Getting through an ugly divorce is quite a difficult thing, no matter what the reason might be. Your world can turn upside down after a divorce and you have to make a fresh new start in life.

Here are some tips you should follow to get through an ugly divorce:

Accept the fact that it is okay to have different feelings: All feelings like sadness, anger, exhaustion, frustration and confusion are quite intense after a divorce. You should accept these reactions and they will surely decrease with time.
You need to give yourself a break: Accept the fact that you are weak and time is required to be back to normal functioning. Your work performance can be affected as well. Taking a break is a must after a divorce.
Do not try to go through the situation alone: You should share your feelings with your friends and family, and you will surely get help. Joining support groups can also be fruitful. Isolation makes your condition worse; so you must go out, interact and share stuff.
You should take proper emotional and physical care of your body: Eat timely, work out and relax. Try to maintain your normal daily routine and do not make major life decisions during this point of life. Abstain from too much alcohol and cigarettes as they are not a solution.
Avoid ugly situations: Avoid talking to your former spouse as discussions may lead to ugly situations and fights, which would enhance your misery.
Take a hobby: Try to do things you love to do from your heart. Join classes, take music lessons, paint pictures and slowly try to enjoy life. Making new friends is also a good idea.
Think positive: Positive thinking is a must and if you engross yourself in positive, constructive activities, you are likely to feel good. You need to be flexible and in case you have children, do your best to provide them an ideal atmosphere for adjusting to the situation.
Time can heal everything: Keep one thing in mind that life will eventually return to normal. Time heals everything and one day you will not be affected anymore.
Talk to your children and help them cope: You need to provide proper care to your kids for coping with the situation. Talk to your children and make them understand that they are not responsible for the divorce by any means. Try to ease their concerns, be compassionate, but maintain a direct approach. Maintain your child's routine exactly how it used to be, so that they feel less amount of sudden change. Do not involve your children in the conflict in any way.
A divorce is extremely difficult to cope with, as one has never faced or felt such a situation before. With proper support and measures, you can get over a divorce much more easily.

9 Ways to Help You Get Through an Ugly Divorce?

3 Proven Ways of Increasing Intimacy

Here is a list of 3 scientifically proven ways of increasing intimacy with your partner.

1. Look them in the eye and tell them all about yourself

Self-disclosure is an important part of relationships, especially during the initial phase. However, gradually as people feel that they've known enough about each other, communication seems to come to a standstill.

But the actual reason for this is not the lack of things to talk about but resistance which arises out of a feeling of vulnerability. It mostly happens in established relationships because both the partners do not wish to break past the certainty and assurance.

Therefore, the revealing part that may lead to some changes in perception is often skipped. However, not doing so and truly communicating with your partner can help you in increasing intimacy and having a deeper connection with your partner.

2. Share the laughter

Sharing the joy and the humorous experiences is a great way of increasing intimacy with your partner. Since every person's sense of humour is different, humour is a deeply personal aspect of your personality. Therefore, when you share genuine laughter with your partner that is when your sense of humour matches with each other, it improves your understanding and builds intimacy.

3. Tell them how you feel and know how they feel

It is extremely important for you to talk with your partner about how you feel - not just about the relationship, but about other important aspects of your life as well. If conflicts are dealt with by discussing how you feel about them and not on the lines of rationality, you end up feeling more intimate with your partner. Honestly discussing and exchanging your feelings is an amazing way of increasing your intimacy with your partner.



3 Proven Ways of Increasing Intimacy

Smith and Mackie (2007) term self-esteem as a set of positive or negative opinions about oneself. Self-esteem is an important predictor of success in career, relationships, marriage and public life. People who are depressed have a very low self-esteem about themselves. They think of themselves as good for nothings and persons having a nil value. There are three states of self-esteem. They are;

Shattered: An example of a person having shattered self-esteem is when he says,  I am old and useless to do this kind of work . This person sees himself as an absolutely useless person.
Vulnerable: In this state, a slight embarrassment or defeat may expose the vulnerable side of the person. Otherwise, such persons have a positive frame of mind.
Strong: People in this state are very strong emotionally. Defeats, embarrassments etc. do not affect them. These people have a very high sense of self-esteem.
Psychologists, however, have prescribed several ways through which one can improve one s self-esteem.

How to improve one s self-esteem

Control your thoughts- Watch out what your inner critic is saying to you. Every time you hear its voice, ask yourself- would this be the way your best friend would speak to you? If your inner critic is being merciless on you all the time, you need to silence it.
Focus on the good things that happen to you- Everyday, write at least 3 good things that happened to you. Avoid the obstructive or harmful things that came your way. Focus on the happier side of the day. Do not dwell upon the negatives.
No need to be perfect- In the quest to be perfect, many people lose control of themselves. It probably must do with the pressures of modern life where achievement is the be all and end all. But, not everyone can be perfect. Rather, focus on the effort or process. This way, you will be better able to appreciate yourself as a person.
Accept mistakes- Often we fail to realise that mistakes come to us masked as opportunities. But, we are too fixated by the mistakes we commit. We are obsessed with the thought,  Why did I commit this mistake?  rather than,  How to avoid this particular mistake? . If we learn how to avoid committing mistakes, we will tremendously improve our self-esteem.
Experiment with new skills- Try out new skills and then improve upon them. For example, you may pick up music and track your achievement levels. If you continually improve yourself in this new skill, you will obviously set new benchmarks. Give credit to yourself after achievement of every new milestone.
Accept your limits- You are no superman. You have your own limits. Once you accept your limitations, you will stop blaming yourself for all the wrongs that are happening to you. 

Self Esteem - How Can You Improve It?

Depression is often equated with isolation and brooding but this is not always the case. Many people may actually suffer from depression without showing the typical symptoms of this condition. Hence, this form of depression may go unnoticed for many years. Such cases are known as high-functioning depression. Some of the symptoms of this condition include:

Having difficulty expressing happiness: Though a person may be able to work normally, a person suffering from high-functioning depression will find it difficult to express emotions such as happiness. Thus he or she may not know how to act in the event of a promotion at work, the beginning of a new relationship or any other such happy events. In such cases, the happiness a person experiences from these events is temporary and muted.
Lowered energy levels: Unlike not being able to get out of bed when suffering from typical forms of depression, a person suffering from high-functioning depression can follow his or her usual routine. However, they often find themselves lacking the energy they would normally have and feel the need to put extra effort into their normal tasks. This reduces the amount of satisfaction derived from completing tasks.
Persistent self-doubt: While being self-critical is good to a certain extent, a person suffering from this form of depression is rarely satisfied with their work. Even when recognised by their peers or given an award for their work, they feel that this praise is misguided and have trouble accepting it. Thus, suffering from this condition is akin to swimming a race against the current and with additional unnecessary weights.
Substance abuse: Since this form of depression can go undiagnosed for many years, patients often turn to alcohol and other addictive substances in frustration. This can further delay diagnosis as many of the symptoms of this condition can also be attributed to substance abuse.
Feeling like a failure: Many people suffering from this condition feel as though they are constantly wasting time no matter how much they achieve in a day. This can make them feel hopeless and cause frequent changes in jobs.
The good news is that depression can be cured. Hence if someone around you or you, yourself experience such symptoms, talk to a doctor. Alternatively, you could make a few changes in your lifestyle to lift your mood. Try meditating in the morning or fit in some light exercise into your day. You could even take up a new hobby. However, this cannot replace cognitive therapy and psychological counselling.

High Functioning Depression & Anxiety!

In order to determine whether a person is having a drug problem, there are several signs, which can be interpreted to know about the exact drug abuse state of a person. Drug abuse requires immediate attention before it becomes more problematic. There are several patterns and stages of drug use that have been listed below:

1. Hard drug use: Heroin, cocaine and methamphetamine fall under the category of hard drugs and are the most dangerous drugs. There are severe effects on the health and behavior of a user of hard drugs. Some people use these kinds of drugs for recreational purposes, but some can get addicted just after using them once. Such people usually isolate themselves from society and possess a high-risk behavior.

2. Frequent drug use: Frequency alone cannot determine whether a person is addicted to a certain drug. Some people may take drugs only once and twice a week, but still suffer from acute addiction. Frequency of drug use may indicate tolerance and a person may require more with each day. Frequent drug users usually keep on continuing the habit and it is hard for them to quit.

3. Early drug use: Some people start taking drugs at an early age during adolescence, and they are likely to develop severe drug problems later in life. People who take drugs before the age of fifteen turn out to be addicts as they grow up. The earlier a person uses drugs, the earlier he becomes addicted. Early drug use is a common phenomenon in today's world.

4. Solitary drug use: Using drugs and addictive substances while a person is alone may result in fatal addiction and various problems in life. Teenagers using alcohol, marijuana and cigarettes are prone to serious drug problems during adulthood. Solitary drug users are usually poor in studies and have a violent or abusive behavior.

5. Escapist drug use: Many people use drugs for dealing with stress, several problems in life or for building self esteem. These are used as a substitute for escapism, which allows a person to escape from reality to a place where nothing bothers them and they can be at peace. Such people are likely to develop drug problems. Some people may experiment with drugs just for the sake of trying, but slowly they may like it and get addicted. This causes several problems in life, and a drug problem arises. Such drug problems may affect the health in many severe ways.

Drugs are used in several patterns. All people do not use drugs in the same pattern and frequency. The pattern of drug use by a person lets the doctor determine the level of drug abuse he is on, or if he is addicted.

Patterns of Drug Abuse

Procrastination is a way of sabotaging oneself by putting off activities and delaying success. This is an emotional and mental obstacle that many people face in varying degrees. So here is everything you need to know about procrastination.

It becomes a lifestyle: As per medical research, about 20% of the people who procrastinate, have been doing it on a chronic basis and can now safely say that this is a lifestyle and not just a habit that one has fallen prey to.
It is cultivated: Contrary to popular belief, procrastination is not something that anyone is born with. It is cultivated with constant inaction over a period of years, which also includes the act of making excuses to put off a task.
Excessive alcohol consumption: In many cases, procrastinators will end up enjoying higher consumption of alcohol than their contemporaries. This may be done to alleviate boredom before the excessive consumption becomes a habit, which further dulls the senses.
Hiding from the truth: It has been seen that procrastinators often lie to themselves or hide the truth about their problem by making mindless excuses, which do not actually exist. They are chronic liars who come to believe their lies, which can give rise to even more severe behavioural issues.
Distractions: Most people who procrastinate will look for distractions that will keep them from doing their work properly. This may include watching television or eating, or even doing mindless chores that are not important.
Focus: Many of these procrastinators have problems when it comes to focusing and finding solutions for various tasks. They cannot prioritise and put their mind to a certain task, which also prevents them from understanding the requirements for completing that task.
Avoiders: These types of procrastinators usually avoid doing the tasks that will lead them to success. They do not make the effort to carry out the necessary tasks in a proper manner.
Decisional procrastinators: These kind of procrastinators simply cannot find the motivation to take a decision that will change the direction of their lives by putting one step in front of the other on a daily basis.
Cost of procrastination: There is a huge cost that is borne by these kinds of people in the long run. While missing deadlines, losing jobs and not graduating from college are just some of the consequences, many of them also come down with a plethora of health conditions including gastrointestinal diseases.
Therapy for procrastination: The best way to transform a procrastinator is with the help of cognitive behavioural therapy, which can help in reprogramming the brain with fruitful, guided discussions and internal dialogues. This kind of therapy works well in the long run.

10 Things You Must Know About Procrastination

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