For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

Schizophrenia affects over 1% of the world s population and affects the way a person thinks, feels and behaves. In most cases, it is diagnosed when a person is between the ages of 16 to 25. This condition can be hereditary and is said to affect men more often than women. Schizophrenia is characterized by an inability to distinguish between real and imaginary which can lead to delusions, social withdrawal, hallucinations and other forms of social and occupational dysfunction.

Schizophrenia affects different people in different ways. On the basis of the type of symptoms exhibited, this disease has been categorized into 5 sub types. These are:

Paranoid schizophrenia: This type of schizophrenia is characterized by delusions and hallucinations that may make the person exhibit paranoid behaviour. These people often feel like they are being watched or followed and may have delusions of grandeur. They may also get angry quickly on minor issues and show signs of anxiety and hostility.
Disorganized schizophrenia: In such cases, the person may behave in ways that are difficult to understand or speak in broken sentences and have difficulty structuring a sentence. They may also display inappropriate behaviour and react in ways not suitable to the occasion. People suffering from disorganized schizophrenia may also neglect their personal hygiene.
Catatonic schizophrenia: People suffering from catatonic schizophrenia may swing between immobility and periods of rapid movement. They may stay quiet for hours or talk rapidly repeating everything they hear. These people have a high risk of harming themselves as they are usually unable to look after themselves and complete daily activities.
Undifferentiated schizophrenia: People suffering from this type of schizophrenia exhibit behaviour that fits into more than one type of schizophrenia. From time to time they may have hallucinations, suffer from delusions or display catatonic behaviour and disorganized behaviour or speech.
Residual schizophrenia: Even though a person may not be currently showcasing any signs of schizophrenia, they are said to have residual schizophrenia. Such people need to have had at least one schizophrenic episode. These people may exhibit symptoms later or be in complete remission.
With schizophrenia, an early diagnosis can make treatment easier and hence if you notice anyone exhibiting signs of schizophrenia, you must advise them to seek medical help immediately. Schizophrenia cannot be cured but it can be managed with a combination of typical or atypical medication and cognitive therapy. The latter can be in the form of self-help groups, housing and employment programs, counselling and therapy. 

Types Of Schizophrenia - How Can They Be Dealt With?

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. A person s mood and emotions can be altered drastically due to bipolar disorder, but they do not have more than one personality. Split personalities problem is more commonly seen in those with personality/dissociative disorders. 

There are four basic types of bipolar disorder; all of them involve clear changes in mood, energy, and activity levels. These moods range from periods of extremely  up,  elated, and energized behavior (known as manic episodes) to very sad,  down,  or hopeless periods (known as depressive episodes). Less severe manic periods are known as hypomanic episodes.

Bipolar I Disorder  defined by manic episodes that last at least 7 days, or by manic symptoms that are so severe that the person needs immediate hospital care. Usually, depressive episodes occur as well, typically lasting at least 2 weeks. Episodes of depression with mixed features (having depression and manic symptoms at the same time) are also possible.
Bipolar II Disorder  defined by a pattern of depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes, but not the full-blown manic episodes described above.
Cyclothymic Disorder (also called cyclothymia)  defined by numerous periods of hypomanic symptoms as well numerous periods of depressive symptoms lasting for at least 2 years (1 year in children and adolescents). However, the symptoms do not meet the diagnostic requirements for a hypomanic episode and a depressive episode.
Other Specified and Unspecified Bipolar and Related Disorders  defined by bipolar disorder symptoms that do not match the three categories listed above.
The disorder has two strong phases: 1) Bipolar Mania and 2) Depression.

Mania-

Mania is a state of heightened energy and euphoria - an elevation of mood. It is in direct contrast to depression. Mania can vary in severity from hypomania, where, in addition to mood and energy elevation, the person shows mild impairment of judgement and insight, to severe mania with delusions and a level of manic excitement that can be so exhausting that hospitalisation is required to control the episode.

The mood, energy and other related symptoms define both mania and hypomania, with psychotic features being an 'add on' component experienced by a sub-set of individuals. 

You have an intense sense of well-being, energy and optimism. It can be so strong that it affects your thinking and judgement. You may believe strange things about yourself, make bad decisions, and behave in embarrassing, harmful and - occasionally - dangerous ways.
 
Like depression, it can make it difficult or impossible to deal with day-to-day life. Mania can badly affect both your relationships and your work. When it isn't so extreme, it is called 'hypomania'.
 
If you become manic, you may notice that you are:

Emotional:

very happy and excited
irritated with other people who don't share your optimistic outlook
feeling more important than usual. 
Thinking:

full of new and exciting ideas
moving quickly from one idea to another
hearing voices that other people can't hear.
Physical:

full of energy
unable or unwilling to sleep
more interested in sex.  
Behaviour:

making plans that are grandiose and unrealistic
very active, moving around very quickly
behaving unusually
talking very quickly - other people may find it hard to understand what you are talking about
making odd decisions on the spur of the moment, sometimes with disastrous consequences
recklessly spending your money
over-familiar or recklessly critical with other people
less inhibited in general.
If you are in the middle of a manic episode for the first time, you may not realise that there is anything wrong   although your friends, family or colleagues will. You may even feel annoyed if someone tries to point this out to you. You increasingly lose touch with day-to-day issues   and with other people's feelings. 

Depression- 

The feeling of depression is something we all experience from time to time. It can even help us to recognise and deal with problems in our lives. In clinical depression or bipolar disorder, the feeling of depression is much worse. It goes on for longer and makes it difficult or impossible to deal with the normal things of life. If you become depressed, you will notice some of these changes:

Emotional:

feelings of unhappiness that don't go away
feeling that you want to burst into tears for no reason
losing interest in things
being unable to enjoy things
feeling restless and agitated
losing self-confidence
feeling useless, inadequate and hopeless
feeling more irritable than usual
thinking of suicide.  
Thinking:

can t think positively or hopefully
finding it hard to make even simple decisions
difficulty in concentrating. 
Physical:

losing appetite and weight
difficulty in getting to sleep
waking earlier than usual
feeling utterly tired
constipation
going off sex. 
Behaviour:

difficulty in starting or completing things   even everyday chores
crying a lot   or feeling like you want to cry, but not being able to
avoiding contact with other people.
Causes:

Biological Causes: Experts say that patients with bipolar disorder often show physical changes in their brains. Nobody is sure why the changes lead to the disorder.
Genetic Traits: Researchers are involved in finding out whether or not the causes of bipolar disorder arise out of genes and other hereditary factors. If you have a first-degree relative or a sibling who is/was affected by this condition, you would probably have it too.
Neurotransmitters: Mood swing disorder is caused by an imbalance in brain chemicals known as  neurotransmitters .
Treatment Methods:

Initial Treatment: The initial treatment method is to take medications to balance and control the mood swings. After the symptoms are in control, one has to start working with his/her trusted doctor for chalking out an effective and practical long-term treatment procedure.

Recovery from substance abuse: Problems related to excessive alcohol and drug abuse are solved by this therapy. Failing this step, this disorder can be unmanageable.

Day care treatment: Day care treatment programs can be recommended by your doctor. This treatment method includes counseling and support which keep the bipolar traits under control.

Hospitalization: Hospitalization or immediate medical support is recommended in case of suicidal thoughts or when a person starts exhibiting erratic behavior (being psychotic).

Medications: Medications include the administration of antipsychotics (such as ziprasidone, olanzapine), antidepressants (usually in combination with a mood stabilizer or an anti-psychotic), mood stabilizers (such as valproic acid, lithium, divalproex sodium) and anti-anxiety medications.

Bipolar Affective Disorder - Symptoms and Treatments

This post-traumatic stress disorder is a mental health condition, which gets triggered by a terrifying event. It can happen either through experiencing it or by witnessing it. The symptoms include flashbacks of the events, nightmares leading to severe anxiety and thoughts related to the events, which you are unable to control. Going through traumatic events is quite normal and each and every individual goes through phases, where they encounter events filled with trauma and those who have long-lasting effect on their minds. If the symptoms get worse and go on to last for months and sometimes stretch up to years, then that might be of clear indication a person suffering from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. 

Let us discuss about the symptoms in detail

The symptoms related to the Post-traumatic Stress Disorder might start within a month after coming across a traumatic sequence.
All these symptoms pose major problems in society, work situations and also in relationships. One s ability to go about doing any normal daily task might also get hampered.
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms are usually grouped into four types. Different symptoms of each type are:
Intrusive Memories: The symptoms are included under intrusive memories are

Utterly disturbing memories of any particular traumatic event on a recurring basis.
Feel as if you are reliving the traumatic sequence
Dreams which might upset or nightmares related to the horrifying incident.
Avoidance: Symptoms related to avoidance include, trying to avoid thinking or talking about a traumatic event and also avoid going to places or interacting with people, who might remind a person of a particular traumatic event.

Thinking pattern might turn negative: Symptoms of negative thinking patterns may include:You start thinking about yourself and the world in general negatively.There is a sense of hopelessness about the future.You start to get aloof from family and friends.

Physical and emotional reactions change: Symptoms of changes in physical and emotional reactions include

You tend to get scared easily
Unable to sleep peacefully
You cannot concentrate on a particular job
Sense of guilt and shame eats you from inside
Causes

Doctors are not really sure why people suffer from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Like most of the health problems, this disorder is in all probability caused by a mix of:

Stressful experiences which a person has to go through while bearing any severe trauma.
Mental health risks inherited, if any of the family members suffered from anxiety and depression.
A person s temperament.
Treatment

The treatment for this Post-traumatic Stress Disorder can help people to take control of their lives once again. Psychotherapy is the primary mode of treatment followed for getting rid off this problem. Along with this, medication can also take an active part in the healing process.  A combination of these treatments can help in improving the symptoms by:

Showing the skills on how to address the symptoms
Counselling, through which people would be made to think better about themselves and others.
Different ways to help cope up, in case the symptoms arise in future.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - Know The Detailed Symptoms Of The Problem!

Sadly, millions of people around the world attempt to commit suicide every day. This can be defined as the act of purposefully taking one s life. There can be many causes for a person to take this extreme step but in most cases, the person gives out warning signs before committing suicide. It is important for us as family and friends to look out for these signs and protect our loved ones.

Social withdrawal: When a person loses interest in things he or she likes to do normally or starts keeping a distance from others, it may be cause for concern. Social withdrawal is one of the most common symptoms of depression. Depression could in many cases trigger suicidal thoughts.
Focus on death: People having suicidal thoughts may talk openly about death and wanting to die. Do not take this lightly. In other cases, they may be fixated on death and begin researching various ways to take their life. This could also take the form of buying a gun, sleeping pills or a sharp knife.
Despair: Nobody likes listening to others crib but in many cases, this may be a way for a depressed person to seek help. Many people commit suicide not to end their lives but to end the physical or emotional pain they are suffering from.
Making Plans: People thinking of committing suicide may begin drafting suicide notes or start making plans to get rid of their belongings. This could be in the form of a sudden garage sale or drawing up a will.
Reckless behavior: People who are depressed and contemplating suicide may show signs of reckless behavior as they think they have nothing to lose. They could start drinking excessively or doing drugs or even have unprotected sexual intercourse. Drugs and alcohol could also be a way for them to lessen their pain. Driving under the influence or driving too fast could also be a sign to look out for.
How can you help?
If you do notice something strange, do not ignore it. Try talking to the person and help them express their frustration in words. Find ways for them to meet more people and do something different. You should also encourage the person to talk to a professional mental health care expert. If you are in a situation where someone threatens suicide, do not leave them alone. Try to calm them down and call for help immediately.

How To Identify Suicidal Behaviour?

 I have a severe stomach ache, I feel like vomiting ... Mom, please!! I can't go for exam.
 I read it! I knew it all ... But I just blacked out.  
 I just couldn't write! My hands were trembling.  
 I messed up this question! I can do nothing right... I can never succeed in life!!  

It's not uncommon for students to experience such problems before/ during an exam.

Most of us suffer from some degree of anxiety when we prepare or sit for an examination. Examination usually leads to a lot of tension and anxiety commonly known as examination phobia. Examination phobia or Examophobia is a mental disorder found in most of the students. When exams arrive, students become extremely worried and make plans about how to study, how to perform better and get good grades. Some students find exams so difficult that the phobia makes them sick as they simply find themselves unable to cope up with the exam fear. There may be sweating, palpitations that disturb so much that one cannot think straight and end up messing up the paper. Also, in subsequent exams, it becomes worse and the fear intensifies. The person may end up feeling a failure, feeling guilty and may even be suicidal! 

Anxiety is a normal human feeling that is part of life and can often serve as a good form of adrenaline. However, in few people, this adrenaline rush exceeds normal limits and at times may lead to some negative consequences.

Exam anxiety is:

1. Excessive worry about upcoming exams 
2. Fear of being evaluated 
3. Apprehension about the consequence 
4. Experienced by many normal students

POSSIBLE CAUSES 
(I) Environmental Causes

1. High expectations of parents 
2. Parents imposing their ambitions on children 
3. Parents competing for higher social status through child's scores 
4. Constant comparison with other kids 
5. Fear of teachers 
6. Insulting remarks from teachers

(II) Poor studying styles: 
1. Inefficient:

1. Irregular coverage of the entire syllabus 
2. Trying to memorize the course book 
3. Binge learning 
4. Studying all-night right before exams

2. Ineffective:

1. Reading without understanding the topic 
2. Unable to recollect the material 
3. Not making revision notes 
4. Not revising

(III) Psychological factors:

1. Feeling little or no control over the exam situation (rather than knowing and applying exam strategies) 
2. Negative thinking and self-criticism 
3. Irrational thinking about exams and outcomes 
4. Irrational beliefs  If I don't pass, my (family/boyfriend/girlfriend/friends) will lose respect for me  
5. Irrational demands  I have to get at least 98% or I am worthless.  
6. Catastrophic predictions  I'll fail no matter what I do there s no point.  
7. Low Self-esteem 
8. Fear of failure

SYMPTOMS OF EXAM ANXIETY 
The symptoms can range from minor nervousness to a panic attack, which can ruin the test. But whatever the level of your anxiety, learning to keep yourself calm and managing the fear of sitting for an examination is what it takes to come out with flying colors.

1. Physical symptoms. Headache, nausea, diarrhea, excessive sweating, shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, lightheadedness and feeling faint can all occur. Test anxiety can lead to a panic attack, which is the abrupt onset of intense fear or discomfort in which individuals may feel like they are unable to breathe or having a heart attack. 
2. Emotional symptoms. Feelings of anger, fear, helplessness and disappointment are common emotional responses to test anxiety. 
3. Behavioral/Cognitive symptoms. Difficulty concentrating, thinking negatively and comparing yourself to others are common symptoms of test anxiety.

HOW TO PREPARE WELL FOR AN EXAMINATION 
Fortunately, there are several methods that you can adopt to reduce your examination stress, which will not only help you to get higher grades but also improve your overall mental health.

1. Regular Studies Develop good study habits- ATTEND classes regularly, finish all the assignments on time, make notes properly and be an actively engaging student in school. Leave plenty of time to revise so that you don't have to do last minute cramming. Giving yourself adequate time will help to boost your confidence and reduce any pre-exam stress as you know you have prepared well. Instead of waiting for the eleventh hour, start studying as and when the academic year commences. With a good amount of time before hand, you will certainly feel more relaxed as you have plenty of time to give-in your best. 
2. Exercise Matters - It is of paramount importance to maintain mental, psychological and physical health to ace any exam. Exercising regularly, deep breathing and  pranayama  help in improving one s cognitive faculties, that results in lesser anxiety and simultaneously better grades in the tests. 
3. Don t Undermine the Importance of Diet - Be careful about your diet during the exams. A diet lacking in essential nutrients can put a major dent in your preparations; make you feel nauseated, SLEEPY OR overstressed during the crucial hours. 
4. SLEEP WELL - Adequate sleep is also vital. SLEEPING TOO LESS OR TOO MUCH CAN ALSO HAMPER YOUR ABILITIES 
5. Support - Take short breaks in between and spend some quality time with your family; share your feelings and state of mind with them. Spending time with the family can turn out to be a major stress buster. 
6. Set a Study Time: Lastly, drawing up a schedule will help you make the most of your study time. Set aside a time for your studies and follow it meticulously. Keep it flexible so that you can make the necessary adjustments. 
7. Stay focused: Concentrate on your studies, not others during the examination time. Avoid talking with other students about the subject before an examination. 
8. Use Mnemonics: Mnemonics are the techniques of memorization. You can make chart, rhymes or phrase to memorize your lessons. 
9. Practice Deep Breathing Regularly - Meditation is one of the best medicine that can reduce your anxiety. Make a habit to Meditate at least 10 minutes per day. It surely increases your concentration power. 
10. Consult Psychologist: If your anxiety becomes uncontrollable, don t hesitate to consult a psychologist or therapist. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is pretty effective in treating anxiety disorders. It helps to change your thought process and negative beliefs. Performance or test anxiety is highly treatable so you can get absolutely get a better result.

HOW TO ATTEMPT THE EXAMINATION IN BEST POSSIBLE WAY 
(I) ON THE DAY OF EXAM

1. Get a restful, uninterrupted sleep the night before so you wake up refreshed and revitalized the day of the exam. 
2. Have a healthy breakfast but strictly avoid oily and heavy food 
3. Recheck your required stuff (pen, pencil, compass box, eraser, admit card, watch etc) before leaving home. 
4. Take the water bottle along with you to the examination hall. 
5. Avoid touching new/left-out topic at the last moment. 
6. Aim to reach the examination hall well in time. 
7. Avoid being part of Before-exam peer discussions on How well-prepared or unprepared others are! The classic  Tera kitna ho gaya  question followed by undue comparisons can be a complete confidence killer. So Beware !! 
8. If feeling tensed, take deep-long breaths and engage in positive self-talk; reminding yourself that you prepared best to your ability and tell oneself   I CAN DO IT  

(II) IN THE EXAMINATION HALL

First of all, fill the required information on the answer sheet. 
Read the instructions carefully to figure out if you have a choice of questions, no. of questions to be attempted etc. 
Read the question paper thoroughly before u begin writing and mark the questions under 3 categories: (a) Easy (b) Manageable (c) Difficult 
Manage your time: This is where you strictly need to stick to the plan:
Before you begin, allocate time for each question based on the marks it carries and difficulty level. 
If you are not able to complete an answer within planned time-frame, leave some space and move onto the next question. 
Always divide time in such a way that you are left with some time at the end to go back over incomplete answers and revise/recheck. 
Always try to attempt all the questions. 
Attempt the Easy questions first, followed by Manageable and Difficult questions at last. That way you stay secure, calm and confident. 
Avoid writing too lengthy answer just because you know it well.
5. Presentation:

a. Handwriting should be neat & readable. 
b. Instead of very long paragraphs, put your answer point-wise. 
c. Wherever possible, illustrate the information via Flowcharts/diagrams etc. 
d. Highlight: underline or highlight the main points using pencil / coloured markers but you should keep it for last spare moments.

(III) TIPS FOR PARENTS: 
Encourage your kids! Parents have the ability to address underlying fears that may be present with test-taking. At a deep level, even subconsciously, a student may fear failure for a variety of reasons. There could be a fear of looking dumb to friends, of not getting into the best school, or of not meeting parent s expectations. A great help is for parents to reinforce their unconditional support and encouragement to the child. Parents, let your children know that their grade does not determine their worth. Believe in your child. 

Help them get over the myth that  Success in exam is a predictor of success in life . 

Good marks = Great job. 
Poor marks = End of life!!

In short,  There are no secrets to success. It is the result of Time Management, Hard work and Learning from mistakes 

Say Goodbye To Exam Phobia!

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