For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an abnormal condition of the mind that develops when a person is exposed to certain traumatic events in life such as accidents, sexual assault or warfare.

The major symptoms of PTSD are:

Reliving the traumatic experience over and over again; this leads to severe and long-term mental distress.
Recurring dreams about the events.
Provocation of traumatic thoughts by the slightest event that causes distress to the individual.
Avoiding memories and thoughts that might remind them of the event.
Developing a negative view of themselves and the world.
Developing social or specific phobias.
Treatment

Medication and antidepressants: Medicines such as paroxetine, sertraline and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) help the individual address insomnia-related problems that occur due to PTSD and suppress nightmares.
Psychotherapy: This form of therapy is used to cure both mental health conditions (such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety and depression) as well as emotional problems that result from PTSD. Skilled mental health experts are needed for this form of treatment to be administered. They would listen to each individual patiently and provide effective strategies to give solutions to the problems. Some of these therapies are:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: This therapy enables the individual to adapt to changes and recognize thought patterns which lead to irrational and negative behaviour and actions.
Exposure therapy: This therapy causes the affected individual to first become anxious by exposing him/her to the traumatic memories, situations and objects by simulating them. The therapy helps the person to overcome his/her fears and become comfortable in the same environment that had previously caused fear and anxiety.
Group therapy: This popular and effective form of therapy allows the individual to share his/her feelings, fears and thoughts with a group of people who have themselves experienced similar trauma in their lives. Sharing such experiences helps reduces stress levels.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - Ways It Can Be Managed!

Speech therapy is a very specific field of medicine where the therapists deal with speech disorders in children and adults, which may be a result of certain mental or personality disorders. These doctors can be essential when it comes to teaching a child how to articulate better and also to be more expressive of his/her feelings. Here is a look at a few of the benefits of a speech therapist in the life of a child suffering from speech impairment.

Improvement of articulation skills: Articulation refers to the movement of the mouth, lips and tongue in such a manner so as to form and pronounce a word properly. Aside from the movement of the mouth, voice modulation also falls within the purview of articulation. A child suffering from speech impairment cannot perform this activity as easily as a healthy child does. This is where a speech therapist comes into play. These specialists can ensure that the child s mouth movement and voice modulation can be in perfect harmony to form words normally.
Language skills: Some form of mental disorders severely limit the number of new words or grammar rules that a child can learn. A speech therapist can aid such children in learning the basic rules of grammar and apply these rules when they speak out. So, it is quite likely that the therapists may also act as teachers for the children and improve their overall vocabulary.
Improvement of listening skills: Difficulty in speaking can sometimes also lead to difficulty in understanding what others are saying. So, if your child has a speech impairment, it may mean that he has problems understanding what you say to him. In such a circumstance, the speech therapist can, for instance, help your child understand the difference between a question and a statement. In the long run, the listening skill will help your child comprehend you better.
Reduction of stammering: Stuttering and stammering are forms of speech impairment that many children suffer from. However, such impairments can be easily rectified by undergoing a few sessions with a speech therapist. The therapist can clear your child s speech and ensure that the stammering disappears by the time he/she grows up.
Treat certain vocal conditions: Your child may be unable to speak clearly due to an issue with his/her vocal chords. If that is the case, speech therapists can sometimes help your child with the same. Abnormal vocal resonance can also be corrected by these specialists. 

How Speech Therapy Can Help Your Child Be More Expressive?

Eating healthy is very helpful for your mental and also your physical well-being. The mind requires nutrients just like your heart, muscles and lungs do. These can be derived from the following ingredients.

Berries: Berries, particularly dark ones, such as cherries, blackberries and blueberries, are a great source of anthocyanins and different flavonoids that can boost your memory. Try to consume these in small portions at least twice a day. You can enjoy a handful in the form of snacks, add them in your cereal or bake them into a dessert like muffins or pancakes. Fresh, frozen or dried berries and cherries can reap you a lot of benefits other than memory boost as well.
Avocados: Avocados are green powerhouse and are stuffed with mono-saturated fats containing both vitamin K and folate. Avocados prevent blood clots in the brain, protect you againsCutaneous Leishmaniasist strokes and enhance the cognitive capacity of the brain, both in terms of memory as well as concentration.
Broccoli: Broccoli contains large amounts of vitamin K and choline. It tends to help keep your memory sharp. It is also filled with vitamin C where just one glass provides you with 150% of your recommended every day consumption.
Coconut oil: Coconut oil fills in as a naturally calming, anti-inflammatory agent. It stiffens the cells in charge of inflammation and aggravation. It can help with memory loss as you age and will kill awful microscopic organisms that are present in your gut.
Salmon: Salmon is a well-known ingredient amongst the most nutritious and healthy food items recommended for the brain. It is highly rich in Omega-3 unsaturated fats and keeps the brain running, gets rid of brain fog and improves memory.Cutaneous Leishmaniasis
Pumpkin seeds: Highly rich in zinc than most seeds, pumpkin seeds supply this highly valuable mineral which is very important for improving memory and thinking abilities. These little seeds are also loaded with stress-busting magnesium, B vitamins and tryptophan that is a precursor to the good mood substance called serotonin.
Walnuts: Walnuts are very well known for a positive impact on the heart s health. Walnuts may likewise enhance the working memory and boost it further. One can take them as a snack at any point in the day, be it to fulfill late morning hunger or add them to cereal or serving of mixed vegetables for crunch. You can also blend them into a vegetable panfry for additional protein.
Different kinds of food products have different effects on the body as well as the brain. To have a healthy body, one definitely needs to have a sound and healthy mind. Eating junk food blocks certain functions of the brain over the years whereas, a healthy diet may help in keeping you physically, mentally and psychologically healthy.

7 Foods that Boost Your Memory!

What happens when you are addicted to a chemical substance? You lose control of your life. It doesn t matter what you are addicted to alcohol, nicotine or drugs the effects are the same. It is usually not easy to get rid of an alcohol and/or nicotine addiction. Most people find it difficult to give up these substances even after years in de-addiction therapy. Hence, it s prudent to let Ayurveda, the ancient science of healing handhold us in getting rid of addictions. 

Cigarette smoke contains over 4,000 chemicals, including 43 known cancer-causing (carcinogenic) compounds and 400 other toxins. These cigarette ingredients include nicotine, tar, and carbon monoxide, as well as formaldehyde, ammonia, hydrogen cyanide, arsenic, and DDT. Perhaps this list of ingredients that are found in cigarettes is enough to make you want to quit smoking for good! - Lowell Kleinman, M.D., and Deborah Messina-Kleinman, M.P.H 

Addiction - The Ayurvedic View
Ayurveda considers alcohol and nicotine consumed in large quantities as  Visha  or toxic. According to Ayurveda, alcohol has the following properties-

Light or Laghu
Hot or Ushna
Sharp or Tikshna
Drying or Visada
Rough or Ruksha
Expensive or Vikaasa
Swift or Aasuga
Sour or Amla
Subtle or Sookshma
These properties are all opposite to the qualities that ojas possesses. Ojas has all life-giving properties and alcohol and nicotine have life-negating qualities.

Why do humans get addicted to alcohol and nicotine?
Human brain produces Dopamine normally and what alcohol does is to activate the nervous system to promote dopamine formation. The brain thus remembers the taste of alcohol and nicotine by creating special cells called receptor cells. As a person increases the quantity of alcohol, these cells also increase in numbers. When the person wants to give up his addictions these receptor cells agitate and create withdrawal symptoms with unpleasant and even dangerous symptoms.

De-addiction - Ayurveda Way
De-addiction treatments in Ayurveda comprise the following:

Purification therapies or Panchkarma: These are used for getting rid of all toxins present in the patient s body. These must always be done under the supervision of an ayurvedacharya as they are quite potent. After Panchakarma, the patient is given vomiting therapy or Vamana, followed by purgative therapy or Virechana, Basti or enema therapy and administration of Nasya or nasal drops therapy. All these help in detoxifying the body and mind and prepare the patient for further de-addiction ayurvedic treatments like Rasayana therapies which nourish and strengthen the body after Panchkarma. For treatment of addictions, Rasayana treatments include changes in diet and use of oral herbal medicines both.
Herbal medicines used in de-addiction: A range of herbal medicines and their combinations are used in the treatment of addictive problems in Ayurveda and these are to be consumed orally. Ayurveda prescribes Chamomile and Ashwagandha in combination to heal the lungs. These help in cleansing lungs of smoke- related problems. Doctors also prescribe congestion relieving herbs like ginger and pepper mixed with honey or lemon. 
In addition, herbs to improve memory, concentration and to fight depression are also given. These are:

Shankhpushpi
Kanphool or dandelion
Brahmi
Ashwagandha
In addition, herbs to treat sleep disturbances like Jatamansi, Sarpgandha, Brahmi and Jaiphal are also prescribed. Since most addicts have impaired liver function, herbs that improve liver function like Aloe Vera, Punarnava, Long pepper, Kutki, Tulsi are given to revive the liver.

Ayurvedic View on Alcohol and Nicotine De-addiction

What is avoidant personality disorder?

Feelings of inadequacy for long durations and being extremely sensitive to what others think of you is a disorder called avoidant personality disorder symptom. Such feelings of inadequacy in turn push the person to become isolated from the society and the person avoids people, work, and other activities. Social and occupational functioning is affected as the person is extremely sensitive and has very low self-esteem. Symptoms of avoidant personality disorder are:

1. Avoiding social interactions: people suffering from this disorder avoid almost all sorts of interpersonal contact since they lie with the fear of rejection, disapproval and criticism.

2. Avoiding risks: they avoid taking personal risks or being involved in activities which seem new, because they fear that they will embarrass themselves.

3. Socially unplugged: they are not willing to get involved with individuals unless they are absolutely certain of being liked by the person.

4. Preoccupied with negative perception: the idea of being criticized or rejected in social functions is so deep within their psyche that they are often preoccupied with only this thought in their minds.

5. Inferiority complex: people suffering from avoidant personality disorder consider themselves as good for nothing, unappealing, and inferior to everyone else.

6. Avoid intimacy: they are always reluctant to get into intimate relationships because they feel that they will be shamed and ridiculed. Because of such fears, they let go of relationships where they would have been genuinely cherished too.

The only treatment possible for this disorder is psychotherapy. While some people opt for long term therapy, most people usually visit a psychotherapist only when they feel overwhelmed with their fear and emotions.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on'consult.

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6 Signs of Avoidant Personality Disorder, 2nd Most Common Psychiatric Disorder

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