HOW TO BOUNCE BACK FROM FAILURE

“It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure,” Bill Gates said. We always shower praise on those who have triumphed. Very rarely do we examine all the times the successful people have failed, and analyze how they turned their “luck” around. In this tip, you will understand how to turn failure into success and bounce back with more fervour.

1. A SUCCESSFUL MINDSET: If you’re striving to achieve anything then failure is inevitable. “Whenever you’re trying a new experiment, whether it’s a new job, a new product, a new hobby, a new boyfriend or girlfriend–whatever it is–you need to give some thought to what is your strategy and which are the possible ways to achieve it. Do you have any plan B or plan C if plan A fails? What will you do if nothing works out...and how to minimise the losses as well as taking advantage of the opportunities that you have. Assessing your opportunities and threats to success is very important. When a newly wedded girl comes to stay with her In laws, she might need to have a number of ways in her kitty to make her place in the new household rather than just stick to a few traditional ones. If one technique doesn't work, try something else. Disaster strikes when creativity is not given a place and failure was not factored in. Feeling helpless doesn't add upto success. Optimism is what people need to bounce back with.

2. LEARN AND IMPROVE WITH EACH FAILURE: Failure is just an opportunity to learn and improve. It’s a teaching moment that should be analyzed with a practical, clear mind. It helps to see mistakes as stepping stones to learning and improving and using it as an opportunity to bounce back. Every person should behave like a scientist with a mind open to exploring, assessing, making mistakes and changing. Mistakes must be embraced as being part of the process of success. If we don’t make mistakes it means that we’re not trying, and if we’re not trying then we’re not learning and getting better. Your self-worth should not rest on perfectionism, but rather value your ability to accept and learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is willing to admit when they’re wrong, which can hamper progress and relationships. When Meena and Arun started dating each other, they didn't know each other well and tried to impress each other in ways that was not working out well for both of them. It was very frustrating for them to see that their relationship was not working out. In counselling, they realised that they were not asking what each can do to impress the other. Meena told Arun that she would like to be taken out to plays and theatre by her future partner and Arun told Meena that he would like to take weekend trips to nearby destinations to get to know his partner well. When they both started doing what the other appreciated, they got to know each other better and relationship started blooming. Thus Arun and Meena assessed the situation, were open to discussion and found an amicable solution instead of thinking of their previous efforts as failure and giving up. 

3. LOVE YOUR CRITICS: How do you feel when your work gets criticised repeatedly by your boss, manager or your husband. It mighty be hurtful and demeaning to hear critical feedback, but if many people are saying the same things about your work or behaviour, then maybe it's time to give it a serious thought. When Saira was often told that she wasn't cooperative enough in team activities and tends to slacken and pass on work to other members, her mind started working. She had got the same comments in her previous organisations. She started seeing a grain of truth in this feedback and took steps to rectify complaints that stood out common in all the feedbacks and reworked her way back to become a sought after team member. Her next years' appraisal was better and got her an increment. Saira triumphed, because she knew how to learn from criticism.

4. ACCEPT FAILURE AS AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE: Shivani was heartbroken when her 15 year old perfect son started doing badly in exams. Her world fell apart when she came to know that he had secured 73% in 10th grade. She felt that she had failed as a parent and her son as she had not devoted enough time to her son as she was a working mother. In counselling, she was asked if she knew any parent who had never failed their kids and were always there for them. Shivani couldn't come up with any names of such mothers who had been perfect to the core. Yes, that's how real mothers are...you will fail sometimes and you will win sometimes. Every moment you are real with your child, you are succeeding as a mother. Accepting failure as a part of life and knowing that you gave it your best shot is good enough. There's magic in feeling genuine regret rather than overkilling guilt and shame. Own your failure openly, publicly, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection—the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

5. GO WITH YOUR GUT: When you see a red flag, pay attention. How many times in life have you kicked yourself for not listening to that little voice in your head that says, “Something is wrong here”?. Preetam gave an interview with an organisation, going by their market reputation. Yet during the interview, he picked up feelings of dissonance within the company. After joining them, he realised that his gut was right..the company was going through major shuffle and policy changes, which were not working out for Preetam.

6. BE A PROBLEM SOLVER AND STAY CALM: In a crisis, people tend to get anxious. Maintaining a sense of Zen will not only allow you to think more clearly but will also set the tone for those around you. Kapil used to get tensed over small details. He realised that in the larger scheme of things they were really not that important. He focussed his energies on things that were more important for him to reach his monthly targets. This started calming him down.

7. FIND A SOLUTION: You need to figure out how to address and remedy the situation. Start by considering your end game — what’s the ultimate outcome you’d like to see? — and work backwards from there. Daya wanted to be a good father to his children. He wanted them to remember him as a gentle and loving father. He started working backwards and his daily actions and behaviours showed to his children that Daya was a loving father. He played with them, took them for cricket coaching, went swimming, shared personal success and failures and most of all listened to them when they had to say something.

8. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MISTAKES AND FAILURES: If you screwed up, don’t make excuses — just apologise genuinely for any errors on your part. Remember, that no one is perfect and it's human to err. Prema was a caring mother. She had many dreams about her daughter and wanted her to do well in studies and be a well behaved child of the family. But when her daughter started showing disinterest in studies and marks started falling, Prema used to beat up her daughter in her anxiety to do well. In counselling Prema understood that her intentions were good, but the way she communicated were not helping the situation as Prema's daughter hated her mother and maintained distance. Prema owned up her mistakes and apologised for her errors to her daughter. She also took remedial action to be accepting of her daughter and gave her the space to make her own mistakes and learn from them. 

9. BECOME PROACTIVE: Don’t let a small mistake linger and turn into a bigger one. That’s not to say you should simply be reactive, but i f you know you did something wrong, deal with it right away. Say, for example, you stuck your foot in your mouth during an important business meeting and inadvertently offended your boss or a client. Acknowledge the gaffe, apologize and try to move on without beating yourself up. Remember that, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

10. DEFINE YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND FAILURES: Its important to have your own definition of both rather than how the world sees and defines success and failure. Find answers to questions like: How would you be behaving when you have succeeded, what must happen to feel successful, how will your life change when you are successful? Every person has a very different view and definition for success and making it your own definition can spell failure. Don't let the world tell you whether you have failed or succeeded. It's also excellent for self esteem and works as a protective shield from potential damage. 

So, next time there’s that misstep, mistake or misunderstanding, remember to take a deep breath and be your own best publicist by remaining calm, seeking the solution and seeing the challenge as an opportunity to lead and learn.









How To Bounce Back From Failure - Tips From A Pyschologist

Most Practical Tips for Controlling Everyday Stress

We generally use the word 'stress' when we feel that everything becomes too much to handle - we are overloaded and wonder whether we can cope with the pressures placed upon us. Nowadays stress is a normal part of life. Almost everyone has some sort of stress. Constantly reacting to stressful situations without making adjustments to counter the effects, threatens our health and well-being.

There are steps you can help you managing day to day stressful conditions and take to feel better.

Be realistic: If you feel overwhelmed by some activities (yours and/or your family's), learn to say NO! Eliminate an activity that is not absolutely necessary. You may be taking on more responsibility than you can or should handle. If you meet resistance, give reasons why you're making the changes. Be willing to listen to other's suggestions and be ready to compromise.

Shed the 'superman/superwoman' urge: No one is perfect, so don't expect perfection from yourself or others. Ask yourself, 'What really needs to be done?' How much can I do? Is the deadline realistic? What adjustments can I make?' Don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it.

Take one thing at a time: For people under tension or stress, their day-to-day workload can sometimes seem unbearable. The best way to cope with this feeling of being overwhelmed is to take one task at a time. Make a list of things you need to get done and start with one task. Once you accomplish that task, choose the next one. The positive feeling of 'checking off' tasks is very satisfying. It will motivate you to keep going.

Share your feelings: A conversation with a friend lets you know that you are not the only one having a bad day. Stay in touch with friends and family. Ask them how they have dealt with a similar situation that may be 'stressing you out.' Let them provide love, support and guidance. Don't try to cope alone.

Be flexible: If you find you're meeting constant opposition in either your personal or professional life, rethink your position or strategy. Arguing only intensifies stressful feelings. Make allowances for other's opinions and be prepared to compromise. If you are willing to be accommodating, others may meet you halfway. Not only will you reduce your stress, you may find better solutions to your problems. Go easy with criticism. You may expect too much of yourself and others. Try not to feel frustrated, disappointed or even 'trapped' when another person criticises you.

Hobbies: Take a break from your worries by doing something you enjoy. Whether it's gardening or painting, schedule time to indulge your interest. Exercise: Regular exercise is a popular way to relieve stress. Twenty to thirty minutes of physical activity benefits both the body and the mind. Meditate: Just ten to twenty minutes of quiet reflection may bring relief from chronic stress as well as increase your tolerance to it.

Take Herbal Supplement: Herbs like Brahmi, Ashwagandha, Mandukparni, Shankhpuspi, Kaunch are very helpful in managing stress. These herbs work on the brain and help relax you which ultimately empowers you to manage your stressful conditions easily. There are many herbal supplements available in the market that can help you.

Consult the Doctor: If your stress level doesn't seem to improve with above tips, it may require more attention and consultation with an Expert.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'Consult'.

Most Practical Ways of Controlling Everyday STRESS

Do you believe that the world is a hostile place and you are a victim? Are you the one who often doubts his or her abilities? If so, you might be showing signs of low self-esteem. Interestingly, self-esteem has nothing do with your actual ability or talent. Your looks, weight or skills are not responsible for your low self esteem. It largely depends upon the fact that how you value yourself.

It has been observed in most cases that self-esteem is often affected by a number of reasons, including ill-health, unpleasant memories from the past, and termination of relationships. Low self-esteem is generally marked in survivors of physical or sexual abuse, victims of racial discrimination or people who have had a traumatic past life.

If you don t pay attention towards this issue, you might end up developing certain serious mental disorders. Low self-esteem is also the root cause behind the occurrence of mental disorders like borderline personality disorder, depression, etc. However, there is nothing to worry about it. There are certain simple things that are useful in building up your self-esteem.

Here s all that you need to do to start believing in yourself and be confident about your capabilities:

1. Remember your strong points: Make three separate lists of your strengths; achievements and your qualities that you admire. Take help from your friends, parents and other well-wishers for preparing these lists. These lists will help you in understanding your abilities and goodness. You will be able to believe in your strengths. You must read through these lists at least once daily.

2. Be positive: Optimism and a positive approach towards life are the key to success. Your self-esteem is influenced by the fact that how you look at life. Life is not a bed of roses. It is unavoidable that you will have to face critical situations or problems in life. But, what is important is to face them with courage and a faith in your own abilities. Be positive and stop developing negative thoughts about yourself. Get rid of thoughts like  I am a loser ;  I can t get rid of this problem ; etc.

3. Take care of your body: Your outward appearance sometimes works wonders in lifting up your inner-self and spirits. Keep yourself clean, trim your beard or hairs; cut your nails; don t forget to floss your teeth and maintain overall personal hygiene to develop a feeling of goodness.

4. Sleep well: A good night s sleep is essential for boosting up your self - esteem.

5. Eat right: A balanced diet is a key to good health. Eating the right food in the right way keeps your mental and physical health all right. Include minerals and vitamins in your regular meals. Avoid distractions like television or radio while taking meals.

6. Exercise: Regular workouts keep you away from mental-ill health.

7. Be cool and comfortable first: When it comes to your dressing, try to put on attires that you can carry well. Wear stuffs that you love the most.

How to Build your Self Esteem?

Top 4 Ways You Can Increase Your Willpower

There are days when you wake up but you don’t want to move out of the bed. When your alarm goes off and you open your eyes feeling groggy and disoriented.Times when you accept defeat and stop moving towards what you want to achieve in life. These are just indicators of being low on motivation and lacking will power to chnage things. It’s more psychological than physical. Follow these simple tips, to come out of your cocoon and boost your willpower. 

Try these four ways to up your willpower.

1) Meditate - Meditation is the key to unleashing your powers, especially willpower. Practicing mindfulness, even for few minutes a day can help in boosting your willpower.

2) Exercise - The magic pill of exercise is another best way to boost your willpower. It is recommended that you exercise for 30 minutes, at least three times a week to ensure that you feel fitter, reduce your anxiety levels and boost your overall willpower to achieve bigger and better things in life.

3) Hold yourself accountable - That’s one of the best ways to boost your willpower. If you hold yourself accountable in your own life, if you know that those reasons of not getting out of the bed are mere excuses, then you would certainly increase your willpower.

4) Set Goals - One of the reasons why people experience a faltering in their will power is the fact that they don’t set their goals. Setting definitive targets is a must.You must ensure that the goal is set with measurable quantities, is specific, attainable, relevant and timely. All of this will certainly help you in enhancing your willpower.

If you have any further questions, ask me by clicking on 'consult'.

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Top 4 Ways You Can Increase Your Willpower

Panic disorder is a condition that strikes without reason or caution and can be serious. Indications of panic disorder usually include sudden attacks of panic and anxiety, in addition to physical side effects, such as sweating and a pounding heart. During a fit of panic, the reaction is based on the circumstances, which may not be threatening in general, but triggers a feeling of panic. After some time, a person with a panic disorder builds up a consistent fear of having another fit of anxiety, which can influence the every day functioning and lifestyle in general. Panic disorder usually occurs alongside other conditions like depression, liquor abuse, or drug abuse.

You might experience the ill effects of a panic disorder if you:

Encounter frequent, unforeseen fits of anxiety that are not attached to a particular circumstance or event
Stress over having another fit of anxiety
Are trying to avoid the places of your precious panic attacks
The most common symptoms of a panic disorder are as follows:

Trouble relaxing and feeling uneasy most of the time
Beating heart or abdominal pain with a feeling of nervousness
Serious irrational and emotional fear
Feeling as if you are out of breath
Feeling as if you are being choked or smothered
Dizzy spells
Trembling or shaking
Sweating constantly
Feeling nauseous or having a stomach ache
Shivering or numbness in the fingers and toes
Sudden chills or hot flashes
A fear that you are losing control or are about to die
While a single panic attack may just last a couple of minutes, the impact of the experience can leave a long lasting impression and make you susceptible to more such attacks. In case you have this issue, the repetitive fits of panic take an emotional toll. The memory of the fear that you felt during these attacks can affect your self-confidence and cause interruption to your regular day-to-day existence. In the end, this prompts to the following panic disorder effects:

Expectant uneasiness: Instead of feeling like yourself in the middle of panic attacks, you feel tensed and on edge. This uneasiness originates from a dread of having future attacks of anxiety. This fear is seen more often than not, and can be extremely disabling at times.
Phobic avoidance: You start to stay away from specific circumstances or situations. This might happen since you are maintaining a strategic distance because of your previous panic attack. On the other hand, you may stay away from areas where escape would be troublesome or help would be inaccessible in case you had a fit of panic.
Medicines: Medicines can be used to control or decrease a majority of the side effects of panic disorder. Even if medicines do not form a part of the main treatment, when combined with other treatments, medicines are very effective. Eg. therapy and lifestyle changes.

Panic Disorder - 12 Signs You Are Suffering From it!

Facing a major crisis in life? Here are 5 ways to deal with one

Life is a mixture of good and bad times and everyone experiences a crisis at some point in their lives. A life crisis is a situation when everything in your life seems to fall apart, followed by a major event or a series of events such as the loss of a job, death of a family member, a relationship break-up, divorce, to name a few. Whatever the reason may be, each crisis tests your ability to cope with grief. 

Here are some tips on how to face a life crisis bravely and bring your life back on track.

1. Don't run away from the problem
It's very common for people to want to run away from problems when situations are not in their favour. Instead, face the difficulties bravely and try to find ways to deal with it. Accept that it has happened and focus on the next logical course of action.

2. Rule out the negative self-assumptions with logical reasons
After experiencing a major loss in life, it's not uncommon to have negative self-assumptions or feelings of guilt. You may feel traumatised due to the happenings in your life and may start believing that the world is no longer a safe place. This can lead to frustration and sense of futility. In such a situation, don't panic unnecessarily, and give yourself logical reasons instead to prove that most of your negative assumptions are not true.

3. Seek the help of your family and friends
Spend more time with your family and friends, but do not always discuss the negativities you are facing in life. Instead of always telling them how terrible you feel, enjoy some light moments with them. This will help you cultivate a feeling of having a strong and secure support network.

4. Take a short vacation
Take a break from work and spend few days out of your town. It will help rejuvenate your soul and re-energise you to deal with the crisis situation. Vacations prove to work wonders to your physical and mental health, reducing depression and the stress you face to a considerable extents. 

5. Keep a record of your progress
Record whatever positive happens to you each day, even if it's a small thing. Write about how you feel while experiencing and recovering from this crisis. This not only helps in bringing about a positive mind-frame, but also keeps your mind away from the painful events, speeding the healing process.




Facing a Major Crisis in Life? Here are 5 Ways to Win Over It.

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