereby, there is an increase in the number of people she interacts with. If it is a love marriage, the chance of meeting the immediate family members are always high. However, in more formal set-ups, the woman would have hardly interacted with her spouse’s family members. In these cases, understanding their expectations and living up to them is a big challenge. In these cases, it is essential for the members of the family to effectively communicate with each other and discuss the issues at hand. This helps in setting and aligning expectations.
- With changing lifestyle trends, the expectations have also changed, both for the woman and her new family. It is therefore very essential to understand the little things that form a part of a daily routine.
- It is also very important to set expectations on special occasions like festivals and family functions, as the expectations are high and the chance of disappointment is also higher.
- For the man, again, it depends on how the set-up is after the marriage. If the families know each other, the interaction is much smoother or else, it takes some time for all the people involved to get to know each other.
All said and done, both have to be mentally prepared to embrace the new members that come with the relationship. Talking to a common friend or even acounsellor can help, if required. The key is to set and manage expectations so that disappointments are avoided.
Marriage brings with it a whole new set of living standards. How much ever you know the other person, living with that person as a family is a different experience. There are things which annoy you as much as things that surprise you, leaving you excited and happy at times, annoyed and agitated at others.
It is often the small things that lead to temperamental issues between couples. And, different people have different tolerance limits. While some could ignore the small issues and throw tantrums only when there is some significant argument, for others, throwing their temperament could just be a way out to vent their anger. These bouts may appear and disappear in a matter of seconds to minutes. It is very important for the couple to understand each other’s limits and play accordingly. It is also important to complement each other so that both are not throwing tempers at the same time.
The following are some ways to manage temperamental issues between couples.
- Avoid arguments in the presence of other family members or friends
- It is always good to discuss sensitive things when in private
- Apologise if you know you said or did something wrong
- A direct conversation always helps clear the air
- Gradually learn to understand what will irritate your spouse and try to avoid it
- Be accepting of and respect your spouse as he/she is
- Learn to ignore the small things and not fight over them
- Learn to tolerate the negative aspects of your spouse
- Learn not to talk about the past, it will only add to the hatred and bitterness
- Try to discuss the problem in an outside soothing environment than at home
- Listen to your spouse, don’t just vent out your feelings and thoughts
- Reach an agreement where both are benefited (emotionally)
- Do not ignore small problems, learn to give importance to your spouse’s feelings and thoughts
- Give each other space and privacy once in a while
- Learn and encourage a hobby with genuine interest, whatever be it
- Always show that you love and care, nothing works like a warm hug
When in a temperamental fit, ask yourself if it is really important, consider the big picture. In 99% of the situations, it would not be. Just let it go. Fight only when you really have to.
For a couple, it is not about who won the fight or the argument. It always pays to be kind and fight only when really important. Almost all differences can be sorted out by talking out responsibly in a mature manner and with love. A sorry here, a thank you there and your love will go a long way in resolving issues and a happy married life. If you wish to discuss about any specific problem, you can consult a psychologist.
We as individuals are unique and blessed with independent thoughts and intellect, which help us in making decisions in life. One of the biggest decisions in life that we have to make is choosing a life partner. We may have to go through several proposals and meet lots of people before we are able to make this crucial choice and select an ideal partner to spend the rest of your life with. Many times, such decisions are made sooner and at sometimes we may have to seek the opinion of our friends, relatives and well-wishers to be able to find the perfect match.
In all cases, what really matters is that the relationship that we have build has to be strong enough to last a lifetime and that if there is any problem between the couple, they should be able to resolve it amicably, with understanding and maturity. In order to forge relationships that can last, the beginning of the association has to be crucial. There are a number of ways in which you can ensure that the beginning is smooth and that the rest of your lives are also spent in happiness.
The importance of counselling
In the modern times, when couples expect a lot more than couples of the olden times, it becomes extremely important to make sure that the couplevisits a marriage counsellor in time and is given an opportunity to get to know each other in a better manner. Here are a few ways in which counselling may be a boon for newly acquainted couples who are to get married.
- The counselling may help them realise their similarities and also understand what their strong points as a couple
- The session of understanding each other may also aid in knowing what they expect from each other in the long term rather than finding out the difficult way.
- It may also help in understanding the importance of amicable family relationships and how close and extended families help in the making of long and strong relationships.
- The pre-marriage counselling provided to couples also ensures that they are able to get a healthy and transparent forum to be able to know each other and understand what they can expect from life if they are together.
Getting the right kind of help
Although parents and elders usually advise the couple before they get married, it is important to make sure that formal counselling is also received from an expert in the field of psychology. When you choose to go to a worthy and trusted expert, you are able to ensure that the best methods of opening up to each other are used and that the session remains fruitful for the couple as well as their families in the long term.
Being confident is a very essential quality for all human beings, irrespective of their age or profession. Boosting up your confidence level will not only make you feel good about yourself but will also help you to keep your feet firmly on the ground ,no matter what situation you have to encounter in your daily life. Self -confidence also helps you to create a very good impression of yourself and gives you an edge over others, especially when you are trying to seek a job or representing your company or educational institute.
The following are eight proven ways to bolster your level of confidence:
- Think positively. Positive thinking can help you see the better side of every situation you confront. Thus, it can increase your confidence level.
- Being prepared to face new challenges in life and accepting those challenges is another crucial step for improving your level of confidence.
- Volunteer for different causes and activities. You may consider volunteering for social causes or you may also volunteer for different activities at your workplace or institution. This is a very important step for boosting up your confidence.
- Try to visualize your success. If you can see it before your eyes, you can achieve it too. Imagining yourself as successful will automatically elevate your confidence level.
- Find out the true purpose of your life. This will add meaning to your life and thus, can increase your confidence to a whole new level.
- Connect with others more often. Staying alienated most of the time can bring down your confidence level. The more you connect, the more confident you will become.
- Never underestimate yourself and your abilities. Have a strong belief in who you are and what you are capable of. This can make you more confident.
- Try to stay fit and healthy. As we all know health is wealth. Being healthy and fit always will make you feel good about yourself and will thus enhance your level of confidence.
Along with the aforesaid tips, remember to smile always. A bright face will automatically make you appear more confident to others.