For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

Humans are social animals who thrive on reciprocality. It is in our basic nature to be socially courteous, and the word 'No' feels like a conflict that warns a potential relationship. Many of us tend to comply with every single request that is put forward to us by our peers, family, or at the workplace by our superiors. We choose to take up more jobs than we can efficiently handle and put unnecessary stress on ourselves even at the cost of our time and well-being. Must we always do that? 

Why is it so hard to say 'No'?

People have the notion that saying 'No' can come across as rude or uncaring. You may feel that you are letting someone down by turning down their request or risking a relationship. But, it has mostly to do with your self-confidence than your relationships with people. It may branch from overbearing parents, high expectations set by your peers and mentors or experiencing parenthood yourself and setting unreasonable standards for yourself. Childhood influences are usually the biggest cause of people always saying  yes  all the time.

People who have low self-confidence tend to value their own needs less than the needs of others. Saying 'No' feels rude, and no one wants to be impolite.

Well... saying 'No' does not mean you are being rude or disagreeable.

At the end of the day, it is more about how you say 'no', rather than just saying the word 'No'. Saying 'No' is about valuing and respecting your own time and priorities. 

How to start saying say 'No'?
If you want to take a step back and start saying 'No' to make sure your own needs are valued, here s what you need to do.

Refuse politely, when it seems not possible: Do not overcomplicate responses and try to be as simple in your responses as you can be. If you are asked to do something, and you want to say 'no', try to be polite in your body language and state that it is not convenient for you at the moment and that you would rather get back to it later.
Seek time before committing: The transition from saying  yes  all the time to saying no does take time! Start to give yourself more time and ask people to get back to you later. This way you can begin to build more self-confidence and learn to say no over time. This also allows you to evaluate your response instead of immediately saying yes or no to the person asking the favor or task.
Do not feel guilty: Deep down if you want to do a favor, you can go ahead with it, but you should also understand that it is okay to say no, and there is no need to associate guilt with it. You should set boundaries and allow people around you to understand how much favors they can ask you for instead of presenting you with an endless amount of favors from you.
Set your boundaries: Refusal does not amount to rejection as you have just as much right to say  no  as the person who is asking the favor from you. You are simply turning down a request, and in most situations, there is a middle ground for compromises where both you and the requester can be satisfied. If you have limited time to fulfill a request, let the person know and help out only as much as you can without overstepping your boundaries.
Bringing in these changes can help you be more self-confident, and at the same time enable you to say no when you need to without weighing yourself down with expectations and fear or rejection.

Simple Steps To Help You Say No!

Do you get angry easily? Do you fume when something goes against your wish? Does your blood pressure rocket when someone tells you something that you don't like? Anger is a normal emotion of human psychology, but it is equally important to keep your anger under control. Just like any other emotion, anger too varies from person to person, and the circumstances. Uncontrolled anger can lead to mental and physical stress. It also causes stress on relationships and damages your health. Therefore, it is important to practice anger management exercises to control such extremes of emotions.

Here are some of the anger management tips that can help you control your anger:

1. Think before you speak: We often say something out of anger and then regret it later. This is a common condition that has been faced by almost everyone at some point of time. Do not say things abruptly without thinking. Always take your time and think over what you are about to say.

2. Express your anger once you are calm: Do not say things at the heat of the moment. Once you calm down, express your views on things that are bothering you. This will help you express better without hurting anyone.

3. Exercise: Regular exercise is one of the best tools to reduce stress. Light meditative exercises performed on a regular basis such as a morning jog or deep breathing can control your anger to a great extent.

4. Identify the specific cause: Instead of being grumpy about things that make you angry, try to find out the root cause of the issue and eliminate it, so that you don't have to face it again. Remind yourself that anger won't solve the problem and can only make situations worse.

5. Hold no grudge: Holding on to the negative feelings can only have a negative impact on your own health. Learn to forgive others. Forgiving not only keeps the relationship healthy, but also keeps you away from stress and negative emotions.

6. Practice relaxation tactics: When your temper reaches its height, put your relaxation tactics in action. A few tactics like deep breathing or repeating words to yourself like "Take it easy" or "Calm down" can actually calm you down during critical situations.

7.  Take a timeout: Take short breaks during stressful times of your day. This helps to release some of your stress and calm you down. You may also listen to music, take a light snack or do something that you like, to spend some time away from stressful conditions of your daily routine.

Best Ways To Control Anger

It is good to meditate as it gives solutions of many problems & stress is released, but sometimes it becomes compulsion with no or less results.  The aim of meditation is achieved with mind management and after this the mind gets the solution to all the stress and unfulfilled desires. The solutions that you get with mind management are permanent & not available anywhere else.

And, once it is done the mind is left with no reason for the production of stress again in future at all and it stops permanently in case of that perticular topic and for all aspects of life.

Benefits of Mind Managemnt

It is a scenario where once the mind gets all the solutions it is in meditaion, in syn with work, and thinks about useful thoughts. 
It is an acquired practice and with time our mind can be trained. Once you start practicing it and master it is then a permanent solution for all your worries. The mind management is a simple, easy  and is very less time consuming thing. 
It can help you find explanations and implementations that are not available anywhere.
Mind management is a perfect way to guide on the path of love, respect. progress and most importantly happiness
It can cure problems such as diagnosed, undiagnosed, autoimmune diseases and other number of problems with efficient and powerful techniques


Mind Management - A Perfect Way To Resolve Your Problems!

The brain is not a stagnant realm fed with a granted quota of intelligence and memory at birth. It is always in a state of flux. Exercising your brain in various ways accelerates its ability to perform better. It is in your hands to have a sharper take on situations and occurrences. Playing games that require brainstorming, solving quizzes, crosswords or playing chess makes you feel rejuvenated and tired at the same time; the reason being activated brain cells. A healthy brain will affect your life decisions positively and you probably will think rightly before you leap.

Tips to exercise those brain cells:

Meditate and calm your mind: Ten minutes of meditation each day can help you get over anxiety. When your mind is at peace you think out pros and cons with enhanced insight. This composure reflects in each of your actions. Meditation demands your brain to be quiet when it is accustomed to work; you therefore have greater control over it.
Music can improve your brain abilities: Music is the best antidote for a sloppy brain. Music excites the neurons healing a bruised memory. It gifts you with clarity of thought. Apart from listening to music one must try to play a musical instrument. Teaching yourself things puts your mind through a strict regimen of constructive activities.
Take out time to learn a new language: We are paralyzed the minute our brain gives up. Due to several external and internal reasons each one of us is likely to suffer from cognitive disorders on being subjected to extreme pressure or shock. Trying to learn a new language motivate your brain cells to have a wider vocabulary, which further restricts your chances of brain damage.  
Mental mathematics could better your intelligence: Calculators, computers and phones are ridding us of our ability to compute individual data. Computation and consolidation of data helps your mind to work faster with precision. So, you now know those lessons on mental mathematics in childhood were actually the key to a well rounded brain. 
Think of something novel: The more the number of neurons the merrier is your brain. Take pains to direct your mind on a novel track. Thinking beyond what is given and expected helps your brain grow new neurons. It builds up your creativity letting you discover more of your capabilities.

5 Tips To Help You Exercise Your Brain!

Nowadays, drug abuse is a universally condemned action such that selling certain drugs are illegal. Children are not allowed to take drugs until they reach a certain age such as 21 for most states in India. Lots of problems start occurring when you are addicted to a certain drug. It is also nearly impossible to stop since the nerve cells change the way they function due to drugs. 

These nerve cells overstimulate the 'reward circuit' of the brain. This means that your brain constantly needs to be 'rewarded' and this reward comes in the form of drugs. There are many reasons why people become addicts and here are some of them.

People want to get high: This is perhaps the most common reason why people become drug addicts. The moment they take in one drug, they love the feeling they get so much that they keep wanting to go back to it.
People want to fit in: This is also a very common reason. When all your friends and perhaps even your bosses and other superiors are taking drugs, you do not want to feel left out or ostracized by your friend group. This is why many people start taking drugs.
Unintentionally taking drugs due to injuries or medical conditions: Sometimes a doctor prescribes a medicine for a certain time period but it does not work or works too well and so you keep taking the drug so that you will feel better. This happens more often than you think.
People take drugs to relieve stress: This is another very common reason why people take drugs. You may easily rationalize with them thinking that taking drugs is a good way to relax from work and family pressures. However, the long term effects of taking drugs are much worse than the stress.
Boredom from daily life: In young teens and adolescents especially, life can be so boring that they want to try something new and thus resort to drug abuse.

5 Reasons Why People Get Addicted To Drugs

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